How can I stop worrying and over thinking?

Ask a Therapist Coping
1

I have received offers from two universities, and the deadline to make a decision is coming soon. I roughly know which school I should choose, but I can’t stop over thinking every factor in my decision. I have been worrying about it every night and it has affected my ability to sleep.

Since I initially didn’t think I would choose that particular school at first, and I have been seeing my friends going to the other school, I keep doubting my choice and wondering if I will regret my decision.

I constantly focus on the possible negatives of my decision and I am worrying if I can cope in school even though I haven’t started yet. What should I do?

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Hi @user863778 !

Firstly, congratulations on receiving multiple offers! Don’t forget to celebrate while deliberating which to go with! :bouquet:

Let’s unpack the issues/dilemma you’ve brought up in this post.

1. Feeling like the choice of university your friends made might be better

It’s very natural to feel like the majority choice is the right one – if everyone wants it it must be good right? A further question you might want to explore before making certain conclusions

Why are they choosing this school? (try asking your friends about each of their reasons! do those resonate with you?)

2. Worrying about future regret

This is totally understandable, after all we’ve been told a few narratives esp in SG’s context: that success is linear, we move from one milestone to another and avoiding backtracking as much as possible for efficiency, or, that success is usually obtained following very specific pathways because there are certain “right” choices

I want to assure you that this is not true. A choice in university course is but one fork in the road. Every day you will need to make new choices again and again: which modules to pick? which hall to stay in? which CCA to join? This sounds awfully daunting doesn’t it, but this also means you get to try again and again, which is not just the reality, but also brings hope that there’s never a wrong choice but what you get to make of it.

3. Worrying about your ability to cope

It sounds like this underlies the overall anxiety about the situation and you’re already keenly aware that you’re worrying about something that hasn’t happened, yet, you can’t shake it off.

Some amount of worry is healthy - it means you’re taking your decisions seriously! But when we start tipping over, the worry can paralyse us, and it’s often our emotional brain taking over the logical brain. Let yourself worry for a bit, then protect some of your bandwidth and dedicate some time to listing out not just negatives, but also positives, and possible challenges but also your strengths (i.e. how have you coped with the same challenges in the past? this is real data!). This may help you to see the other side of the coin.

Hope this helps and I wish you the very best, you got this! :light_blue_heart:

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Hi @user863778

You mentioned that you “roughly know” which school you should choose, but your mind keeps going back to questioning the decision, especially at night.

It sounds like the decision itself may not be the only difficult part here. The uncertainty after making a major choice seems to be affecting you quite strongly as well.

The part about seeing your friends choose the other school also seems important. Sometimes even when we already have our own preference, seeing people around us make a different choice can trigger self-doubt very quickly. The thoughts can become:
“What if they made the better choice?”
“What if I regret this later?”
“What if I cannot cope?”

You also mentioned worrying about coping even before school has started. When anxiety builds up, the mind tends to focus more on possible negatives and future problems. It may feel like repeatedly thinking through every scenario will help you feel more certain, but after some time it usually increases stress instead of helping clarity.

One thing that stands out is that you already said you “roughly know” which school you want. That usually means a part of you has already considered your own needs, preferences, and priorities. The difficulty now may be trusting your decision while accepting that no choice comes with complete certainty.

In Singapore’s context, university decisions can feel very high stakes. There is often pressure to choose the “correct” path because it feels connected to future success, opportunities, and even identity. Because of that, it makes sense that this decision feels heavy.

At the same time, coping in university is not determined only by the school itself. A lot of adjustment happens gradually after entering the environment, through routines, support systems, friendships, and learning how to manage challenges over time.

I also want to point out the sleep issue because once anxiety starts affecting sleep, worries often feel more intense and harder to manage. It may help to notice when thinking about the decision has shifted from useful reflection into repeated overthinking.

You do not need to eliminate all doubt before making a decision. Most people still have some uncertainty even after choosing. Perhaps a gentler question to ask yourself is:
“Which option fits me better based on what I know about myself now?”

That may be more helpful than trying to find the one choice that guarantees no regret later on.