Is it normal to constantly have your head tell you to end your life whenever you make a mistake?

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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When I was 13-14, I had easy access to social media and was aware of how people would assume that any sadness at my age would be considered an “emo phase”, so I generally pushed away my feelings of immense sadness since there were clearly people who had way worse lives than me. Every time I made a mistake that seemed attention seeking, I would be mad at myself because I had to right to express my emotions to others, since I still had my basic needs met, unlike others.

Every time I thought about the attention seeking actions that I did, like expressing my sadness on social media, my brain would say, “kill yourself”, and I would have intense inner monologues. Part of me would understand how I was feeling, part of me would say I was doing it for attention, part of me would say I was being overdramatic, and the solution would always be a quick and dismissive “kys”.

I got better when I was 15-16, because I found things that genuinely made me happy. I had things that occupied my day and distracted me from feeling like I had no purpose in life. I occupy my time to push my thoughts away. These thoughts became less frequent, but still popped up quite often whenever I thought of my mistakes (especially in social interactions). But I felt a lot better in this period, and I assumed that I would never go back to how I felt when I was 13, because I was “overreacting” then since everyone had that emo phase at that age, and it was all part of “being a teen”.

But part of me also understands that pain, and I don’t think it was all for attention. I don’t think I was in pain because I wanted attention, I think I wanted attention because I was in pain. But I also had become so familiar with the feeling. Mental health was also a very prominent topic then, so I was also cautious in accidentally self diagnosing myself, because again I was scared of what people would think. Whenever I thought I might be depressed, I would tell myself that I had nothing to be depressed about. I still wanted to live, I just struggled to see a point in it.

Recently, this strangely familiar feeling has come back. With less distractions in my life now, the overwhelming sadness is here again. Last night, as I was going to sleep, my head was going crazy as I was combining my past experiences and recent mistakes, highlighting the fact that I have not changed and I should still kms. I know I won’t actually do it, but it extremely disruptive, and I feel like the only thing that has changed from when I was 13 to now is the fact that I have experienced a point in time where these thoughts were not what occupied my day.

Again with the fear of self diagnosing, I think I might have some sort of disorder that makes me think differently from others, as I feel like I think too much. So in the day, even when I’m trying to distract myself, these overwhelming thoughts will pounce on me very frequently. I am happy during the day, when I’m surrounded by people, but I can’t help but feel heavy hearted when I am alone. When these thoughts appear, I try my best to sweep them away. In the daytime, I have started subconsciously blinking really hard, which dismisses the thoughts, and I have caught myself doing it a lot. But at night, I try to have a conversation with myself, which usually ends with me taking a deep breath and saying I need to sleep.

I am also scared of asking other people if this is normal. Because if it is, then im just an attention seeker that doesn’t see the struggles that everyone else faces, and im just trying to make my life seem more dramatic.

So, I just want to know anonymously, is it normal to have your mind tell you to kill yourself whenever something bad happens, even if you don’t think you’ll actually do it?

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Hi stranger, I’m no therapist but as someone who has had thought of ending life, I can truly empathise with your situation.

Life is complicated, it’s not simply about having a roof over our head or food and clean water on the table. Life is also about relationship, purpose and hope. Without these things, life grows heavy and dark and our mind, without a simple way to obtain these things, resorts to the closest way out.

For those like us who spend a lot of time in our own head, certain ideas are bound to come back, especially those that we try to surpress.

I noticed that you mentioned stopping yourself from expressing sadness online. And I think its a positive step to have opened up here. Being honest and vulnerable with your emotions isn’t attention seeking. It’s what we, as humans were meant to do.

So to come back to the question. Yes, it’s normal for people who don’t have an alley to express themselves to feel the desire to escape from life. Nobody is designed to keep so many difficult thoughts and feelings constantly playing in their own head.

If you can, try to find people to talk to about your feelings, whether they be happy ones or difficult ones. You might just find that there are more people going through something similar.

You’re doing incredible, continuing to persevere and reaching out here. Don’t give up!

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Hey @user451312,

You asked whether it’s normal for your mind to tell you to kill yourself whenever something bad happens, even if you don’t think you’ll act on it.

I want to respond directly and firmly on this. It’s not considered a typical stress response. Most people may criticise themselves after a mistake, but the mind jumping straight to “kys” suggests something more than ordinary self-criticism.

What you described sounds closer to intrusive self-harm thoughts. These are automatic, unwanted thoughts that can appear suddenly, especially when shame or self-blame is triggered. They don’t automatically mean you want to die. They are mental events, not intentions.

I also notice how strongly you invalidate yourself. You repeatedly measure your pain against others and conclude you have “no right” to feel bad. That pattern, dismissing your own distress because others suffer more often strengthens shame rather than resolving it.

The blinking hard during the day and mentally debating at night shows you are actively trying to manage these thoughts. That’s coping. It may not feel effective, but it indicates you are trying to stay in control.

You asked if this is just being dramatic or attention-seeking. Wanting attention when you are in pain is a normal attachment response. Humans seek connection when distressed. That doesn’t make the distress fake.

The fact that these thoughts reduce when you are engaged and return when you are alone also gives useful information. It suggests the mind becomes louder when there is less distraction, not that you are inventing the problem.

One thing to gently consider: when the “kys” thought appears, does it feel deliberate, or does it feel automatic and intrusive?

You mentioned you don’t think you would act on it. That’s important. But recurring suicidal thoughts, even without intent, are still a valid reason to seek professional assessment. You don’t need to self-diagnose to justify support.

If at any point the thoughts shift from disruptive to unsafe, that becomes urgent. In Singapore, you can contact:

You’ve been managing this internally for years. It makes sense that you’re tired of the loop. This doesn’t read as drama. It reads as a long-standing pattern that deserves proper attention.

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Hi hi!! Thank you @sweetpotatoporridge and @FuYuan_Affections for your advice and comfort! It’s really nice to know I’m not alone and I feel incredibly validated. Hope you both have a wonderful week ahead :slight_smile: :heart: thanks for taking the time to respond​:two_hearts:I hope you both also have your own support systems as you journey through life!!

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