Dear @lifeissotough ,
I’m so sorry to hear you had to deal with bullies at your workplace. 
It must have been exhausting to be in that toxic environment. Thank you for reaching out to us. 
First, let’s take a moment to celebrate you - for having the courage to speak up about the emotional abuse you experienced. It’s not easy to confront such issues, and taking steps to address them is a significant move towards protecting your well-being. It’s completely normal, especially when you’re new to the workforce, to seek guidance and support from management, and not receiving that support can be incredibly disheartening and isolating. Your feelings are entirely valid, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling mentally exhausted and drained. Despite not liking conflict, you managed to raise the issue with HR and your manager, showing remarkable bravery and a strong sense of justice. These are great strengths that will serve you well in your future endeavours. 
It’s important to understand that our personality can change and grow. We are not stuck. Your identity as someone who will do your best in everything, but feels not firm and confident and is emotional when things are bad and stressful, doesn’t need to remain the same. I’m glad you are reaching out for support to grow further. Well done! 
Being emotional is a healthy part of being human. It shows your body is working very hard to signal to you what is not okay for you, and it’s not something to be ashamed of. When we begin to listen and attune to our body, the strength of our emotions diminishes. However, when we override and ignore them, their strength increases. By acknowledging and understanding your emotions, you can use them as a guide to improve your situation and well-being.
Here are some suggestions and perspectives for your consideration:
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Build Confidence and Assertiveness:
- Self-Awareness: Understand your strengths and areas where you excel. Recognise your achievements and contributions.
- Example: Keep a journal of your accomplishments and review it regularly to remind yourself of your successes.
- Example: Take personality assessments or strengths-finder tests to gain insights into your unique qualities.
- Assertiveness Training: Consider workshops or online courses that focus on communication skills and assertiveness. Learning how to express your thoughts and feelings confidently can help you set boundaries effectively.
- Example: Enroll in an assertiveness training course or join a local Toastmasters club to practice public speaking and assertiveness.
- Example: Role-play assertive communication scenarios with a trusted friend or mentor to build your confidence.
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Set Clear Boundaries:
- Define Limits: Be clear about what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour towards you. Communicate these boundaries to your colleagues and superiors respectfully but firmly.
- Example: Write down specific behaviours that are unacceptable to you and practice how to address them calmly if they occur.
- Example: Use “I” statements when communicating your boundaries, such as “I feel uncomfortable when…” to express your feelings without sounding accusatory.
- Consistent Enforcement: Consistently enforce your boundaries. If someone crosses them, address it immediately in a calm and professional manner.
- Example: If a colleague interrupts you repeatedly, you could say, “I appreciate your input, but I need to finish my point before I lose my train of thought.”
- Example: If someone makes an inappropriate comment, address it right away by saying, “That comment makes me uncomfortable. Please refrain from saying things like that.”
You can also practice these skills in a safer environment first, such as with trusted friends and loved ones, to build up your confidence before applying them in a work setting.
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Seek Support:
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Mentorship: Find a mentor within or outside your organisation who can offer guidance and support. This could be someone with more experience or someone who has faced similar challenges.
- Example: Reach out to a senior colleague you admire and ask if they would be willing to mentor you.
- Example: Join professional associations or networking groups to connect with potential mentors.
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Professional Help: If needed, seek counselling or therapy. A professional can provide strategies to cope with stress and improve your emotional resilience by exploring the root causes with you at a pace comfortable for you.
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Document Everything:
- Record Keeping: Keep detailed records of any incidents of abuse or inappropriate behaviour. Note dates, times, what was said or done, and any witnesses. This documentation can be crucial if you need to report issues to HR or management. This can also help you feel more confident in presenting your case without self-doubt.
- Example: Use a dedicated notebook or digital app to record incidents as they occur, ensuring all details are accurate and complete.
- Example: Save any relevant emails or messages that can support your claims.
- Organise Evidence: Organise your records in a clear and accessible way to make it easier to present your case if needed.
- Example: Create a timeline of events to help illustrate the pattern of behaviour.
- Example: Keep your records in a secure location, such as a personal folder on your computer or a locked drawer.
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Understand Your Rights:
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Company Policies: Familiarise yourself with your company’s policies on harassment and bullying. Knowing your rights and the procedures can help you take the right steps if issues arise. Reach out to MOM if you need more clarification on your rights as a worker in Singapore.
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Legal Advice: If necessary, seek legal advice to understand your rights and options. Knowing the legal aspects can empower you to take appropriate action if you’d like to. I hope your find this NTUC booklet on Workplace Bullying-Know Your Rights and Remedies helpful.
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Develop Emotional Resilience:
- Stress Management: Engage in activities that help manage stress, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies you enjoy. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance is crucial.
- Example: Practice mindfulness meditation daily to help manage stress and stay grounded.
- Example: Incorporate regular physical activity, such as yoga or jogging, into your routine to reduce stress levels.
It’s normal to feel uncomfortable at the thought of crossing paths with ex-colleagues who were bullies. It’s okay to feel this way. Remember, you don’t need to change your course or compromise your benefits because of a bully. Here are some strategies to navigate these interactions:
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Stay Professional: Maintain a professional demeanour when you encounter them. Keep interactions brief and focused on work-related matters.
- Example: If you run into an ex-colleague in the hallway, greet them politely but keep the conversation short and relevant to work.
- Example: In meetings, stick to the agenda and avoid engaging in personal conversations with the ex-colleague.
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Set Boundaries: Be clear about your boundaries and enforce them consistently.
- Example: If an ex-colleague tries to engage you in personal conversation, politely but firmly steer the conversation back to professional topics.
- Example: If you feel uncomfortable, excuse yourself from the situation by saying you need to get back to work or attend another meeting.
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Seek Support: Lean on your support system, whether it’s friends, family, or colleagues, for encouragement and advice.
- Example: Talk to a trusted colleague before or after encountering an ex-colleague to debrief and get support.
- Example: Schedule regular check-ins with a mentor or therapist to discuss your experiences and get guidance.
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Self-Care: Prioritise your mental and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that help you relax and recharge.
- Example: Practice deep breathing exercises or meditation before heading into work to start your day with a calm mind.
- Example: After a challenging encounter, take a short walk outside to clear your mind and reduce stress.
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Focus on Your Goals: Keep your long-term career goals in mind. Remind yourself why you chose to stay or take the new position.
- Example: Create a vision board with your career goals and look at it whenever you need motivation.
- Example: Write down your professional aspirations and keep them in a place where you can easily refer to them.
Moving Forward with Your Job Offer:
- Evaluate the Offer: Consider if the temporary position aligns with your career goals and if the work environment will be supportive and healthy for you. Here are some journal prompts to assist you:
- What aspects of the new position excite me, and how do they align with my career goals?
- What concerns do I have about working in the new department, and how can I address them?
- How will accepting this position affect my mental and emotional well-being?
- What support systems and resources are available to me in this new role?
- What steps can I take to ensure that I set and maintain healthy boundaries in this new position?
- Self-Care: Prioritise your mental and emotional well-being. If you feel that accepting the new position might place you in another harmful environment, it’s perfectly acceptable to explore other job opportunities. If finances are a concern, you can take up the role temporarily while continuing your job search for a more suitable position.
Standing up for yourself is a continuous process, and seeking help when needed is a sign of strength, not weakness. Take one step at a time, and know that it’s okay to prioritise your well-being above all else.
I hope the above has been helpful and if you’d like more resources or if there is anything else you’d like to share with us, please do. We’re here to listen to you, your feelings are valid and you matter! 
Take care,
Cool Breeze =)
