Ever since the break up, I have this not pain feeling but it’s like an overwhelming sad feeling when I think about romance. Is this a thing or am I just deeply saddened..? I am sad about how he cheated on me but I definitely don’t want him back.
It must hurt to put ur trust in someone who cheated on u. There’s plenty of bad people out there but there’s good people too. Maybe you can try out Meetup app to get your mind off things and meet new people first. Heal and find a new bf
Dear @donewlife
Thank you for writing in and we are here to journey with you. That deep, overwhelming sadness you feel when thinking about romance — it’s not “too much,” and it’s not something you’re imagining. It’s a very real response to something painful. Even though you know you don’t want him back, the grief still lingers — and that makes total sense. I can sense though that you have clarity and conviction when you shared you do not want him back.
I agree that betrayal can feel absolutely heart-wrenching.When someone you trusted breaks that bond, it shakes your sense of safety, your hopes, and even the way you see yourself. It’s not something you can get over quickly. That kind of hurt takes time to move through. So please — give yourself permission to feel it. Let yourself grieve- it will usually come in waves and will rise and fall.
May I encourage you to show yourself self-compassion — where instead of trying to “fix” the sadness, you allow yourself to sit with it gently. You’re allowed to feel tired. You’re allowed to not have it all figured out. Healing is not a straight line — and there’s no deadline.
In time, this could also be a moment to begin reconnecting with yourself. Ask yourself:
- What do I need in a relationship?
- What are my boundaries and expectations?
- What kind of love makes me feel safe, respected, and valued?
Knowing these things isn’t just about future relationships — it’s part of knowing yourself and protecting your heart with clarity and care.
You are allowed to feel broken and still be healing. You are allowed to be sad and still be strong.
Give yourself grace — you’re already doing the best you can. Reach out here anytime you need unconditional support. 
Hi @donewlife,
I can’t even begin to imagine how blindsided and hurt you must be feeling right now. I assume that the feelings are still fresh and that you are still in the process of grieving him and your relationship. Cheating is an immense betrayal of trust and definitely has the ability to alter your perception of love in the future – but it is in your hands to reframe that narrative! I encourage you to feel all the feelings you need to and acknowledge them. Write them down in a book, tear out the pages, throw away any gifts he may have given you. Acknowledging that you do not want to go back to him is a good first step and I am proud of you for that. This shows that you have self respect and are not interested in dealing with such immaturity once again. Moreover, him cheating speaks volumes about his character – is he so afraid of commitment that he resorted to cheating? Is he not mature enough to show basic respect to his partner? – these are some valid questions that may be going through your mind as you think about him. Getting over someone after a breakup is hard, but it is especially harder when the person has hurt you and altered your perception of relationships. Romance is not always fleeting when your partner truly reciprocates and respects you! I urge you to find yourself again, try to do the things you like and rediscover yourself.