Seems like nosocomephobia is hitting me hard.
Feeling like self harming after going for me dental appointment and also to see a doctor at the polyclinic.
Feeling so insecure around doctors. And suddenly feel a surge of anger and hate in me that I really wanted to hit someone. And controlling the urge has caused me to feel like hurting myself instead.
Hey @user1446,
it’s clear that your past experiences are sounding off alarm bells and overwhelming your senses… it’s your body trying to survive and when you can’t find a way out of it, you’d naturally shift towards self-harm…
and maybe the self-harm thoughts didn’t come from wanting to hurt, is it possible it came from needing somewhere for all that charge to go?
the urge of self harm sadly comes from the urge and anger of wanting to hurt others, just that try very hard to swallow it down and the hate divert on myself instead.
I really dont know when my frustration will end up clouding me judgement when i will got violant at the staffs.
Healthcare staff dont deserve to be abuse, but sometimes they really can get onto your nerves.
Hey @user1446 that sounds incredibly tough. You’re dealing with a deep, overwhelming fear that’s stirring up intense feelings like anger and self-harm urges, and that’s so hard to carry alone. It’s completely valid to feel scared and frustrated around doctors, especially if the experience triggers those strong emotions. Remember, those feelings aren’t your fault, they’re your mind’s way of trying to cope with something really uncomfortable. It might help to talk to someone you trust about these feelings or reach out to a mental health professional who can support you in managing these urges safely. You deserve kindness and care, especially from yourself, even when it feels impossible. If you want, I can help you think through some ways to cope with these moments or find support.
hey, its clear that you are restraining your urge and anger… and its a default defense mechanism for you coming from your past bad experiences.
When you dont know when your frustration will end up clouding your judgement, I am really concerned for your safety… How can we help you to keep safe?
You are right, Healthcare staff dont deserve to be abuse and the same for you as well, you dont deserve to harm yourself… so it is clear about the struggle that you are facing… if you hurt yourself, you cant be in a better position to help others too…
have you tried anything remotely close that work before for yourself? how can we work on having your nerves clamer?
i have a emotional support dog for a reason, which let me have something warm and furry to cuddle when i need it.
Still…i cant bring him to a medical appointment. So i guess only fate can decide what happens.
hey @user1446, i hear how much medical settings affect you, and how the urge to self-harm comes from trying to suppress the urge to lash out. that’s such a hard place to be in :(( it’s incredibly brave of you to recognise that, and to still choose to hold back even when everything inside feels like it’s boiling over. that’s strength.
i’m happy to hear that you have an emotional support dog! it def sounds like such a grounding presence in your life. i wish you could bring him everywhere, esp to the places that make you feel most vulnerable. it’s so tough when the one thing that brings comfort isn’t allowed in the space you need it most :((
you’ve probably heard of this before, but maybe grounding exercises (eg. 5-4-3-2-1 technique) or sensory tools (eg. stress balls) could help in those intense moments, esp when your dog isn’t with you? for me, ranting to someone or going for a jog with some angry/emo music blasting in my earphones also helps when i feel like i’m gonna explode. i usually hate jogging lol, but it rlly helps release all that energy without hurting myself or others. afterwards i’m usually so tired i knock out, and i always feel much better the next day. maybe doing these things could help you too?
anyway, i’m rlly glad you’re here. it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, even the anger. emotions aren’t wrong or bad, they’re just signals. what matters is how we manage them and care for ourselves through them, and you reaching out like this is already a huge step. keep holding on, and keep talking when things feel heavy, ok? you don’t have to carry this alone 
Well…finally managed to see a non template reply. Hang out here long enough to start to get bored with the predictable yada yada template reply.
Yes…unfortunately he just cannot be in the place that i needed him most.
actually, grounding technique dont work if you are in the mists of being painfully tortured by a doctor treating you and my case a dentist.
Still the best place for me to ground myself is actually the pharmacy since there is so much things too see to distracted me. And a good chance to learn about new medical products.
Once at home my dog will be grounding me. So…not much technique needing.
Hi @user1446,
I really hear you on how grounding techniques can fall apart when the pain is that raw and immediate; it’s not just about distraction, it’s about survival. I love that you’ve found solace in the pharmacy, though - there’s something oddly reassuring about the order and variety there, like a quiet kind of curiosity that can pull you out of the storm.
Also, you mentioned about being “painfully tortured” by a doctor. Are you able to share where and when this happened? If you are open to reporting this case to the authorities, do rest assured that you can make a complaint against the doctor via the following channels:
Singapore Medical Council: (https://ask.gov.sg/smc/questions/cm9886hws00ghmx0ilops6igq)
Ministry of Health: (Inquiries and Complaints Guide | Ministry of Health).
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline
Well…you know dentist. Especially polyclinic student grade ones.
You can actually apply any kinds of theory base grounding techniques in a pharmacy. There are things for you to see, smell, touch, taste and hear. Some, hospital pharmacy even have promoters selling aroma oils. So…yeah.
I feel you haha. Dental visits are scary for me too, especially when you have to sit there without moving while they dig around your mouth. There are occasionally good dentists that let you know what to expect every step of the way so I’m grateful for them.
Actually if you can’t bring your dog into the dental clinic, is it possible to bring some other fluffy thing instead? Soft toy or something idk
trust me, the only thing that help when you are on the “torture chair” is actually your own willpower.
So far, most of the recent dentist i have seen dont bother to tell me the what is going on during treatment until they are done with it. Still…i keep have to start a argument with them. On…is it my mouth or their mouth when they insist of throwing their textbook knowledge at me.
End of the day who is the best person to know what the patient is dealing with? The patient or the doctor.
So…my recent visit the female dentist is quite okay execpt she keep insist her way and wouldnt budge. So i let her since she wanted to remove the existing fill to check on the roots and refill with a new filling. And guess what? halfway removing the filling part of my tooth that is hold down by the filling came off. So i ended up loosing another part of my tooth. And after she is done she told me that she decided not to do a full filling since later if i see a dental specialist i still need to redo it anyway. I what like what?..I was wondering can the hospital only pay her haif her salary since she only do haif the job.
What to do…kids this days are just full of ego, without knowing how real life is different from textbooks.
Just like feelings, in books the word sad is only 3 letters, i and pretty sure when the person is really sad their feeling cannot be described by just this 3 letters.
sounds like my recent experience too. I also had to remove an existing filling to refill with a new filling.
tbh I got a mini shock because I thought I was there just for a refill (a small part of the old filling dropped out) so when she told me that she had to remove the entire old filling, my heart sank.
I think I’m a bit luckier than you cause she was quite a good dentist and kept me updated every step along the way. Even then it was already quite traumatic cause I really can’t stand the drilling sounds and all (even though it wasn’t that painful).
if you do have to visit a dentist in future, maybe it’s worth telling them beforehand that you’ve had some bad experiences before and see if they can be more gentle on you and keep you updated along the way?
the male dentist i see before her when i first posted this post is far much worse.
not sure if its a gender issue or what? Very impatient guy, and the filling was hrmm…he over fill it after asking the dental assistant for more filling material twice, LOL…first time i heard dentist ask for 2nd and 3rd helping of filling and still…during cleaning i feel like he hase make the hole 2 times the actual size. And after he done the filling, he spend the next 10 mins filing them to size still the surface is damn rough.
Last time i had a friend whose mom was a dental assistant, she always reminds me not to go for females dentist if i want to pluck my teeth. Which is very true for the junior level dentist. Cause their arm no strength so most of the time resulting the teeth to break.
And now i know, cannot get male dentist to do filling, they just dont have the patience