is it normal to feel comfort in sadness? even when i think i feel happy i always go back to being sad. trying to feel happy makes me uncomfortable. is it normal to cvt yourself to feel something? because i feel so numb. i feel like i need help but i dont trust anyone, especially counsellors. when people ask me whats wrong (no one really does) i tend to say idk or nothing and because im naturally a “happy” person in real life people dont rlly suspect anything but also im lonely and quiet most of the time i feel like i need help but i dont want to tell anyone anything
Hey @wellllavender8509,
I read what you wrote about feeling comfort in sadness, feeling numb, and not wanting to tell anyone anything.
You asked whether it is normal to hurt yourself just to feel something. Before anything else, I want to check on your safety. Are you safe right now? Have you been hurting yourself recently, or having urges to do so? You do not need to share more than you are comfortable with, but your safety matters.
I also noticed you wrote, “when people ask me what’s wrong (no one really does).” That small sentence felt important.
It sounds like there is a part of you that wants someone to notice that things are not okay, while another part is not sure you would want to tell them even if they did ask.
From what you shared, sadness seems to have become familiar, while happiness feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar. That can happen when someone has been carrying difficult feelings for a long time. It does not mean there is something wrong with you.
And regardless of what emotions show up - sadness, numbness, loneliness, anger, relief, happiness - they all have a right to exist. Emotions do not need to be justified before they are allowed. There is no guilt trap here, no shame, and no need to convince anyone that what you are feeling is serious enough.
You also said, “I feel like I need help but I don’t trust anyone, especially counsellors.” At the same time, you do not want to tell anyone anything.
Both of those things can exist together.
And if there are moments when you do not want help and what you need instead is space, that can exist too. Sometimes people need distance before they are ready for connection.
You also described yourself as a naturally “happy” person in real life. Sometimes when someone becomes very good at looking okay on the outside, people do not realise how lonely things have become underneath. Not because your pain is not there, but because others can only see what is visible to them.
I wonder what “feeling understood” would look like for you right now. What would you hope someone could notice or understand without you having to explain everything? There is a part of you letting others see what has been happening inside.
For now, perhaps the first step is making sure you stay safe and knowing that you do not have to explain for people to care. If you choose to share more, it can be on your terms, at your pace. There is no need to convince anyone of your pain before it deserves to be heard.
And if the urges to hurt yourself are becoming stronger, or you feel unable to keep yourself safe, please reach out to someone immediately. SOS (1-767) and National Mindline (1771) are available, even if all you can say right now is, “I’m not okay.”
Maybe we just start there.