hey um i dont have anyone to rant to about this so here goes
i suppose like the feelings are complicated is what i can best describe it as
so essentially she was originally in a situationship w someone else and like i never really had a romantic interest in her but we gelled organically and we got close like supes close and like i wasnt a big fan of the other dude so didnt mind spiteing him then but turns out hes just a misunderstood sweetie so i feel abit bad about it now since we’re more close to one another
anyways she doesnt like him (and hates on him q alot) and is abit mercurial sometimes like if i even do smth she remotely perceives is wrong she will shut down all contact w me and i have to play a guessing game of if shes mad or busy if she is mad then what i even did
honestly i love to spend time w her when shes in a good mood shes flirty and shes nice and understanding and i can share anything w her but unless im reading everything wrong we do like each other i suppose idk relationships hard bro
but i dont think i can tell her that, im defo not ready for a relationship rn and neither is she (she says) but a few things bother me really is that her signals are really mixed i cannot tell if shes moving on or not sometimes, she really almost never shows affection but when she does shes super duper sweet (like i try to show affection it just makes me happy by complementing her or waiting for her) and sometimes i need her to be a best friend for me while sometimes someone who im interested romantically like idk if i share smth too vulnerable she looks at me in a different light plus her conflict resolution techniques hella pisses me off (ive communicated that to her) honestly ive been very close to just walking out and not looking back but god she pulls me back in- i hate it i feel so weak sometimes
worst part is that we get shipped w one another i dont really care (but secretly i like it a little because its external validation i suppose) and honestly i love myself around her buts even though she says she doesnt care i can see that sometimes it does affect her and she shuts me down for even non romantic stuff like helping her w something shes struggling with so im reallly a proponent of boys and girls can be just friends because i dont want anyone to bring it up but that makes me feel hypocritical sometimes because of the mixed feelings
sometimes she does bring up other guys she has crushes on/finds cute (i mean i share what i found attractive in other ppl too but i dont act on it and i try to go out of my way to say im attracted to them but i do not view them as someone who i will romantically pursue-> weirdly tho im close but not super close w another friend (whos a girl too) and shes a little threatened by that which i can tell from how nervous she is around her and me and how she keeps bringing her up even tho she is not remotely the topic which makes me a little guilty but i dont know how to address that w/o addressing the elephant in the room) but im lowk not super affected because i like to gossip to HAHAH but if she sees that a guy elicits a negative reaction from me she randomly brings it up again later but if honestly (like dude some guys are actual hotties cant deny that bro) if i agree w her she doesnt ever mention him again → idk its abit hurtful that she likes to watch me squirm i suppose
anyways yah ill update if there are any idk