Stuck and lost

Ask a Therapist Coping
1

hello to whoever is reading this. honestly I don’t know where to start.

my ex and I were involved in a month-long situationship, and he ended things with me in January. since then, I’ve been through a hot mess of a time. I cried for the first couple of weeks, and I struggled a lot getting back onto my feet.

It’s been 83 days (when I post this), and I’m still reeling over him. I still want him back, and I’m still waiting and things like that. but recently, my feelings have gone from sadness to anger, and now I don’t feel anything. It’s not that I don’t feel anything towards the situation, but I don’t feel any more emotions in general. it feels like my chest is empty and my heart has been reduced to ashes and doesn’t exist anymore. it just feels as though I have a hole in my chest. I’m also forgetful these days

I know I’m better than this, and my friends tell him that he’s not worth it. but I don’t know why for some reason I can’t get out of this. sometimes I lie in bed and cry myself to sleep at night, and I have breakdowns at night too.

I’ve quit drinking, and the worst thing is, I’ve started to lose trust in my faith. I feel guilty for this and for the things I say about it. I don’t know but I just harbour a lot of anger towards the Divine. I prayed A LOT. but there’s no reaction.

I really don’t know what to do.

2

Dear @comfortablezebra7358

I’m glad you shared this. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of pain for a long time, and it understandable why you are feeling low.

Do know your feelings are valid. Even though the relationship was short, I gather it was meaningful and not having closure can make it even harder to let go. I have seen the shift from sadness to anger and then to feeling numb can happen when we have been overwhelmed for too long.

Also regarding your faith I think it’s relatable that you feel upset, confused and angry. That indicates you’re hurting and trying to make sense of it.

For now, be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to force yourself to move on. Just focus on small thing such as getting through the day and slowly loosening that feeling of waiting for him.

You’re not alone in this, and the situation will hurt less eventually though so do not be discouraged.:yellow_heart:

3

hello @CaringBee

thank you for your kind words. I thought 3 months would be sufficient to get over him, but it seems like I can’t.

I know what I’m feeling isn’t right. I recognise the warning signs in my behaviour, especially since I do have a degree in Psychology. The anhedonia, the forgetfulness, the hopelessness.

I feel like my brain is full, but empty at the same time. It just feels like a hard drive that’s running on full RAM, yet the files are hidden.

I met a friend yesterday, and she told me that I looked happier. I didn’t know what to say, because I wasn’t. Maybe I just got better at pretending, but I don’t want to pretend anymore. It’s tiring, it drains me, but I don’t want people to know that I’m still hurting.

I’ve tried many ways to get over him. I found new hobbies, took myself out on solo dates, and I just signed up for personal training. But after all these activities, I still feel the emptiness and the hollowness when everything dies down.

giving up on the wait feels like I’ve officially given up on my faith. I’ve fasted, I’ve stopped drinking and I’ve prayed over 400+ prayers in 60+ days. I’ve had breakdowns because the reality has clashed with my beliefs, and now I’m reduced to feeling anger towards my religion.

I’ve reached out to him, and all I got was a couple of one-word answers although he told me that “[he] was going to reply”. I asked him out for coffee (at 2AM, I know that’s a weird timing but I don’t drink anymore) and all I got was a read receipt and no reply.

I’m lost, and all I want are my prayers to be answered.