I can't stop comparing myself

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I can’t stop comparing myself to others. That sinking feeling when I see someone my age buying their second property while I’m still splitting rent? It’s eating me alive.

I know some people really are living objectively better lives than me. Better jobs, more money, cooler experiences. Living in Singapore makes it worse because my worth gets reduced to my job title, salary, and which area I live in.

I’m stuck between two losing choices: exhaust myself trying to catch up, or fall further behind while everyone tells me to “just ignore it.” The people saying comparison is toxic are usually the ones winning at the comparison game anyway.

Even when I know it’s unhealthy, I can’t just stop. My brain automatically calculates where I stand every time I open social media or overhear colleagues talking about their bonuses.

The more I try not to compare, the more I notice I’m behind. The more behind I feel, the more paralyzed I become. I’m stuck in this cycle and it never stops.

I’m exhausted from being constantly reminded that my best efforts might never be enough to close certain gaps.

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Dear @user4310

Thank you for taking this first step of writing in and openly sharing what has been on your mind. You aim to figure out how to navigate your current dissatisfaction and pain.

You have described the dissatisfaction and pain you are in as a sinking, heavy feeling of being left “behind” when it looks like everyone else is moving faster, earning more, achieving bigger. It is fully understandable that it’s gnawing at you, as success is commonly measured by career progression and material possessions. Constant reminders on social media and environment unfortunately reinforce comparisons.

I believe this tendency to automatically compare is a very common human instinct. However instead of being a helpful instinct, it traps us in a perpetual cycle of feeling inadequate and thus we always chase to catch up.

We thus can’t enjoy the overcoming of obstacles in our own path as we tend to use another’s path as the success yardstick. Doing this repeatedly implies it will be harder to achieve satisfaction.

I fully acknowledge that knowing the above is unhealthy doesn’t turn it off, and I encourage you to be gentle with yourself about that.

May I offer the following insights which you can consider:

-Comparison may clarify area in your life which matter to you. No two paths or life journey are the same, so is there another avenue available to achieve what matters to you?

-Although there is a gap, as long as you are making effort towards achieving your own modified version of it, it may already be a big achievement. Each one of us have been dealt a unique set of cards, so I encourage you to make the optimal use of these. Aim to achieve your own unique success story aligned to your values.

-You can explore to change the environment you expose yourself to. I believe media and constant money-talk environments are comparison machines. Even small breaks, or screening what you see, can reduce the constant triggering of those automatic calculations.

-Celebrate small wins to reclaim a sense of progress and achievements.
You don’t need to “catch up” to prove yourself. You only need to keep building steadily on your own terms.

I can see you’ve been pushing yourself hard just to survive in this cycle, and that exhaustion is a signal you deserve more compassion from yourself.

You don’t have to figure out how to cease comparison instantly. Even learning to notice it without judgment (“I notice my brain is comparing again”) is a gentle first step toward loosening its grip. Speaking to a professional counsellor may help you to break free from unhealthy thoughts.

I believe that as long as you put in effort in your own race to be the best version of you, over time there will be progress and recognition. :yellow_heart:

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Hey @user4310

Thanks for being so vulnerable and open to sharing :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:. Really appreciate you for even being so self-aware about how you feel about comparison, that is the first step to improving yourself and dealing with it :people_hugging:.

However, I want to reassure you that you are RIGHT where you are meant to be. Everyone is so different, someone may have favour with your boss to get that promotion, however, maybe you have favour with your colleagues and they see you as someone who they trust and can count on :blush:. You being so self-aware is already considered a strength! Everyone has their own hidden insecurities that they are not willing to open up about, or seek help, but for you to even take that step of courage is something so amazing about you :growing_heart:. Comparison is really such a killer, we see others and think “we are not good enough” “others are better than me” “why cant i have a good life” but I want to reassure YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. For anything. For whatever you want to be.

Proud of u for taking this first step to reach out to let’s talk :growing_heart:. Come back anytime if you need advise/support!

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Hello @user4310 , thank you so much for sharing this so honestly.

What you’re feeling is incredibly real and valid, especially in a place like Singapore, where it can sometimes feel like your worth is measured by your job title, salary, or where you live. You’re not alone in this. Many of us struggle with that same sinking feeling when we see others seemingly racing ahead while we’re just trying to stay afloat.

You mentioned that some people are living objectively better lives, and I hear how heavy that feels. It’s okay to acknowledge that reality. Pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t help. What matters is also remembering that those external markers don’t tell the full story of your life, your value, or your growth.

That feeling of being stuck between pushing yourself to keep up or falling behind while being told to “just ignore it” is exhausting. And you’re right. It’s easy to say “comparison is toxic” when you’re ahead. It’s much harder to sit with the feeling of always being behind despite trying your best. You’re not weak for feeling this way. You’re human.

Maybe, instead of choosing between those two painful options, there’s space for a third path. One where you gently shift your focus toward what you genuinely need and want, not just what the world says you should be chasing. It doesn’t mean giving up, and it doesn’t mean pretending you don’t care. It means learning, little by little, to build a life that’s shaped by your values, not just by what others have.

You might try, when you have the capacity, writing down a few things or people you’re grateful for. Not because it fixes everything, but because it can reconnect you to what’s real in your own life, beyond the highlight reels of others. And on the days you feel stuck in that cycle of comparison, maybe the goal isn’t to break free completely, but just to be kind to yourself for noticing it, and keep showing up anyway.

You’re doing better than you think, even if the numbers don’t say so. And you deserve to feel proud of the life you’re building, even if it looks different from the lives around you.