Upset Mum of 4 seeking interventions

Ask a Therapist Coping
1

There are days that I am ok while there are days that are horrible. I am stucked in a chronic fight and flight body. Everyday is a struggle for me.

When I woke up, the anxiety hit me so much. Feeling nervous when I stepped out of house to work. My heart rate went up to 130 to 150 while doing a 800m of walk from train station to workplace. I feel breathless at times. I have been cleared by a cardiologist that I do not have a heart issue. But.. with such a sensitized body, it makes me more anxious when I need to walk a longer distance.

Stress at work made me anxious: fogginess/dizziness/heavy heart. I hate the dizziness as it made me panick more.. I need to take some time off to do a quick calm down and so I can get back to work.

Children and commitment: kids’ schedule( 15, 12, 10,6) and sch related stuffs requires me to be there. The kids only wants me to help them with their studies/ stuffs. My husb can’t teach as he is lesser educated than me. I have outsource most to tuition but the school notification just beeped non stop.

I am afraid of crowds. I am extremely nervous when I see crowds but I cannot avoid. I try to avoid eye contact, put on earpods and try to divert my attention while braving thru my journey home.

I am very upset with my quality of life now.( I am not depressed yet cause I have lovely children that I am looking to see them grow up) I dont know when I can get over with this. I am seeing a psychologist monthly and she is teaching me methods to overcome this. But I can’t seem to get over this anxiety. I am seeing a psychiatrist but I think it is quite useless to see him. I took my 1st dose of fluoxetine and my facial went numb, feeling more tired and anxious. He saw what I went thru and asked me to stop. During the last consultation, he asked me to continue seeing my psychologist and if I ever want to start meds, he will admit and ward me.

Does anyone has anxiety/panic disorder? I developed this due to PTSD and I am so upset that it is haunting me.

I am looking to travel in end dec and I am afraid that I might be a hindrance to my family.

Looking for suggestion and solution.

Thanks.

2

Dear @JPLT,

Thank you for sharing even while you’re in the middle of such a struggle. You wrote that some days are okay and some days are very difficult, and that your body feels stuck in fight-or-flight. What stands out is not only the anxiety itself, but how much effort it takes for you to keep going with daily life despite it.

When the physical sensations come up, the fast heart rate, breathlessness, dizziness, it may help just to notice what tends to go through your mind at those moments. Not to change anything, only to observe. Is it worry about your body, concern about losing control, or fear that you won’t be able to cope if it continues?

You mentioned that stress at work brings on fogginess, dizziness, and a heavy feeling in your chest. I’m wondering what “stress at work” looks like for you. Is it the workload, expectations, pace, or the need to keep pushing even when your body already feels tired? Sometimes it’s not one specific incident, but long periods of holding things together that keep the body on edge.

Crowds also sound very challenging. When you’re moving through them, avoiding eye contact and trying to get home, what do crowds represent to your body? Is it fear of being stuck, being noticed, something happening in public, or not being able to leave if symptoms worsen? Often the body reacts to what a situation means, rather than the situation itself.

You shared that you’re seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist, and that you’re unsure whether it’s helping. Sometimes it can be hard to tell, especially with PTSD-related panic, because progress doesn’t always feel obvious. It might help to gently reflect on whether any of these have been part of your work so far:

  • whether you’ve had space to relate differently to the physical symptoms, so they feel a little less threatening over time
  • whether there’s been any focus on helping your body settle, even slightly, rather than staying on constant high alert
  • whether there’s been exploration around separating past danger from what’s happening now
  • whether support has helped you keep functioning and making choices, even while anxiety is still present, rather than organising everything around avoiding fear

There’s no right or wrong answer here, it’s simply a way of noticing what has or hasn’t been part of your experience.

As you also mentioned PTSD. If you feel comfortable, and only when you’re ready, it might help to reflect on when this sense of danger in your body first appeared. You don’t need to go into details. Even a general sense of “when” can be meaningful. For many people, the body continues to react long after the original situation has passed.

You’ve already taken many steps: seeking professional help, checking your physical health, continuing to work, caring for your children, and thinking about the future. These are signs of strength, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

You don’t sound broken. You sound worn down, and still trying. For now, to help ease your anxiety a little, it may help to sit with one gentle question: what feels most steadying or comforting for you next? Not what you should do, just what helps you feel a little more grounded.

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Dear @FuYuan_Affections

Thankful for your reply.

When the physical sensations came up, I used to worry initially. But as I read up, I know that it is my brain signal that is giving wrong information. I have indeed try to brave thru it several occasions and I am proud of myself. But there are days I dont know why I just feel defeated. I thought I have got used to it, I know what to do when these physical sensation came up. I am worried about my body but I have told myself that it is not my body. I am worried that it just flare into an attack when I am outside alone. ( having said that, I posted here before. I have an anaphylaxis in 2024 which nearly caused my death. I was badly traumatised by it and was seeing psychologist and psychiatrist. I have went for check and was cleared of medical condition. I am just more wary or sensitive to what I eat or drink. My body became very sensitive, too sweet too salty too spicy will just sent the wrong signal to the brain.

Crowd in train reminded me of the anaphylaxis episode. The crowd with lot of human made me feel very flutter and stuck in an overwhelmed mode. I dont know how to explain it.

My psychologist is very supportive but somehow I feel that 1 hour of coaching and talking is not sufficient. She did taught me some CBT Method and taught me methods to overcome myself. I was progressing along the way and then suddenly I was back to zero again after stressful workload at work. Work was horrible. I am holding managerial post in a clinic. Workload, expectations and problems at the work keeps me very occupied. It was because of this , I decided to draw a work life balance. I used to reply emails or work on off days/annual leave or even MC. But then I have stopped everything.

I just have a nocturnal panic attack in the morning around 2plus. I was sleeping and then my chest feel heavy and I woke up feeling breathless. It was then I have some cold sweats and my heart was pounding loudly and fast. I try to let it be there and it peaked so fast that.. I got out of bed and called my husb. We sat in the living room, I put icepack over my chest and back. I do some deep breathing and let the sensation passed. It was panic attack and not heart related issue. My heart was just pounding fast. My last attack was on 10 dec after a full steamboat dinner. It just went boom~~~ after I was too full.

After this morning attack, I felt very very defeated..

I used to be very strong. I hold the work, I hold my house with 4kids without helper. I felt very worn out and broken now.. :broken_heart: