i just honestly feel that im treated slightly different my frns they r great but sometimes i just feel so trapped like i cant be myself arnd them sometimes being nice doesn’t work being mean doesn’t work i feel they r always talk bad abt me i feel like im gg through what happened in the past i dont feel right i just feel trapped
Dear @sillyteen,
Thank you so much for writing in to us and sharing with us your struggles and emotions. I hear that you are feeling trapped and somewhat confused regarding some of your friends who are supposed to be ‘Best Friends’. It takes a lot of courage to open up to total strangers online and about something so close and personal to you so I really want to commend you on your bravery and openness.
Friendships can be really hard to navigate in general but especially so during teenage years when emotions are intense, social dynamics are complex and self-discovery is in full swing. Sending you compassion and hugs! Let’s take this apart bit by bit, okay?
‘Can’t be myself’
Feeling like you can’t be yourself around your ‘best friends’ can feel incredibly isolating and disheartening. It’s like wearing a mask and pretending to fit into a mould that doesn’t truly represent who you are. You might fear judgement, rejection or losing these connection. The weight of maintaining this façade can be so very exhausting and it often leads to a sense of loneliness even in the company of others. Remember, true friendships allow you to be authentic and accept you for who you are. If you constantly feel the need to talk or act a certain way, it could explain why you have been feeling increasingly trapped and feeling like ‘something is not right’. How long, I wonder, do you think you could handle being in this situation where you can’t be yourself?
Something is not right
Our emotions are like signals to us, sharing wisdom with us and directing our attention to certain things which may be significant or requires attention. They allow us to evaluate what matters to us in our lives, in this case, your relationship with your friends. It seems like they are presently telling you something is not right, something is off. I wonder if I could invite you to sit a little bit with these feelings and become curious about what wisdom it has to share with you? So far, it seems to be reminding you of a past experience which perhaps feels familiar to you? What happened in the past? Do you note the similarities/differences between then and now? What emotions and feelings did you feel then? Does it feel familiar? I would like to encourage you to take a notebook and jot down your response to these questions and invite this part of you that feels strongly that something is not right to share more with you its story, what it wants you to know and what it needs from you. Have a little conversation with this part if you will and get to know it well because our emotions have much wisdom to share with us and will keep intimating to us until we heed it.
Trapped
When we feel trapped, we might sometimes feel a whole range of feelings that can be overwhelming. If we are trapped in a lift that has broken down, for example, we might first try our best to get help or find a way out which is akin to you trying various things such as being nice, being mean etc. But when nothing seems to work, one might start to feel a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, despair, anger, sadness, frustration and so on. It can be a terribly lonely and challenging experience.
In your case, it seems like you feel trapped and have mixed feelings about your friends. On one hand, you say they are ‘great’ but then you also feel like they treat you differently, they talk bad about you and nothing you do seems to ‘work’. It seems to me, and I could be wrong, there is a part of you that wants to remain connected to these friends and believe that they are really your best friends but yet there is another part of you waving the red flag frantically telling you no, something is wrong, they aren’t quite your friends. Am I right? If so, it is no wonder you feel trapped and stuck between a hard place and a rock because both parts are strong, vocal and vying for your attention and who can blame you, they both make so much sense, right?
May I suggest you take some time to ‘talk’ to these two parts individually? Take a piece of paper and write to the ‘Best friends’ part and ask it:
- What does it want to share with you?
- Why these friends are so important for you?
- What are its fears and concerns?
- What does it need from you?
- Anything else it wants to share with you?
And then, do likewise for the part that says something is off and ask it:
- What does it want to share with you?
- Tell you more about the memory it wants you to remember
- What wisdom/insights does it want to share with you from the past?
- What are its fears and concerns?
- What does it need from you?
- Anything else it wants to share with you?
Just write freely and since it is really only for your eyes only, just scribble away. See what comes up for you and hopefully, you will have greater clarity at the end of it. Of course, you could also do this exercise with a trained counsellor who might be able to hold space for you and enable you to process deeper and safely. If you would like to speak to a counsellor, here are some possible resources:
Touch Community Services: 1800-377-2252
Care Corner Counselling Centre: 1800-353-5800
eCounselling Centre (Fei Yue): ec2.sg - Fei Yue
LimitlessSG: https://www.limitless.sg/
Hope this has been helpful for you @sillyteen! Do take care and as always, reach out to us anytime you need a listening ear or some help. You are not alone in what you are going through! Hugs!