Unhealed wounds

Ask a Therapist Coping
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Ended an affair of 6months that turned out horrible. I did irrationale things, said horrible words, did horrible stuffs to the affair partner after being lied at and had my feelings manipulated after knowing i was not the only woman he goes out alone with and that i was never loved. I was just another spare to fill his void only when he needed me. Got so lost and confused cos i was so in love with his affection, his words. Felt so betrayed after all the lyings and lovebombings. All i wanted back then was a revenge but i couldnt act on it. I ended up saying sorry for saying the hurtful things i said but only to get no texts from him since then.

Now im just feeling unworthy of loved when i know there are people who still loves me who still cares for me. And these are the people whom i have hurt the most. They are good people unlike me. I just dont know how to get up again. It has been a month now. And my mood has been up and down. Trying to exercise and all to distract me from the pain and the memories from coming back again.

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Hi @user998

Thank you for sharing with us your pain, I hear you and I’m truly sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. It sounds incredibly painful to have invested so much love and trust into a relationship, only to have it end in such a hurtful way. Feeling betrayed and unworthy of love after experiencing such manipulation and deception is completely understandable. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge your feelings and to try to move forward, especially when the pain feels overwhelming.

I want to encourage you to remember that your worth isn’t defined by the actions or words of someone else. You are deserving of love and respect, regardless of what you’ve been through. And while it’s natural to feel lost and confused right now, please know that healing takes time. It’s okay to allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and to feel all the emotions that come with it.

It’s also important to lean on the support of those who care about you. Even if you feel like you’ve hurt them, they likely still love and care for you deeply. Opening up to them about what you’re going through can help lighten the burden and remind you that you’re not alone.

I would like to encourage you to reach out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships and emotional healing. They can provide you with a safe space to process your feelings, explore coping strategies, and develop healthy ways to move forward. They can also help you regain a sense of self-worth and rebuild your confidence. Here are some ways you can speak to a counsellor:

  1. Nearby Family Service Centre
  2. Online options:

Do also try to take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally, especially during this time. If exercise helps distract you from the pain, then keep doing it. Finding healthy outlets for your emotions, whether it’s through journaling, therapy, or spending time with loved ones, can also be very beneficial for you.

Last but not least, please do be kind and patient with yourself as you heal. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in a similar situation.

Remember, healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. Be gentle with yourself, and know that brighter days are ahead, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You are stronger than you know, and you will find your way through this.

Let us know how you’re coping? We’ll be here to support you.

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It must be really painful to go through the feeling of betrayal. Especially since there will be things everywhere that will remind you of him.

It’s good to hear that you have loved ones around you that can support you. It’s not an easy recovery journey so I guess take all the time you need. Don’t rush into trying to forget him or whatever. It’ll take time and over time, this part of your life becomes just a speck of dust because of all the other positive experiences you’d have.

We’re here for you too, feel free to rant or seek advice from the rest of the community!

P.S exercise is a good way to heal both your mind and your body. Channel all that negativity into building a healthy and fit body. :muscle::muscle:

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Hi @user998 thanks for sharing your personal story. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time. Ending a challenging relationship, especially after feeling betrayed and manipulated, can be incredibly tough and it’s understandable that you’re feeling hurt and confused.

Engaging in activities like exercise is a positive step, as it can help with both physical and emotional well-being. Remember, healing takes time, and seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can make a significant difference. You are worthy of love and care, and it’s okay to lean on others during this tough time. If the pain persists, consider professional help for tailored guidance. You’re not alone, and with time and support, you can navigate through this and emerge stronger. Take care. :hand_with_index_finger_and_thumb_crossed:

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Dear @cottonsoul @Jaws @QLT

Lately i have been picking myself up. Like what @cottonsoul shared maybe journalling would help so i jus started. Its jus basically a rambling of thoughts that just transcribed into writings of how im feeling and it helps. Like doing good things, helping others it makes me feel good. So i jus written something earlier on my samsung note. I would just share here. Jus basically how im feeling towards the ppl i hurt and the towards the ppl whom i felt hurt from. Here is what wrote.

“Tbh i jus wanna stay afloat doing the right thing saying the right thing not hating not remembering the bad things that i had done the bad things that i faced the ones who hurt me n got me hating and now im learning to loving forgivng but not forgetting i knew it is weird to connect with ppl whom i do not know i should connect with whom i do not know if it will cause uneasiness awkwardness questioning my intention to reconnecting when all i wanna do is to reconnect the bridges the wall that i created out of my mistakes and ignorance all i wanna do is to help to do good to be seen im not the villain not just a villain in your story or their story but im someone good who made the wrong choices trying to make things right cos i know how it hurts cos i know how it feels to be treated like a dirt at least i shared a part of me that i hope it will let you heal cos everybody is healing here im healing u r healing u r still worthy of something im still worthy of something worthy of love and patience and kindness i jus dun wanna hate anymore no more”

I will continue writing whenever i feel down or out of place. Thank u all for ur encouragement. May u guys have a good day and peaceful weekend :sunflower:

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This is very beautifully written, @user998. It’s encouraging for us that you’ve started in your recovery journey. Keep us updated, we’ll be here to listen if you want to share more! :hugs: