Hi @user7112 ,
Thank you for sharing your diagnosis, reading what you’ve described, it sounds tiring. Three medications, physical side effects, extended MC, psychology sessions, a welfare check, IMH. That’s a lot of appointments and interventions in a short time. It makes sense if you feel worn down.
About the numbness, antidepressants are designed to reduce emotional lows. When they work that way, some people experience flattening. Not feeling much either way. It doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong, but it may mean the fit needs reviewing. Two and a half months with rashes and numbness is something your psychiatrist should review properly.
The night episodes sound more acute. Panic attacks are full body surges, heart racing, muscles tightening, adrenaline kicking in. When you claw yourself, it may be your body trying to regulate overwhelming activation. That doesn’t make it harmless, but it gives us information about what’s happening.
Have you had space with your psychiatrist or psychologist to fully process all of this, not just symptoms, but the frustration and the impact of the welfare check and IMH admission? Sometimes appointments focus on adjustments without processing the experience.
You said you want to get better but don’t know if you have the capacity. The fact that you’re still in treatment, still asking this question, tells me there’s still a part of you trying, even if it’s very tired. It may just be depleted.
Right now the focus should be stabilising the nights and reducing the intensity of the panic. If you feel at risk of harming yourself, please reach out immediately, SOS 1767 or National Mindline 1771, or WhatsApp +65 6669 1771.
Maybe start with this, understand what is draining the sense of capacity, that’s often a good place to start.