I have a friend that is basically a doppelganger of me, share similar interests and backgrounds etc. However i just feel like he’s better than me in every way. Better at studies, better at connecting with people, better in fitness. Every time i try to compare myself with him i feel so inferior .Even just sharing something that he has that i dont makes feel bad for myself. I am trying my best here but it doesnt seem to be enough. i just want to feel like im as good as him in any aspect, even one is enough. Its really hard for me to look at a positive side atp, any advice?
Dear @user_1
Thank you for writing in to share what you are experiencing that is currently confusing and hurting you. I’m glad you sought help; it signals you want to address these areas.
I believe what you shared about comparing yourself to your friend is common, very relatable and resonates with many of us. The downside of the comparing is that you may downplay your own uniqueness and achievements, dear.
Do consider these insights which I believe may help:
-Each one of us is running our own unique race to be the best version of ourselves. Each one of us have been dealt a unique set of cards, so I encourage you to make the optimal use of these to achieve the best you. Aim to achieve your own unique success story aligned to your values. Use comparing to clarify what matters to you and work towards achieving these aspirations. No two paths or life journeys are the same, so is there another avenue available to achieve what matters to you?
-See beneath the exterior.
Even if he seems better in every way, he may also have his own private struggles and self-doubts which he does not show to others. Get to know him at a deeper level to gain insights on what makes him tick, how he overcomes challenges. You can adapt what you observe to suit your own circumstances where it’s relevant. I believe everyone has some hang-ups, but they persevere despite them.
-Adopt a growth mindset. Treat him as a source of inspiration and ideas, as this will shift your approach to one of progress and positive growth, without the hurtful self-judgment and feeling of being inadequate.
-Anchor yourself in one thing that’s uniquely yours. Reflect on your own strengths and how you are unique. It’s possible you downplay your own worth because it is not related to grades or fitness. What do people say about you, such as your creativity, sense of humour, or helpfulness. That’s your quiet strength, even if it’s not as openly lauded.
-Practice self-compassion, not just self-improvement
It’s easy to fall into the trap of “I’ll only feel good once I catch up”. But you deserve kindness now. Notice when you’re harsh on yourself and ask: “Would I say this to a younger sibling or a close friend?” If not, choose not to say it to yourself.
You don’t need to be “as good as him” in his ways, focus on being a better version of you and start noticing the ways you’re already good as yourself. 
Hey @user_1. It sound so tough to constantly feel like you’re in someone else’s shadow. I can hear how hard you’re trying and how discouraging it feels when the effort doesn’t seem “enough”. From what you shared, it seems like your friend reflects back qualities you also want for yourself. That can make the comparisons feel sharper, but it can also be a clue to the values that matter most to you. Maybe the question isn’t “How do I become as good as him?” but “How can I grow into the version of my that I’m proud of?”
You might also find the insights shared by @CaringBee really helpful, offering practical ways to shift your perspective and honour your own unique strengths.
Feeling this way is something a lot of people go through. Comparing ourselves to those we relate to most closely is a normal, if sometimes frustrating, part of being human.
Even though it may not feel that way now, the fact that you’re trying your best shows resilience. Sometimes we forget that effort itself is a quiet form of strength.
What stands out to me is that you’re noticing these feelings instead of ignoring them. That self-awareness is a strength in itself. Sometimes the fact that you care so deeply about doing well shows just how much you value growth and connection.
I wonder, if you were to set aside the comparisons for a moment, what are 1–2 things you genuinely like or respect about yourself, no matter how small? It could be something others don’t see as clearly, but you know it’s yours.
It’s okay to feel challenged by comparisons because you’re still growing and learning. You’re on your own path, and every small step counts. May you continue to notice your strengths, celebrate your own progress, and give yourself the kindness you deserve 
Hi @user_1, I came across your post and just wanted to say I hear you. It really sucks to fall into that cycle of comparing ourselves to others, and it can feel so draining and discouraging. Sometimes it feels like no matter what we do, we are just never enough. But one thing I’ve learned is that we are our own biggest supporters. If we don’t show up for ourselves and practice a little self-compassion, it really becomes so much harder.
I can see that part of you that really wanted to appreciate yourself more, and that’s such an important and brave step. It’s like your inner self is calling out for a little more care and validation, and that’s something worth listening to :')
Maybe you could try (no pressure of course!) starting with something small, like writing a list of things you feel good about yourself, whether it’s big or small, even qualities like being a good listener or trying your best, count. You could also note times when you overcame something hard or showed kindness to someone.
Sometimes seeing it on paper helps remind us of the parts we don’t usually notice (Speaking from personal experience haha)
Another thing that might help is setting little goals just for yourself, not to compete with anyone, but to celebrate your own progress. Even something like “I’ll spend 10 minutes reading today” or “I’ll go for a short walk” can make a difference in how you see yourself.
Also, you are good enough!! I hope you remember that you deserve to feel proud of who you are, not because you’re like someone else, but because you are you :)) and that’s wayyyy more than enough.
Hello @user_1 thank you so much for sharing something so personal. I can tell this has been weighing on you, and I want to start by saying your feelings are completely valid. It’s human to compare, especially with someone who mirrors so much of who you are, but that doesn’t make the pain of feeling “less than” any easier to carry.
The fact that you’re reflecting on this already shows a lot of emotional strength. You’re not in denial, you’re facing something many people struggle with, but few openly admit. That takes courage.
It’s important to remember: just because someone shines in certain areas doesn’t mean your light is any dimmer. When we’re close to someone who excels in ways we admire, it can blur our ability to see our own value. We end up looking at ourselves through a filter of lack, instead of reality.
Try this: instead of asking, “Why am I not like him?”, ask, “What do I uniquely bring to the table?” Even if it doesn’t feel like much at first, give yourself the grace to explore it. Maybe even write down not just your achievements, but the small things too. The way you support others, your sense of humor, how you show up even when it’s hard. These are quiet strengths that are easy to overlook, but they matter.
Lastly, remember that self-worth isn’t a competition, and it’s not something you earn by matching someone else. You are already enough as you are, even in the moments you feel behind. Keep being kind to yourself through this process. You’re doing better than you think.