Met this girl in 2020. Fell in love with her in 2021, got together for a short period, went back to being good friends in 2022-2023 since the relationship was getting awkward and she was getting “bored”. Decided to give her an ultimatum on whether she wants to continue, she said she preferred to focus on her studies and further her education.
Thought I was strong enough (mentally) to push through and maybe find someone else. It was bearable at the start, despite still having feeling for her. I went silent for 3/4 of a year on self-improvement before making new friends but then I realised no girl could ever replace her, she was special, she was the one.
Felt myself losing focus so I decided to work even harder to distract the painful, heartbreaking memories. But…
Her birthday came by, I was contemplating if I should talk to her, thought I would wish her a happy birthday since she did the same even after we stop contacting, she was nice about it and asked how I was coping then I folded and ended up slipping into old habits.
Started thinking about her daily and dreamt about her sometimes. Recently got even more obsessed with her and I thought maybe I can win her back if I try hard enough.
Begun telling myself that if I work harder, workout to the max, took back control of my miserable life, praying to God everynight before bed that he would make this miracle happen.
Burnout occurred, now “overthinking” but more of knowing that there’s only a 1% chance of her even agreeing to go out together, let alone give me one last chance.
Now I constantly think of her, how we used to be together, and what we could have done together. She’s literally the only thing I can think about when I go to sleep. Dreams become more vivid and always involved her.
Overthinking intensifies, “What if she has a boyfriend already?” “I won’t stand a chance”
Now all I can think of is what I will I do when the day finally comes (day I ask her out ~10 Nov is the chosen date)?
Do I try to move on? Already tried to but where did it bring me.
Do I give up on life and be a loner with a miserable life? Most likely.
Do I give up and end my life? Least suffering but too coward to do it.
She wasn’t my first love but was the first love that was real, and certainly was the first to touch my heart yet she’s gone now.
She was my first girlfriend for what it’s worth
Hi Nooboishi
Thank you for coming forward very bravely in your effort to better understand what you are going through and to decide on a way to move forward. The situation you’ve described reflects a complex emotional journey. I hope it helps a little when I share that many of us have experiences and feelings similar to yours in our relationships. Hence, much of what you have described resonates and strikes a common chord, so please take heart.
I believe the following insights and considerations could help you as you navigate this journey :
Understanding Your Feelings
-Emotional Attachment: It’s normal to feel a strong attachment to someone you have loved deeply. The memories and feelings can linger, especially if the relationship was meaningful and had a significant impact on your life.
-Overthinking and Anxiety: The tendency to overthink, especially regarding potential outcomes (like whether she has moved on), can create a cycle of anxiety. This can be made worse by the idea of an impending decision point, such as asking her out again.
-Self-Improvement and Distraction: While focusing on self-improvement is a positive step, it’s essential to recognize that it should not solely serve as a distraction from unresolved feelings. Finding a balance between self-growth and processing emotions is helpful.
Ultimatums as a Tool: Issuing an ultimatum may not lead to the desired outcome and can create resentment and unnecessary pressure towards yourself.
Moving Forward
-Consider Your Intentions: Before reaching out to her, reflect on what you genuinely want. Are you seeking closure, reconciliation, or simply a chance to express your feelings? Clarity on your intentions can guide your actions.
-Prepare for All Outcomes: Understand that there is a possibility she may not feel the same way or may not be ready for a relationship. Preparing yourself emotionally for any response can help mitigate potential hurt.
-Focus on Yourself: Continue your journey of self-improvement, but also allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. Engaging in hobbies, spending time with friends, or even seeking professional guidance can provide much needed support during this time.
-Set Realistic Expectations: Recognize that while hope is important, it’s equally important to ground your expectations in reality. If she has expressed a desire to focus on her studies, it may be worth respecting that choice, regardless of your feelings.
Navigating feelings for someone who has been significant in your life is challenging. However, you matter above all and it is essential to prioritise your mental health and emotional well-being while also respecting her choices. Seeking closure, whether through direct communication or personal reflection, can help you find peace and clarity moving forward. Please take good care of yourself. 
Hi @NOOBOISHI, thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sure it has been tough trying to hold yourself back and also tiring to always be thinking about the what ifs. Anyway, if you think that it makes you feel better to have a closure or to take an action instead of all the overthinking, go ahead and ask her out. Also, in my opinion, I think it will be better for you to try and talk to her/reconnect with her for a bit before shooting your shot again so it won’t be out of the blue or awkward for you to ask her out, you know. I also would like you to try and reconnect with her to check if she is just like before or what you thought/expected her to be. I think it’s important to check that because when we overthink so much, our perception of the person may be skewed or changed. Maybe after a period of time, she is a different person based on lifestyle, compatibility etc so it’s better for you to double check before committing to it. At the same time, work on yourself so you gain self-confidence (+1000aura). Jokes aside, truly wish you all the best!!