I feel like I cannot do this anymore. Im currently a year 2 in a local university but i really cannot bring myself to go find an internship. I feel like i wont survive working because the last time i worked fnb i ■■■■■■ up so much and my supervisor kept scolding me for every little thing i did and it made me feel like dying inside. I recently also took a leave of absence because I had no friends in school and the curriculum was intensely difficult and I had no one to turn to. My mom berated and asked me to go and work and I am actually doing side gigs to earn some money. But she just made me so overwhelmed and honestly right now im on the verge of cutting myself again because I feel so anxious and panickiy and I feel like im gonna lose my mind already. I cant survive adult life if it means I have to work. I simply dont think im cut out for modern society. I feel like killing myself once i reach a point where work threatens to destroy me internally. I cannot live in a modern society. I fail miserably.
hey… i can really feel how heavy everything is for you right now.
you’re not just tired — you’re overwhelmed from trying so hard in a world that hasn’t made it safe for you to just be. that fnb job, the school stress, the loneliness… it’s like every place you turned to asked for more than you had to give, and nobody noticed you were already running on empty.
it makes sense that your body and mind are panicking. it’s not that you’re not cut out for this world — it’s that you’ve been put in spaces that didn’t support you, only expected from you. no one deserves to feel like they’re “failing at life” just because they’re trying to survive pain alone.
if the thoughts about cutting or dying come back strong — please, pause. tell someone you trust. it doesn’t have to be family. a counselor, a helpline, even a friend who’ll just listen. you’re not broken. you’re in pain. and pain needs care, not fixing.
you don’t have to plan your life right now. just take it moment by moment. your worth isn’t in internships, school results or whether you fit into what others expect. you matter because you feel. and that’s enough for today.
stay close. you’re not alone, okay?
Degree job environments are more civil n better than fnb jobs. Fnb jobs are high turnover rate and dont require any education for a reason. You will be fine unless the workplace u end up in is bad. This fear is just something we all have to go thru. I can be frens w u if u r open to it
Hey @user0420. I am so sorry that everywhere you’ve turned to: work, school, and even home, has left you feeling like you’re the problem.
You’re not.
So much of what you said reminded me of how I felt too… when I was trying to “become an adult” in a system that only seemed to care about results. When I struggled at a job or couldn’t keep up with school, it felt like proof that I was not good enough. Like something was broken in me. But it wasn’t that I was weak. Truth is, I was exhausted, unsupported and burnt out.
I suppose that’s the same for you too. You’re not failing at adult life. You’re reacting in a very human way to a world that often forgets we’re not machines.
That urge to cut is not about wanting to hurt yourself. It’s about wanting the pain to go somewhere, anywhere.
But please know this: you don’t deserve more pain. You deserve care. Even if it’s messy. Even if you feel like you’re failing, you’re not. You’re just overwhelmed.
If the urge gets strong, please don’t sit with it alone. Reach out. Text or call a helpline. Even just hold ice or scribble on a paper to ride the wave.
You’ve made it this far. That means something. You matter, okay? 