Hi,
Currently going thru separation with my husband, not sure if he wanna divorce not but then now I’m dating someone too.. Not to sure if I’m doing the right thing not.. The guy I’m dating his nice and very patient with me and understand I’m not divorce yet and he’s been financially supportive as I can’t sustain a FT job cause of my anxiety. I do love him and my mum knows about him but ask me not to date as his Indian and my mum kind of racist and not supportive about us.
Dear @user7425
Thank you for reaching out to share what you are currently experiencing. What you’re going through sounds like a mixture of complex emotions amid a lot of uncertainty. I think it is understandable that you are feeling conflicted. Please know that any person in your situation would feel similarly.
I notice that you are navigating multiple major stressors at the same time: a separation that hasn’t fully resolved, anxiety that affects your ability to work, a new relationship that brings care and stability, and family pressure that adds another layer of pain. Without a doubt, that is a lot for one person to carry, especially when there are no clear answers yet.
It’s therefore understandable that you’re questioning whether you’re doing the “right” thing. When a marriage hasn’t officially ended, emotions are rarely clear. I believe you dating someone during this transition is arising from the need for connection and support as you navigate a difficult period.
I am glad to hear that the person you’re dating has been good and supportive. I gather his care brings some stability and comfort. At the same time, I believe it is also okay to pause and reflect on whether this relationship is supporting your healing, or if it’s becoming complicated by unresolved feelings, dependency, or external pressure. I therefore gently encourage to take some time by yourself to find out what you really want and need as you figure out next steps.
I gather that your mum’s reaction adds another painful dimension. Having someone you love disapprove of your relationship, especially for reasons tied to race, can feel invalidating and deeply upsetting. I feel you are placed in a conflicted position of choosing between your own emotional needs and family acceptance and that is distressing.
May I gently suggest that you speak to a counsellor soon? They would provide a non judgmental safe space for you to slowly identify your own needs during this stage of your life.
The counsellor can help you sort through:
what you want from your marriage and whether you’re ready for clarity,
what this new relationship means to you beyond the comfort it provides,
how to cope with family pressure without losing yourself,
and how to regain a sense of independence and confidence despite anxiety.
I think counselling will also help you gain clarity in making good choices that won’t hurt you in the long run.
Please know that you do not need to have all the answers. You’re allowed to take things one step at a time. Go at your own pace and comfort level to achieve safety, clarity, emotional connection, or rest. You fully deserve support that helps you grow.