I'm at a loss

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

I have always had the feeling of hopelessness as a child, it didn’t feel right but I have lived my life this way. It wasn’t every day, some days i’m fine, some days are especially harder than the rest. I have faced episodes of insanely low moods that resulted in me turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms but after that i feel fine. These episodes normally last a few weeks, my feelings are so intense it becomes unbearable but somehow i can still go about my day too. So, it raises the question, was i just faking it?

The past 4 months, my feelings had been overwhelming, many things filled my mind, I felt anxious nearly every day. I’d go about my day but I know it’s there, I feel on edge almost all the time. But i’ve been through this before, it’ll pass right? it got even worse as I took on more and more responsibilities, i’d come home, laying in bed and crying myself to sleep. i caught myself crying a couple of times in public, i’d just be sitting or doing a task and the tears just slipped past. My sleep quality has been horrible and i faced a loss in appetite during this period. I finally couldn’t take it, this has been happening for too long now. I broke down, my feelings were a mess, I couldn’t pinpoint what was stressing me out the most. My mind was constantly going back and forth, thinking about the future and flashbacks about past trauma. I even finally decided to seek help but after breaking down, I feel fine. So it makes me wonder again, was I faking it? Was I just overreacting? What i had felt for the past 4 months was so real but now i feel nothing, the intense unbearable emotions are suddenly gone. It feels odd.

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Hey @user9812 . Thank you for sharing this so openly. I just want to start by saying that you are not overreacting or faking it. I can really feel the weight of what you’ve been through like the exhaustion, the confusion, and also the courage it takes to keep going through each day despite how heavy things feel. Sometimes when our feelings become overwhelming, our system fluctuates between intense emotion and emotional numbness which both are real responses to prolonged stress or hurt. Feeling “fine” after breaking down doesn’t mean what you felt wasn’t real; it might just mean your mind and body are trying to protect and recover from the intensity of it all.

You mentioned that you’ve been through this before and that you decided to seek help this time and that’s such a meaningful step forward. It shows that even in your lowest moments, you care about yourself enough to want to feel better. That matters.

When things feel too much, simple grounding exercises can help bring you back to the present moment like deep breathing or the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. These don’t make the pain disappear, but they can help your body know you’re safe right now. And since you seem very insightful about your emotions, journaling might be a good outlet. You could write down your thoughts when you’re feeling low, then look back when things feel calmer. It might help you notice patterns and triggers with more compassion rather than judgment.

You’ve already shown so much awareness and resilience just by noticing your patterns and seeking help. If you ever feel like the heaviness returns or becomes too much, please don’t hesitate to reach out for support again, whether it’s a counsellor, therapist, or even someone you trust.

Be patient with yourself. Every step you take to understand and care for yourself matters. Wishing you moments of calm and gentleness ahead, okie? You deserve to feel supported, safe, and at ease :sunflower:

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Hello @user9812 thank you for sharing this here. It sounds like you’ve been carrying such a heavy emotional weight for a long time. Feeling anxious almost every day, crying often, and struggling with sleep and appetite. That must have been incredibly hard to go through. What you described shows just how much pain you were in, and how your body and mind were trying to cope with everything that was happening.

It also makes sense that your thoughts were constantly moving between worries about the future and memories from the past. That kind of mental tug-of-war can be so draining. You’ve clearly been through a lot, and the fact that you chose to reach out for help shows so much courage and self-awareness. That’s a really big step, and it’s something to be proud of.

As for the emotions feeling like they suddenly disappeared, that doesn’t mean you were faking anything. Sometimes after an intense period of emotional pain, our bodies and minds sort of “shut down” or go numb as a way of protecting us from feeling more pain. It can feel strange or even confusing, but it doesn’t mean what you went through wasn’t real. The fact that you’ve experienced that much intensity shows that your feelings were very real — and it’s okay to feel fine right now too. Healing often comes in waves, and this might just be a calm moment after the storm.

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Hey, there’s nothing odd about what you are experiencing. And after reading your post, it didn’t sound fake at all. It looked like you have been trying very hard to hold and live up to the expectations of others, taking on more and more responsibilities even when the body and mind are already stretched thin.

When you said you’ve lived with hopelessness since young, it felt like you experienced failures so much that that they block out any path toward a positive outcome. So you keep pushing, fearing what happens if you don’t meet others’ expectations and that fear… it keeps you alert, but also tired.

The “unhealthy coping” you mentioned, it might help to name what that looked like? Sometimes what we call unhealthy is really our body’s way of saying “I don’t know how else to survive this.”. The crying spells, the lack of sleep, even the numbness after an emotional crash, these are signs that your system is struggling to regulate, not that you’re weak or faking it.

You also mentioned past trauma and flashbacks, those moments of feeling on edge, the crying in public, or the sudden collapse afterward, it’s clear that you are suffering from panic attack or body memories resurfacing. The exhaustion and appetite loss show that your body’s taken a toll too. This might be a good time to see a GP to rule out physical causes and let them know about the low mood and sleep issues.

You made the right move to finally sought help. Can I ask, did you get to share everything with the doctor or counsellor you saw? Even if you felt “fine” afterward, that moment of relief doesn’t erase what you’ve been through. It just means your system temporarily switched off from overload.

For now, can I check-in and ask, what does “fine” feel like in your body? Light, blank, shaky? Learning to read these signals helps you catch the next wave earlier, before it crashes. It makes sense you’re confused. Let’s not rush and judge your own actions if it as fake or real.