Fear of enrolling into uni

Ask a Therapist Coping
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I am entering into uni in February and whenever I think of it I feel overwhelmed with fear. I am aware that it is because I do not know how it’s going to be and the main reason is that it is the same uni as my ex boyfriend and the thought of seeing him erks me. How do I overcome this fear and make peace with the possibility of running into my ex?

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I have recently enrolled in uni and whenever I think of having to go to uni I get scared and feel anxiety. I regret my choice of a degree as the job scope with it is very small but I do not want to change it. The main reason to why I’m scared is because my ex goes to the same uni.

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Thanks for sharing, @user1643. It’s natural to feel anxious about entering a new phase, especially with the added challenge of potentially seeing your ex. Start by focusing on what you want from this experience—new friendships, learning, and growth. These can anchor your mindset.

Reflect on the past relationship. Are there unresolved feelings? If so, consider working through them to reclaim emotional space. When imagining running into him, try visualizing a calm, confident version of yourself. This helps reduce fear over time.

What excites you about university? Shifting focus to your goals might lessen the weight of this fear. How can you set boundaries if you do meet him?

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you can do more research n read up more about your course in these 2 months b4 school starts. you have to remember that your goal in uni is to get a degree to get a job to pay for your neccessities and self care, not your ex. Exes r exes for a reason and they are in the past. Making new frens, new rs n new memories are more important than fearing bumping into ur ex. Let these overpower ur fear. U can either be cordial (up to u cuz it may be giving misleading signals) or treating a stranger as a stranger

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Hi @user1643,

It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed as you prepare to step into a new chapter of your life. You are right, especially when it includes unresolved feelings with others like your ex. Whatever your feelings are given the context, it’s okay to acknowledge them without judgement.

Here are some steps that might help you navigate this transition:

  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s natural to feel uneasy about the unknown. Try to remind yourself that fear is your brain’s way of preparing for change—it doesn’t mean you can’t handle it.
  2. Reframe Your Focus: While it’s hard to ignore the presence of your ex, consider shifting your focus to the opportunities ahead—making new friends, learning new things, and creating your unique path. Try to envision this as your journey, independent of anyone else.
  3. Prepare for Encounters: If you do run into your ex, think of ways to respond that make you feel comfortable. This could be a simple nod or polite greeting. You don’t owe them anything more than you’re ready to give.
  4. Coping with Regret: It’s okay to second-guess decisions, but try to focus on what you can gain from this experience. Every degree has its value, and your time at university is as much about self-growth as it is about academics.
  5. Reach Out for Support: Consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or a university counsellor about your feelings. Sometimes, sharing these thoughts can provide clarity and relief.
  6. Small Steps to Build Confidence: Start by visualising your first day, one step at a time—packing your bag, arriving at campus, and finding your first class. This can help make the unknown feel more manageable.

Remember, you’ve taken a brave step by enrolling in university, even with these challenges ahead. That shows strength and determination. You are more capable than you may give yourself credit for, and this could be the beginning of something transformative for you.

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Hey @user1643 most unis are hugee haha and lessons are usually held at diffrent timings and various locations within the school so the likelyhood of meeting someone specific is not that high unless you are intentionally looking for the person.

Hmmm but it does seem like things didnt end so well between the both of you which is perhaps why it’s making you anxious :pensive: It’s not easy but i think keeping yourself busy and working on your course may help you move on quicker and reduce the feeling of awkwardness or anxiety if you see him.

Lastly, theres so much to do during uni and if you think about it its likely the last time you can study without many adult commitments haha so try to experience more things and enjoy your time in uni :muscle:

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