I want to say I’m not at risk of doing anything stupid and even if I’d had enough of life I wouldn’t have the guts to end it. At what point are thoughts of killing myself if something I should tell people that can help me. Again I am in no danger (probably). I simply have been feeling really tired like I can’t deal with other people in top of everything I’m doing wrong, and thinking about how it might be better for everyone I’ve ever met if I simply died so they didn’t have to deal with me and how in the long run it would be less painful for them if I died then if I lived. I know that’s stupid but increasingly I can’t do anything that lets my mind wander because I’m afraid of thinking about how horrid of a failure I am. I’m sorry for wasting your time I know this is not that concerning especially since I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember I just don’t want to pass up a chance to blab to the world about how “broken” I am.
Hey @user2196,
I’d like to assure you that you’re not wasting anyone’s time by sharing this.
Getting those thoughts out instead of keeping them bottled up is actually a really strong step, and it shows you care about your own well-being even if you feel worn down. Feeling like life is heavy or that you’re a burden can be exhausting, but those thoughts don’t define your worth, and they don’t make you broken.
If the idea of dying keeps popping up, even without intent, that’s usually a sign it could help to talk it through with someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, family member, or a professional, because having another perspective can lighten the load.
You deserve space where you don’t have to carry everything alone, and it’s okay to reach out, because it’s about giving yourself the same care you’d want for someone else in your shoes.
If you’re looking to explore resources to seek help, this weblink may be beneficial to you: mindline.sg | First Stop for Mental Health Support in Singapore
Do let me know if you’d like me to elaborate on the support schemes that are available out there!
Thank you, I was primarily trying to find a quantitative standard for the term “suicidal thoughts.”
Hi @user2196,
When you talked about how it might be “better for everyone” if you weren’t around, it carries the feeling of someone who has spent a long time believing their presence creates inconvenience. That kind of thinking usually doesn’t appear out of nowhere, it often grows in people who’ve had to look after others, or adjust themselves constantly, until their own needs feel like an afterthought.
The way you describe being scared of your own mind when it’s quiet says a lot too. It sounds like those harsh thoughts come in fast, like they’ve been rehearsed over the years. That’s what long-term low self-esteem can look like, you start taking every painful thought as if it’s the truth about you.
Let me ask you something gently, “When those thoughts show up, do they feel like you want everything to end… or more like you want the pressure and self-blame to stop crushing you?” This not a test, just a way of understanding what part hurts the most.
You mentioned wanting a “quantitative standard” for suicidal thoughts. Most people reach for definitions when they’re unsure if their experience is valid enough to talk about. But honestly, whether the thoughts count as suicidal or not, what matters is this, anyone who feels worn down deserves support and care. Talking with a counsellor or mental health professional isn’t about proving risk levels. It’s about giving yourself a place to understand why these thoughts keep coming up, and learning how to cope instead of bracing yourself alone.
Do feel free to drop in and tell us how you feel anytime. 
Thank you for the encouragement and insight. To the question you posed, I want everything to end because I feel that every time I interact with someone or do anything I always start to feel like I failed in one way or another. a piece of encouragement I should have given, a failure to convey remorse or letting emotions interfere with logical resource, every time I stop doing something my mind starts going through everything I ever could have done differently. for example, my grandpa passed last year from a stroke, when it happened I didn’t realize what had happened and went about my life because he said he was fine. I only realized what was happening three hours later, we got him to the hospital but he died less than a week later. everyone says I responded in a good amount of time but I often wonder what would have happened if I wasn’t being stupid not realizing he was dying. and every time it’s more of the same, and I wonder if me being alive has any positive effects and how much harm I’ve caused and how much more I will cause if I continue living.
Hi,
People who grow up in that kind of servitude often learn to measure their worth by how perfectly they show up for others… and the moment something goes wrong, the blame goes straight inward.
What you said about your grandfather… that hit a different note. That kind of loss leaves a long shadow, especially when you didn’t get the time or clarity to process it properly. You weren’t being careless, you responded based on the information you had, and you moved the moment you realised something was wrong. But I can hear how the guilt grabbed onto that moment and hasn’t let you go since. Sometimes when someone passes, all the “what ifs” become louder than the actual love or relationship that existed. It’s common, but painful, because hindsight always makes us feel smaller than we were.
And the way you describe wanting everything to end, not because you want to die, but because you can’t take the constant self-criticism. That’s the exhaustion talking. When someone has spent their whole life caring, supporting, adjusting, keeping peace… they get very used to comparing themselves to others and always finding themselves lacking. I’m noticing that pattern in your words.
Let me ask you something a bit different to help you see yourself:
If you were speaking to a friend who felt exactly the way you do right now, what would you say to them? What would feel genuine, not forced?
Most people can offer compassion outwardly, even when they can’t give any to themselves. And maybe that tiny spark can help you notice how compassion has to start inside you before it can be offered in a way that doesn’t drain you.
You mentioned feeling like you bring harm just by being alive. That’s not coming from truth, that’s coming from being worn down and going through your own unresolved pain without anyone holding space for you. When someone is struggling privately like that, and never asks for support, compassion gets directed outward and never inward. And that emptiness makes everything look like failure.
For now, you’re not meant to carry grief, guilt, and self-blame without support. And talking to a counsellor or mental health professional isn’t about proving risk, it’s about finally giving yourself a chance to understand the pressure you’ve been under and learning how to cope without tearing yourself apart.
You’ve been doing everything for everyone else for a long time.
Let’s give a little of that care back to you.
hello, thank you for sharing, and here is a safe space for you to share with us what us been bothering you:) there are some helplines here where you can confide to friendly counsellors, alternatively feel free to post on lets talk! No problem or struggle is too small to seek help here. Rooting for you OP!