I always wonder why i always needed to be the one to initiate contact and not the other person?
Maybe perhaps they didnt treat me as a “friend” to begin with.
Its has always been the case since my school days. Not sure why i always have to be the one to follow others either.
I have know a few people during my volunteering, and they wanted to exchange contact with me, but after that they just disappeared still…i try to look for them once but they always seems busy with their real friends. So, i dont want to bother much since i dont want to make myself look like a velcro to them.
And hey…i am supposed to be the introvert here. Even the first day of class of my courses, i always find myself the one that ask everyone for contacts and start a group in whatapps, but yet, i also always the one that get outcasted.
Hey @user1446, it really sounds like you’ve been feeling left out and unappreciated for a long time and I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience that again and again. From what you’ve described, it seems like you’ve always made the effort to connect with others, but it’s often not been reciprocated the way you hoped. That must feel so disheartening and lonely, especially when you’re just trying to build genuine friendships.
I can really hear how tiring it must be to always be the one initiating, only to feel like you’re being forgotten or brushed aside. And the way you mentioned not wanting to seem like a “velcro”, that shows how thoughtful and self-aware you are. You’re trying to respect boundaries even when your own heart feels pushed away. That takes a lot of quiet strength.
It’s also so interesting that, even though you identify as an introvert, you still put yourself out there to create community and that honestly says a lot about your courage and desire for connection. Not many people are willing to take the first step, especially when it’s uncomfortable, but you do it anyway.
Still, being the one who always reaches out without much response can really chip away at your self-worth. I just want to say that this is not a reflection of your value. Sometimes, people don’t know how to show up for others in the way we hope, or they’re caught up in their own lives but that doesn’t mean you’re any less deserving of friendship and care.
I see you, and you’re not alone. You deserve to be met halfway, not to always carry the weight of keeping friendships alive.
Hey @user1446 ! First of all, want to say that it’s great you are out volunteering in your free time as it is in fact something to be proud of and taking your time to volunteer is really noble. Secondly, it seems like you feel left out and underappreciated from others around you. Some people really do change contacts during volunteering for genuine friendships so, there are gems out there and I believe that one day, on person will stick around. Friendships can seem transactional but I am really rooting for you to find a friend as strong as super glue!
Thank you for writing in and sharing how under appreciated you are feeling.
Although you are introverted by nature, you shared that you often make the first effort to initiate friendships by reaching out to connect with those you meet.
Understandably, when others do not make much effort to reciprocate, it feels your efforts are wasted and not valued.
Please do not be disheartened. I believe eventually there will be others who will match your sincerity by responding to your efforts. It may take time though, but please continue to reach out to those you connected with. You fully deserve good friendships and genuine connections.
Hey @user1446 I empathise with you on this. It must be tiring for you to always initiate conversations and actively reaching out to people. And from what you’ve shared, I can tell that after giving so much, you hope that there will be others that will reciprocate too.
What you’re asking for isn’t much — it’s human to want to build interpersonal connections with others, and it does not always have to come with a prerequisite of striking the first conversation.
Please know that because it’s happening now, it doesn’t mean that this will also be the case in the future. Please have faith that you’ll come across people that are genuinely interested in talking to you, or would love to have a conversation with you. Be yourself authentically and unapologetically, and you will attract people that resonate with you and who you can resonate with too.
Aww thanks for reaching out and sharing ! It is definitely tough when people do not respond back to you in the manner you want them to. Especially when you are considered an introvert, people do not seem to respond back to you even when you want to meet up/catch up/maintain the friendship. It definitely isn’t easy being in your position . Want to reassure you that you are doing well! Really appreciate your heart to want to be friends with others, even when you are not sure if they want to be your friend. As said by many of the other befrienders, be yourself! Be who you are and one day someone will stick around with you. They will see your value, your worth, your initatives to reach out and want to be a friend and that one friend/person will hopefully be the guy who sticks with you for life!
Honestly, continue to do what you do. You are such a rare gem in society and even though you identify yourself as introverted, thank you for taking that step up to reach out first ! You are really amazing and cool for that and I totally respect you.
Wishing you will find that group of friends soon . If you ever need a chat, the befrienders on mindline are here , feel free to start a thread and have a conversation with us!
Hello @user1446 it’s completely understandable to feel hurt when you’re always the one reaching out while others rarely do the same. It can make you wonder if they ever saw you as a real friend at all. You’ve made the effort, even as an introvert, and that takes a lot of courage. Whether it’s starting group chats or trying to keep in touch, you’re showing kindness and a willingness to connect. When people don’t respond or disappear, it’s easy to feel rejected and question your place in their lives. But that doesn’t mean you’re too much. It means you care. You deserve friendships where the effort goes both ways. It’s okay to stop chasing people who don’t value your presence. You’re not the problem. You’re just looking for genuine connection, and that’s something worth waiting for.
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in these thoughts. It hurts when it feels like you’re always the one reaching out, only to be met with silence or distance in return. It can make you question your worth and whether others truly see you as a friend. But your effort, your kindness, and your willingness to connect with others say so much about your heart. You deserve friendships that feel mutual, where you don’t have to chase or feel like you’re being left behind. Just because others didn’t show up for you the way you hoped doesn’t mean you’re any less worthy of love and connection. Sometimes it just takes time to find people who truly appreciate and see you for who you are. Please be kind to yourself in the meantime. The right people will value your presence without needing a reminder:)
Dear @user1446,
Thank you for having the courage to share this. I can feel the deep weariness in your words - that bone-deep exhaustion that comes from always being the one to extend your hand first, only to watch people slip away despite your efforts
The fact that this pattern has followed you since your school days makes your pain all the more real and understandable. Years of being the initiator, the one who cares more, the one left wondering ‘what’s wrong with me?’ - that’s a heavy burden to carry, and I want you to know that your frustration and hurt are completely valid yeah?~
Your heart’s capacity to keep reaching out, to keep trying despite repeated disappointment, speaks to something beautiful and resilient within you. But I also hear how much it’s costing you, and that matters deeply
Here’s what I’m gently wondering, and I ask this with nothing but care: what is it that you’re truly seeking when you reach out to others? Is it the warmth of being seen and valued? The security of knowing you matter to someone?
Sometimes our external relationships mirror the conversations we’re having with ourselves - the ways we seek from others what we might be struggling to give ourselves. This isn’t about blame or being ‘wrong’ - it’s about understanding the deeper need beneath the pattern
You deserve connections that feel mutual and nourishing. You deserve to feel valued without having to chase that feeling. Let’s explore what that might look like, starting from the inside out.
! It is definitely tough when people do not respond back to you in the manner you want them to. Especially when you are considered an introvert, people do not seem to respond back to you even when you want to meet up/catch up/maintain the friendship. It definitely isn’t easy being in your position 
. Want to reassure you that you are doing well! Really appreciate your heart to want to be friends with others, even when you are not sure if they want to be your friend. As said by many of the other befrienders, be yourself! Be who you are and one day someone will stick around with you. They will see your value, your worth, your initatives to reach out and want to be a friend 
and that one friend/person will hopefully be the guy who sticks with you for life!
! You are really amazing and cool for that and I totally respect you.
