I’m having a marriage crisis as i caught my husband using dating app twice. I forgave him twice. But whenever I’m not doing anything i start spiraling.
Dear @user1802,
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable experience. I can sense the deep pain and confusion you’re feeling right now. It must be incredibly difficult to navigate a situation where you want to forgive and move forward, but the betrayal from your husband keeps resurfacing, especially when you’re left alone with your thoughts. It sounds like you’re stuck in a painful cycle, wanting to keep the marriage intact but struggling with the emotional weight of his actions.
The spiraling emotions you’re experiencing are a natural response to the emotional hurt and betrayal you’ve endured. It’s clear that despite forgiving him twice, the trust has been shaken, and the emotional toll of this situation hasn’t been fully processed. I want to acknowledge that it’s okay to feel conflicted—it’s not easy to reconcile the desire to forgive with the ongoing emotional pain of betrayal.
I’m wondering, have you been able to share with your husband just how deeply his actions have affected you, beyond just forgiving him? Sometimes, even in forgiveness, it’s important to express how hurtful the betrayal was and how it’s continuing to affect you emotionally. If this conversation hasn’t happened, it may help to have that moment of expression when you feel ready.
It might also be helpful to focus on grounding yourself when these spirals happen. Simple breathing exercises, or even just acknowledging your emotions without judgment, can sometimes create a bit of space between the intensity of the feelings and your ability to cope with them. It’s important that you feel safe emotionally, and learning ways to stay present with your emotions, without being overwhelmed, could be beneficial.
You don’t need to know everything today, nor should you rush through this process. Healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take small steps. If you need space or time to think about your next steps—whether that’s about your relationship or personal healing—that’s perfectly okay. Have you had the chance to speak to a counsellor?
Your emotional well-being is important, and you deserve to feel heard, respected, and safe in whatever path you choose to take.
Take care of yourself, and we are here to support you through this.
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Hi @user1802, thanks for reaching out.
Discovering that your husband has been using a dating app, not once but twice, must be incredibly hurtful and confusing. It’s understandable that even after forgiveness, these feelings of betrayal and doubt keep resurfacing. Your emotions are valid, and it’s natural to feel anxious and uncertain in this situation.
It’s important to take care of yourself during this period. When those spiraling thoughts begin to creep in, try to focus on activities that bring you comfort and stability. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can listen and provide the care you need. Engaging in hobbies, exercise, or even mindfulness techniques can also help ground you and redirect your thoughts away from the distressing situation.
Consider seeking professional support, such as couples counseling or individual therapy, to help navigate these challenging emotions and rebuild trust. A therapist can offer a safe space to express your feelings, explore the root of the issues, and work on strategies to heal and strengthen your relationship. Remember, you’re not alone in this, and seeking help is a sign of strength.
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