Need advice on my Avoidant attachment style

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I have a very strong avoidant attachment style which I feel is really bad. I used to get super attached from people which is why now that I ever feel like my friends or anyone is gonna replace me with someone else, I will distant from them instantly to avoid ACTUALLY feel hurt. Whenever my friends open up their group circle, I tend to be afraid that I will be replaced BUT I don’t actually control them because I myself have a big friend group.

I like to do things on my own because no matter how I look at it I just can’t seem to trust anyone. Even my friends of 10 years, I barely put any trust in them. Reason for this is because of how back then I trusted people too much till I get hurt.

I know I have a lot of friends/family members that are willing to help, but I just can’t seem to trust anyone. I do open up to people but I limit the things I open up because I hate to constantly “rant” and ruin someone’s mood. Which I ended up feeling like no one understands me and bottle up. Those who understand me, leaves me eventually so…I don’t know what kind of mindset I should adapt…

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Hey @user1394,

Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. It sounds like you’re navigating some really complex emotions, and I want to acknowledge how difficult it must be to feel like you’re constantly protecting yourself from being hurt. I hear that you’re struggling with feeling isolated despite having people around you, and I can imagine that it must be exhausting to manage all of these fears on your own.

It sounds like you’re very aware of the tendency to distance yourself when you fear being replaced, but also that you’re in a place of wanting more connection, even if it feels really hard to trust people. The way you’ve described the balance between wanting connection and protecting yourself from being hurt shows that you care deeply about your relationships, but you also feel a lot of fear around them.

I want to point out that you’re doing your best to navigate these feelings, and the fact that you’re aware of your behaviour is an important step. You mentioned feeling like you’re a burden or like your emotions will be too much for others, but that’s not the truth. Your feelings matter, and it’s okay to want to share them with others, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

You’ve shown a lot of insight into your attachment style and the difficulty you face with trusting others. Trusting people, especially when you’ve been hurt before, takes time and vulnerability, and it’s okay to take small steps towards that. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and there are ways to gradually open up and feel safe while doing so.

Would you be open to exploring how you might begin to build trust with your friends or family in small ways? Maybe it could start with a simple, non-threatening conversation where you share a small vulnerability and see how that feels. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to take things at your own pace and that you’re not doing this for anyone but yourself.

I encourage you to practice self-compassion as you work through these feelings. You deserve to feel understood, and it’s okay to ask for support when you need it.

Take small steps, and don’t rush yourself. You’re progressing well, and it’s acceptable to approach things one day at a time. You’ve got this.

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Hi @user1394,

It’s completely understandable that past experiences of trust and hurt can make it difficult to open up and trust again. It must be incredibly challenging to balance your desire for close connections with the fear of being replaced or hurt. Just know that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to take the time you need to navigate this.

It sounds like you’re aware of the patterns in your relationships, which is a significant first step towards addressing them. It’s essential to recognize that it’s okay to have boundaries and to protect yourself, but it’s also important to allow yourself the opportunity to experience trust and connection again. Maybe taking small steps towards opening up more and gradually trusting others could help you rebuild that sense of trust. It doesn’t have to happen overnight, and it’s okay to take it slow.

Remember that you deserve to have meaningful and trusting relationships. It’s okay to seek help from a therapist or counselor who can guide you through these feelings and help you develop strategies to manage your avoidant attachment style. You’re not alone in this, and there are people who care about you and want to support you. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the space to grow and heal. :purple_heart:

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Hello! Tbh I can relate with you by a lot. I experience many emotionally mess up stuff while growing up that I rationalise was normal. I used to be really naive and I got taken advantage, so I have attachment issues too and it was bad a few years ago. I went through therapy to get help and it’s better now, but I realise I was also isolating myself so I started hanging out with people idk and acquaintances. Now I’m trying to take a bigger step in my journey, I hope you have the courage too.

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