My fiance broke up with me 3weeks ago. I tried speaking. It didnt work. It was too sudden for a realtionship that we never fought or never gone not speaking. It is so pain it is consuming me. She didnt block me anywhere but is just ignoring me. Even normal msgs. I cannot take it. Its turning to a physical pain. I hv a countdown to me taking my life even though i knownits not worth it. But i cannot stand the pain.
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Hi @BreakBroken I can only imagine how devastating you must feel now 
You mind sharing abit more ? We are here to listen 
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I been talking to sos about 3weeks now. ai nearly did my first attempt two days ago. My fiance called of our relationship abt 3weeks ago at random. She said mnay things but it eas so adrupt and came without warning . i am afraid to die but the pain i am in is sffecting every single thing. And she knows and is avoiding all forms of comms.
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i can’t do anything to help with the pain but if you are willing to share, im here to listen.
how long have you been together?
are the two of you planning to get married?
I’m so sorry to hear that youre going through something so hard 
I hear that you feel this breakup is extremely abrupt to you, do you think it might help to review any past signs and symptoms you can think of that might have indicated her unhappiness with the relationship in any way? I know it may feel like it now, but she mustve done what she did because she feel she didnt have other choices. 
Of the many things she said, what is one thing that left the most impression on you?
And from your own opinions, what couldve possibly be a reason for what went wrong in the relationship? Anything at all, big or small?
The pain is because you cared for someone, and while that might suck right now, it will be okay in time to come. You still have others in your life that makes life beautiful and meaningful.
Us ppl here care and hope the best for you too /hugs/
Its been about 2years odd. The plan was this year end but life took over so we didnt talk about it while we were commiting to other things. I can take the blame for that. But if only she raised a question or fought about it instead of just keeping quiet and rusing on the inside.
And now, out of nowhere She said she wants out while I am left to self destruct. It has bn about 3weeks or so and it gets worse and worse. Despite I trying to work to better it. It wasnt like we fought ever or got angry over things. I cannot comprehend.
I have spoken to her twice now. And she said many things. As much as it makes sense, it doesnt as well. I can accept some. Some i cant. How does someone say its all been unhappiness but stay till we came this far? I been in relationships. This was a calm one. A peaceful one. And despite all i hv other then people, it is not getting better. I been talking to sos alot. I been afraid to sleep. Cant eat. Cant work. Never in my life have i experiences this much pain that its physical. I have come very very close to jumping off my window in the past few days. Getting closer cos i really cannot take this pain that is killing me inside. I am just holding on to the small hope that God will help me to win her back again while i battle this pain.
And no, I am the one who keeps and makes people together. If i go quiet, i am forgotten. That is also why she filled a gap in my life and i never been calmer and healed with the simple life we had. I can see it now that as much I have been a good person perhaps, its held on by me only trying to keep people connected.
Man…I don’t know what I would do if I were in your situation as well its like losing a huge part of yourself especially when the person really means alot to you
Maybe you could write down what you want to tell her what would you write ? This and drawing helped me through a previous breakup from a long term relationship although I can only imagine that what you are going thru now is way more diffcult that what I experienced perhaps you can try if you are ready ?
I think when a relationship breaks up, it’s always a matter of both parties behaving in ways that were not compatible with one another. Maybe there were reasons why y’all didn’t effectively communicate more with one another… Any future conversations you have with her, I hope it’s with open heart and genuine love, to hear what each other feel and need moving forward, without judgment or anger.
I know all the pain can feel overwhelming, I personally like to think “pain means growth”. You’re hurting right now, it also means you’re growing in ways you haven’t before. You’ll become better and things will get better too.
Specifically to how one can feel unhappiness yet still staying in a relationship, i can’t speak for your partner, but I can understand how for some ppl, due to how they grew up and how their personality is like, that they may really not had been consciously aware of their state or emotions for a prolonged period, leading to such situation happening. She must’ve been going through hard times as well, and sounds like she has no intentions of hurting you, despite the fact that you do feel hurt :(( the whole situation just really sucks…
Are there ppl arnd you you can identity in your head as ppl you trust and feel safe with now? Can you think of 3 names? The next time it feels overwhelming, do you think you want to share your thoughts with them? So they can support and be there for you. We are here to support you too. 
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I did and sent it to her. She may or may not have read it. She mentioned avoiding reading anything so that she doesnt feel bad.
I have been doing exactly that. But it is not helping. Everything by the textbook I have done. I cant even close my eyes. Cant listen to music. Can even sit somehwere. Walk about. Its a pain crossing to physical pains.
She did say sorry for holding it in. And I went to read about the avoidant personality.
I still hope to win her back. I am not sure how but I can try till somwthing gives.
And yes, lessons learn. Can only get better when one hits a storm in a relationship when united again.
Hello @BreakBroken,
I’m sorry to hear about what you’re currently going through with the breakup. You’ve shared that your pain is too much to the point its gotten you to think of a situation where you no longer need to confront the pain… To feel that much suffering means that you’ve been too overwhelmed to figure out what to do or how to cope with it… 
First off, I want to commend you on wanting to do something about it too - by reaching out to SOS and coming on here to get support from the community - that takes courage! As well as doing things to try to make you feel better, whether by working on your mood or reaching out to your fiance. However, things don’t seem to be any different and you’re kinda running out of ways to cope… It could be helpful if you can get assistance from trusted persons when it gets too overwhelming for you. Let them know about the thoughts you’re having and that you just want to be safe (e.g., keeping your surroundings safe, put away dangerous items like knifes/medications in locked cabinets, look for you immediately if you’re in distress, etc.). This plan helps them know what they can do exactly at that moment to support you.
I think your self-awareness is a plus point here as you seek a resolution. The love you have for your fiance and the relationship is evident although for a relationship to work, both parties’ needs gotta be met. You wanting your relationship to work could be an indication of a need that you’re not getting, either from yourself or from others - what do you think?
Additionally, it sounds like you might be grieving the end of the relationship. People usually think of grief when someone passes away but a breakup can feel just like it (much like the pain you’re going thorugh) and perhaps knowledge of it will help you gain some insight on what you’re experiencing, as you cycle throught the stages of grief. I also think that your experience with grief is unique to you and that hopefully you can have a better sense of it.
That might also mean possible future scenarios where you might reconcile or both going separate ways, and regardless of scenario, you can continue to express your emotions (instead of bottling it in), being kind to yourself (and take care of yourself), and shift (to a more helpful) perspective. Perhaps this is all something worth exploring in a safe and non-judgmental setting with professionals to help you through this tough times:
- Family Service Centres
- James Cook University Clinic
- NIE Wellness Centre
- NUS Clinical & Health Psychology Centre
We’re here waiting to listen to you as I feel that there’s more to learn about you and your experience. Remember that you deserve and can get the necessary support you need. Hope to hear from you, till then take care! 
Thank you for the kind reply.
I really dont want to feel this way. And I am trying. She did mention that she wants me to run more. Cos she loves running like eating and breathing. To prove more positively instead of being a whininb and needy person, I signed up for my first marathon overseas taht she too will be going. I was supposed to follow her as support intitially. And this gave me some hope and energy. I am not sure if she knows this but I am using this for now to keep atleast going. I signed up for another one actually. Sometimes, Hope can be blind but hoping is better then dying.
She has not blocked me on any platform but she doesnt reply and I dont actually spam her. I will give her the space and I will take the space to respect her feelings as much as I can. My love is real. I also been praying alot and may faith help me.
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Not good at all. To give space and time, i came on a work trip. Been panicing and having anxiety throughout since I left the house and now in the destination. So many thoughts whoch is giving me physical pains alpng with the mental and emotional.
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Ahh you alone on this work trip ? Do you have anyone to talk to ?
I am with colleagues. Was having an anxiety attack on flight. Scared to sleep. Turned on all the lights and struggled to close my eyes. When i going to doze off, i wake up. Its a nightmare worse then any situation I have been in.
Hmm wah you must be feeling very tired through out
What have your tried to do to fall asleep ? Does breathing excersises help you ?