sorry for the long useless rant.. first my father can randomly scold me which is very annoying especially when he uses vulgar that hurts a lot my mother doesn’t rlly scold me that much but now she seems very annoyed at me and also scolds me randomly just that she doesn’t use vulgar..sometimes I just randomly cut myself I also don’t rlly know why and in school since when did I start breaking school rules? back then I was top student model student the teachers pet and now I sleep in class don’t do homework my grades are mostly fails and its like I don’t care about it anymore I also want to be a good student and listen in class but I just can’t I don’t know why I’m using phone in class (I was texting Samaritans of Singapore in class on phone) and I heard the teacher saw me and told my form teachers or smt and now ik I’m in huge trouble part of me wants to work hard and score good grades and listen in class and be who I used to be but the other half just doesn’t care about anything I give up on studying everything uses so much energy even waking up is tiring to do..I spend half my time talking to national mindline/SOS/tinkle friend and I’m not doing anything productive or related to studies..teachers also start scolding me now and my conduct grade is probably gonna be very poor or smt..and not even mentioning my empty and sad feelings that are k***ing me so bad life rlly hurts..
Hi @LonelyShadow06,
It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed by a lot of things right now, from the way your parents speak to you at home, to changes in school and your own feelings. I can hear how much it hurts when your father uses harsh language and when your mother seems annoyed, and how all of this has been affecting your motivation, schoolwork, and even your energy just to get through the day. It makes a lot of sense that you’re struggling, and it’s okay to feel lost or upset about it all. What you’re describing sounds really painful and exhausting.
I also want you to know that I’m concerned about the recent pattern of verbal abuse coming from your parents. You don’t have to face this alone. If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to a trusted adult (such as a teacher or a trusted relative). You deserve to be treated with respect and care, and there are people who want to help you through this difficult time.
I want to strongly encourage you to call the National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline at 1800-777-0000 when it is safe for you to do so. Since you mentioned you are still in school, I understand that you are quite young. If your parents are shouting at you and making you feel like there is nowhere else to turn for help, that is not okay.
As a Befriender, I do not have the details about the individuals seeking help on this platform, so I cannot make the call to the NAVH on your behalf. Therefore, I urge you to make the call as soon as it is safe for you.
Please keep us updated so that we know you are safe.
Resources: MSF | I Am A Child Experiencing Abuse
Hey @LonelyShadow06 ,
You don’t need to apologise for ranting. When things have been building up for a while, writing and talking is one way it comes out. It’s not useless.
From what you wrote, both your parents scold you, but it seems to affect you differently when it comes from your father, especially when he uses vulgar words. It sounds like those words stay with you more. What is it about that part that hits the hardest?
You also mentioned cutting. From what you said, it seems to happen after things go wrong or when you break rules. I’m wondering what you usually feel just before cutting. Is it anger, guilt, shame, or something else?
You also compared how you are now with how you used to be. Back then, being a good student seemed important to you, and now it sounds like that part has dropped away or feels very far off. When someone feels stuck for too long, it can get hard to care or keep trying. Then the phone and scrolling can become the easier thing to go to.
You also described being watched closely at home. When that keeps happening, even small things can start to feel risky. It can make it hard to relax.
The tiredness, loss of interest, low energy, and the back-and-forth between wanting to try and giving up all point to how drained you’ve been feeling. It doesn’t sound like laziness. It sounds like you’ve been under too much for too long.
You’ve also been reaching out to SOS, Mindline, and Tinkle Friend. That is worth noticing. When you spoke to them, did anything they said help at all, or did it feel like they didn’t really get it?
You mentioned in your previous poses that you don’t trust the school counsellor. I can understand that, especially if it felt like what you shared did not stay private. At the same time, teachers and counsellors are still some of the few adults who may be able to help with the school side of things. Even letting one teacher know that you’ve been struggling to cope could help them understand why schoolwork and class have become hard.
I am concerned for your well being, we don’t have to sort out your parents, school, and everything else at one go. Hope to hear more from you/
the fact that he’s my father and he should love me or at least respect me but instead he’s there scolding me and punishing me randomly hits rlly hard.. cutting is for some physical pain cos the mental pain is killing me..there is no such thing as relaxation and peace at home for me also. talking to them did help me and I could rant a bit to feel a bit better and they are rlly nice and understanding..thank you so much ur rlly nice and understanding 
I’ll see and maybe consider..thx for being so nice