I genuinely don’t know why, but I keep falling in love with people who have avoidant attachment styles. I’m extremely anxious In a relationship. I don’t know what to do anymore. They suddenly fall out of love and I genuinely collapse. Not in the pick me way, but if the my parents didn’t fulfill my emotional needs as a kid way, my life genuinely revolves around whichever situationship/relationship I’m in. Like I’ll give everything into that, travel to them, endorse in their hobby, text them 24/7. I can’t be left alone, I need constant care and attention, and the moment their attitude or behavior shifts by abit, I can tell and I become extremely anxious and scared of abandonment. There was this new guy I was talking to, it was great at the start, perfect guy, I thought he liked me and everything. But suddenly, things changed, conversations got dry and he didn’t want to do anything together anymore. That sends me into extreme panic, and I try everything to salvage it. And the moment he removes something or stop doing something he used to do, I genuinely crash out. Because of my tendency to do everything and anything for that person to keep them in my life, I felt like as a teenager I probably got used for my body, and I genuinely think a majority of my relationships and situationships were built from that. I genuinely can’t do this anymore. Some people would say that i should stop trying to be in relationships or just be alone, improve myself, but that’s just something I genuinely can’t do, I always crave attention and emotional validation. I can’t be left alone. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m genuinely so tired of it
Dear @Engine
Thank you for sharing what you are going through. I can sense that it has been exhausting and painful to feel like you depend on someone’s attention for validation. Hence when they shift or withdraw their attention, you notice that it immediately affects you. I think anyone in that situation where the other party suddenly changes towards them would feel anxious and scared. I believe that the panic you feel when someone pulls away, the fear of abandonment, your tendency of giving everything to keep someone in your life, is very common with anxious attachment, especially when emotional needs weren’t fully met growing up.
None of this makes you “too much.”
It also makes sense that you keep ending up with people who feel avoidant. Anxious and avoidant styles often get pulled toward each other, and when they start to withdraw it can trigger that intense fear of losing them. I sense you always put in a lot of effort try to keep them, even to the extent of changing yourself and compromising your own needs, and this shows me how deeply you want to be loved and valued.
Wanting attention, care, and emotional closeness is only you being human. You don’t have to go through this alone any longer. Talking to a counsellor can help with these attachment patterns and the fear of abandonment. With the right support, people do learn how to build relationships that feel safer and more stable, instead of this constant panic.
Do know that the fact that you are aware of the pattern and expressing how tired you are shows a lot of honesty and self-awareness. You deserve relationships where you feel secure, wanted, and cared for, not like you’re constantly fighting to be kept.
Hi @Engine,
It sounds like you’re going through a tough time right now, and I want to acknowledge just how challenging and overwhelming that can be. The emotions you’re experiencing are completely valid, whether it’s sadness, confusion, stress, or uncertainty about what’s ahead. It’s not easy to carry these feelings, and it’s important to give yourself credit for recognising them and reaching out. Expressing your emotions, even when it feels vulnerable, is a courageous and meaningful step toward understanding and healing.
Please know that you don’t have to navigate this alone. Professional support is available to you through mindline.sg and community mental health organisations. On this platform, you can find a wide range of mental health information, self-help tools, and ways to connect with trained professionals who understand what you’re going through. Taking the initiative to seek help is a sign of strength, and there are people and services ready to listen, support, and walk alongside you as you work through these challenging times.
For more information on where to find well-being support, visit mindline.sg | First Stop for Mental Health Support in Singapore