I’m someone who loves and cares very deeply. So when something does not work out, it really does leave a huge impact - I dream about them long after things have ended, I wake up with the ache in my heart that i cannot tell anyone about. And I feel shame knowing that I am the only one carrying this baggage with me, while they have moved on like it was nothing. Is this limerence or is it because I care too much? And how do I stop being stuck in limerence? I feel like this is affecting my nervous system and it really feels like self inflicted torture. The more I feel like this the more comfortable this state of limerence gets and I dont want to always feel this way. And how do I stop internalising rejection into my self worth?
Hi @emo-te,
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of emotional weight right now, and that pain feels very real and overwhelming. You’ve described the lingering thoughts, the dreams, and the ache that stays with you even after things have ended, and that sense of shame for feeling more attached than the other person.
I want to point out that it’s a deeply human experience, and it makes sense that it feels like torture when your mind keeps looping back to what was lost. Thank you for sharing this so openly. It shows how much you value connection and how deeply you care.
You’re allowed to go slowly, and you’re exactly where you’re needed to be. Healing from limerence or intense attachment takes time, and it’s not a reflection of your worth. If you feel like this is affecting your nervous system or becoming too heavy to manage alone, you may look for support at mindline’s “First Stop for Mental Health”. They offer resources and guidance that can help you navigate these feelings safely and gently.
Resources:
Dear @emo-te
Thank you for reaching out and sharing what you are going through. It makes sense that you are feeling exhausted and ashamed for carrying it by yourself. From what I have observed, loving deeply involves our heart, mind, body and can be all encompassing. I believe waking up with that ache is a sign of unprocessed grief and attachment and what you are experiencing can be both deep care and limerence. Caring deeply means you bond strongly. Limerence happens when that bond gets stuck after loss or rejection, and your mind and nervous system keep looping because they’re searching for safety and connection. That’s why it feels obsessive, draining, and familiar. The body system has learned to treat this state as “normal”.
Please know that your body may be trying to regulate distress through longing. I think that healing does not come from forcing yourself to “move on,” but from gently reducing emotional access to the person and building other ways to feel grounded and safe.
I agree that rejection hurts because many of us use it to measure our worth. May I gently highlight that someone moving on doesn’t automatically imply we were insignificant. It’s more about their own readiness and capacity, not about our value. Your pain reflects how deeply you attach, not how unimportant you were.
May I gently encourage you to speak to a therapist with experience in attachment issues soon. The counsellor can support you in learning how to love without losing yourself. This is something that can ease with the right help, especially attachment-focused support.
Do also explore the resources shared by @Obi_Wan_Kenobi .
Remember that you are not alone so reach out whenever needed. Sending you warmth and care.