Dealing with stress/anxiety

Ask a Therapist Coping
1

I generally try my best, but when I feel anxious, I tend to forget everything and anything. Which is why I would like someone to provide me a list of what I can use for my anxiety. It stopped me from having closer relationships with a lot of random people and made me really negative as a person, I want to be in peace. Let me know!

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Hey @user9499,

It sounds like you’ve been trying really hard to manage things on your own and when anxiety shows up, all that effort seems to disappear. It’s not that you’re not capable, it’s that when fear suddenly takes over, what will you do when you don’t meet expectations or if you fail?

When I read what you said about anxiety stopping you from having closer relationships, I wonder what the fear behind that might be. Is it the fear of being judged, or of saying the wrong thing and losing connection? Sometimes we start believing distance protects us, but it also quietly convinces us that we’re the “negative” one, when really, it’s fear trying to keep us safe from disappointment.

Maybe you can start by noticing when anxiety tends to appear. Then, pause and ask yourself three simple questions:

  1. Is it true? — Is this thought based on facts or on fear?
  2. Is it helpful? — Does holding on to this thought help me feel or act better?
  3. Is it worth it? — Is this worry worth my peace right now?

You don’t have to get the answers perfect. The goal is just to slow fear down long enough for your calm voice to catch up.

If you’d like a few things to keep handy when the fear starts spinning:

  • Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 6; feel your chest rise and fall.
  • Look around and name 5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 you hear; remind your body you’re safe.
  • Jot one short note: What was I afraid of just now? Was it true, helpful, or worth it?

What you’re doing, recognising your anxiety and still reaching out, already shows courage. Maybe the next step is to recognise the fear and to start getting curious about what it’s really trying to say.

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Hi @user9499

What you’re going through sounds genuinely painful. You mentioned that anxiety makes you “forget everything and anything,” keeps you from getting close to people, and leaves you feeling “negative as a person.” I can hear how heavy that must feel.

When anxiety hits, lots of us go blank. It’s your system trying to protect you in the only way it knows how—quieting the remembering and thinking parts so it can scan for danger and signs of things that may happen. That doesn’t say anything bad about you.

If you feel okay sharing, what does your anxiety tend to focus on? Being rejected, being judged, doing the “wrong thing”, or something else? Understanding that might help you figure out what you need right now.

You asked for a list. I’m not a professional, so these are just ideas that have helped me or people I care about—think of them as small add-ons to the really helpful professional advice @FuYuan_Affections has given:

  • Name it to tame it: “Right now I’m feeling anxious
 because I’m worried that ___.”

  • Kind reminder: “It’s okay if I don’t remember everything right now, and I don’t need to”

  • Write it down: keep a tiny list of things you want to remember (on your phone or a note).

  • Borrow some calm: If you feel like you can, it might be helpful to message someone you feel safe with, “Hey X, I am feeling a little anxious right now, can I borrow some of your calm for 5 minutes?”

  • Experiment with thoughts: If you are in a safe environment and feel okay yourself, you could test whether the negative thoughts or assumptions are true — the more we prove them wrong, the less powerful they often feel in the future.

I know reaching out can feel scary, especially when anxiety convinces you you’re “too negative” or “too much.” But safe people usually want to show up for us more than we expect. Even small steps count.

If you ever feel up to it, working with a professional can make a big difference—they can help you explore the roots of your anxiety with support that’s tailored to you. There are online and in-person options, so you can choose what feels most manageable.

You deserve the peace you’re looking for, truly.

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Hi @user9499 Thanks for sharing! I think it’s great that you are striving to change and to treat yourself better :slight_smile:

Something that has helped me a lot (as an anxious individual myself!) is writing to myself :)It helps me think clearer when I write/type down my anxious thoughts (eg how I’m feeling what I’m thinking what triggered it etc). Then afterwards, I will reply to that what I wrote from the pov of a comforting friend💗 cuz when listening to a friend’s problems, we tend to listen from a more rational perspective(cuz 3rd person pov!) and view it with more kindness(cuz they’re your friend!). This has helped me debunked some unrealistic thought and also remind myself to be kind to me. Since changes made out of love will result in changes you will love!

There are a lot of suggestions here that you can try but just know that’s it’s normal if you don’t feel like they work the first time! it needs consistent practice to kind of ‘re-wire’ our brain so our anxious thought appear less :slight_smile: You got this :heart: Feel free to share more about how you’re feeling~

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