Hi @boohoo,
I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through—it sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of pain, and it’s completely understandable to feel this way after such a significant breakup. Ending a relationship, especially one that was such a big part of your life for four years, can feel like your whole world has been turned upside down. It’s no wonder that you’re feeling lost, restless, and struggling to make sense of everything right now.
It’s really important to acknowledge how much you invested in this relationship, and how much it meant to you. When someone you care about deeply moves on so quickly, especially with someone they told you not to worry about, it can feel like a betrayal. It’s natural to have feelings of hurt, anger, and confusion, and to question your own worth when someone you trusted doesn’t seem to value you in the way you hoped they would.
You mentioned feeling empty, worthless, and even lowkey stupid, but I want to remind you that these feelings don’t define who you are. Breakups have a way of bringing out our deepest insecurities, but it’s important to remember that your worth isn’t tied to how someone else treats you. The fact that you’re feeling this way is a reflection of how much you cared and how deeply you feel, and that’s not something to be ashamed of.
I hear that you’re longing for inner peace and struggling with the fact that, despite everything, you still have feelings for him. It’s okay to still love someone who hurt you—that’s part of being human. Healing takes time, and it’s not always a straight path. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay. It’s also okay to miss the person you were before the relationship ended. Breakups can make us feel like we’ve lost a part of ourselves, but it’s also an opportunity to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship.
It sounds like you’re doing your best to cope, but it’s really hard when you’re feeling so overwhelmed and restless. You mentioned waking up in the middle of the night with him on your mind, and it sounds like your thoughts are racing and making it hard to find any peace. One thing that might help is trying to focus on taking care of yourself in small, manageable ways. This could be as simple as establishing a bedtime routine that helps you relax before sleep, or finding moments in your day to do something just for you, whether that’s a walk, a hobby you enjoy, or even just sitting quietly with your thoughts.
I also want to encourage you to reach out for support if you feel comfortable doing so. Talking to close friends, family, or a counsellor can give you a safe space to explore these feelings and start to make sense of what’s happening. They can also help you work through some of the self-sabotaging thoughts you mentioned, and guide you in finding ways to rebuild your sense of self and purpose.
Remember, healing is a process, and it’s okay to take it one day at a time. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. You deserve to feel peace and to find your way back to yourself. Take care, and please reach out if you need to talk more. Your feelings are valid, and you’re not alone in this journey.
