How do I better cope with my negative thoughts

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Hi, i would like some advice on this current situation that I am facing.

Recently, I had a fallout with my friend. We had been friends for 3 years and one day, she said that she wanted to drop me as a friend because I had been draining her with my problems, treating her like a therapist, and saying that I was very self-centred because I would turn the conversation and make it about my problems. I was shocked because it was never my intention to make someone to feel that way or to want to make everything about me. She said that she has been enduring it for many years and she could not handle it anymore. I think it really came more as a shock to me because she showed no signs that she was feeling disturbed or tired of our friendship, or maybe I just missed it. I asked my other friends about it and it turns out, I have been doing it to other people as well and they said the same thing.

At that point, I felt so terrible and guilty about my actions that I just feel like a horrible friend. I acknowledge that what I did is wrong and I am trying to change but everytime I think back to this situation, I feel so down. My mind would spiral and I would have negative thoughts of “oh you are a bad friend” “no one wants to talk to you anymore” “you are a monster who only cares about yourself” and it has honestly gotten worse over the past few weeks. It has gone to the point where I feel like distancing myself from my friends so that I won’t make the same mistake. Just the thought of me being in a social setting with my friends makes me feel tired and emotionally numb.

I have tried to figure out why I was treating my friends this way and maybe it is because I finally had a emotional support system from my friends (for context, when I was growing up during my teen years I really did not have a good support system as I was outcasted by my school mates and my parents divorced, so everyone was emotionally unavailable to help one another) but I did not know how to set proper boundaries because I had kept so much of my trauma and feelings from the past to myself that I just had to let it out? Need some insights on this.

More importantly, i just want to know how I can get over these negative thoughts. I would try to tell myself that it is ok to make mistakes and we are human but it just feels like I am victimising myself and that I don’t deserve to forgive myself, especially after I have hurt my friends. I have never experienced such friendship problems before so I feel even more like crap and I do not know how to handle these negative thoughts. I would like some advice on this. Am I really a bad friend and do I deserve to forgive myself for it? How can i better cope with my negative thoughts in my head telling me that I should not burden people with what I have to say and that everyone hates me because I am a bad person? Some help would be great thank you :,)

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Dear @user3856

Thank you for sharing this — it takes real strength to open up so honestly, especially when you’re feeling so vulnerable. I just want to start by saying: you’re not a bad friend. What you’re going through right now shows how much you care, and how deeply you want to do right by the people around you. That’s not selfishness — that’s growth.

It makes complete sense that you’d feel overwhelmed and confused, especially after hearing something so heavy from someone you trusted. When someone drops that kind of truth on us all at once, it’s normal to feel shocked, guilty, and unsure of how to move forward. The fact that you’re reflecting, taking responsibility, and trying to understand why it happened says a lot about your character.

I’m also sorry to hear about what you went through growing up — that’s a lot for anyone to carry alone. If you didn’t have a safe outlet back then, it makes so much sense that, when you finally did find a support system, you might’ve poured out more than you realised. That doesn’t make you a bad person — it makes you human.

It’s okay if you’re still learning how to balance emotional sharing with boundaries. Many people do, especially those who’ve had to navigate pain and loneliness on their own. You’re not beyond repair — in fact, you’re already healing by being aware and wanting to change.

About those thoughts — the ones saying you’re a burden or that people hate you — they’re not the truth, even if they feel loud and convincing right now. They often come from hurt, not reality. You’re allowed to be forgiven. You’re allowed to make mistakes and still be loved.

You don’t need to isolate yourself to keep others safe. It might help to talk to a trusted adult or counsellor — not because something is “wrong” with you, but because you deserve to be supported as you work through these feelings.

And just for the record: the world doesn’t need perfect friends. It needs real ones — friends who care enough to grow, to listen, and to make things better when they can. That’s exactly what you’re doing now. You’re not alone in this, and keep reaching out whenever you need to. :yellow_heart:

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Ive lost a fren like that b4. We all dont know how to communicate as we grow up e.g. she didnt communicate earlier that she doesn’t want ur trauma dumping. I think sharing problems once in a long while is fine, not all the time. Theres a reason therapists are paid. U can try using different AIs as therapists first. Grok has a ‘therapist’ mode. U reach out to ur school counselor or a therapist. Im open to be frens n chat

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Yeah I have been trying to use AI as a therapist because I currently do not have the finances to get therapy, but I would love to do so in the future when I am a working adult. So it is a bit tough haha

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School counsellors r free

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Five years ago, my friend and I reconnected, but we only ever texted - we never met in person. Recently, she decided to end the friendship because, she said, I crossed a line with her back then. I feel very sad, but I have to accept that the friendship is over.

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Heyyyyy just wanna say I don’t think you’re a bad friend, not at all!! I think maybe amidst all the challenges you’re experiencing, we may sometimes forget to be there for others or that we have no capacity to. And that is of no fault of yours!! So you’re not a bad friend :heart_hands:t3:
Ofc if you care for your friends genuinely, and you hope to be there for them too in the future, small actions can help!! Just a simple “how are you too?” or a small drink treat or candy treat to your friend when you guys meet can also be gentle reminders to show your friend you care and that you appreciate them!!
Nonetheless, there are ppl in our lives who are only here for a season :heart: and it’s a happy thing that paths crossed before and may cross again in the future again. All we can do is be present for others, and allow others to be present for us too - and treat each moment together with kindness!! Hope you got some comfort from us here :heart_hands:t3:

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Aww man I am so sorry to hear that! It really does feel horrible when a friendship ends, especially when it is someone you are close to. But it is true that sometimes, we just have to let go and move forward. Wishing you the best for your friendships, new, current, and old! :flexed_biceps:t3:

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Hiii thanks for the kind words, it really means a lot :sob::heart_hands: so i really appreciate it!! I am checking up on my friends as well and practicing better validation skills so that they can also feel seen. But what you said is right, some friends come and go, so this is something I have to keep in mind. Once again thanks for taking the time to reply truly :heart:

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Negative thinking patterns and social phobia create significant tension in me during social interactions. As a result, I find it challenging to form friendships, leading to a small circle of friends.