hi so I’m a teen and some for some context, I have quite a lot of siblings and I am the oldest out of all of them. I just want to know if I might be in the wrong here. So, even though I have so many siblings, I vividly remember how I felt when my mother told me she was pregnant with my younger brother (I already had 2 younger brothers atp). I felt angry and frustrated. Idk why or how, I just did. To my parents and basically everyone, being pregnant and having kids is a good thing, it’s celebrated and everyone is supposed to be happy, but I somehow didn’t feel that way. Time skip to when my mother said I was going to have a younger sister a few years later. I felt sort of betrayed and this time I think I kinda knew why. I had been the only girl in my family and extended paternal family for all my life, right until my mom told me this, maybe I was jealous? Idk anyway, that’s just in my family. The weird part is just today, my mother told me her friend was pregnant and was very happy, my siblings were also happy. As for me, I just felt angry again and I’m not even part of their family?? Like what? Why am I angry? Honestly this has happened before when my moms other friend announced she was pregnant. I just don’t understand why I feel this way and why I can’t be happy like everyone else and it makes me feel like a bad person for not like sharing the joy.
Hey @user1427,
Thanks for sharing vulnerably about how everyone else lights up when they hear “pregnant”… and you keep ending up with anger instead. That mismatch can feel confusing, even shameful, like you’re “the bad one” for not sharing the joy.
You mentioned remembering being told about your younger brother, maybe the exact scene is fuzzy, but the feelings stayed for sure. That’s actually common. when we’re younger, we don’t always hold on to details, but the meaning we made at the time sticks. For you, that meaning was heavy enough to come out as anger and frustration.
Later, when your mom said you’d have a sister, you called it betrayal. That word shows how deep it cut, losing the “only girl” place you had always known. Even if the memory isn’t clear, the emotional trigger was.
So when even your mom’s friends announce pregnancies and you feel anger rise, it doesn’t mean you’re cruel. It’s more like your body is sounding an old alarm: my presence, my place, might be compromised again. Our brains store those early hurts as danger signals, and they can get re-activated even when the situation isn’t directly about us. So, do hold back any judgement you made about yourself.
Feeling that doesn’t define you. It just shows that some of those old hurts never had the space to be processed. Instead, they got put away, and now they show up as sharp emotions in moments where everyone else is smiling.
Maybe the real step here isn’t “how do I be happy like everyone else,” but “can I give myself permission to notice the anger without blaming myself for it?”
Hi @user1427 Thank you for sharing how you’ve been feeling. It doesn’t sound easy to experience the anger that comes up — when it’s so different from what you feel like is expected and how people around you are feeling as well
I can’t say if a reaction is right or wrong — but I can say it isn’t tour fault. Sometimes big feelings in the present come from reactions in the past. Just like how you identified an early childhood experience of anger, it may have carried and held weight with you till the present. You’re not a bad person, just that there has been some maybe unresolved memories, experiences, or feelings that need to be addressed.
what are some thoughts that come up together with the feelings?
hi @user1427 ,
Sometimes we do not know why we have certain emotions/feelings, and that is completely alright. One thing I noticed from peers with multiple siblings is that the eldest one is often the one that receives the least amount of attention, and thus he/she may feel the most neglected.
If you feel that you are not receiving the amount of attention you desire from your parents, i encourage to speak to your parents about it. I am sure your parents love you and have no intention of neglecting you. 
Hi @user1427,
It’s deeply courageous to name the disconnect between how others react to pregnancy news (with joy and excitement) and how you often feel instead: anger, confusion, even shame. That mismatch can make you feel like you’re somehow wrong for not sharing the celebration, as if your emotional response makes you “the bad one.” But those feelings didn’t come out of nowhere. They’re rooted in something much older and more tender.
You’ve carried the emotional imprint of early experiences, even if the memories themselves are blurry. When you were told about your younger brother, the details may have faded, but the meaning you made at the time had stuck. And when your mom later announced a sister, the word “betrayal” surfaced, revealing how deeply that shift affected your sense of identity and belonging. These moments weren’t just about new siblings. They were about losing a place you thought was yours.
So when pregnancy news triggers anger now, it’s not cruelty. It’s your body remembering an old alarm: “Will I be pushed aside again?” These reactions reflect wounds that never had space to heal.
Instead of asking yourself how to feel happy like everyone else, perhaps the more compassionate question is: “Can I allow myself to feel this anger without turning it into self-blame?”
That’s where your healing may begin. I hope this helped! 
Hi @user1427,
Thanks for sharing this.
What you have experienced is quite common and doesn’t mean that you have done something wrong, that you’re “bad” for not feeling the same as others, or that something is wrong with how you felt. So, please be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to have these feelings, as suppressing them or being upset with yourself for having them can be painful and prolong the negative experiences you have.
As others have suggested, these feelings may have begun as a child from a fear of needing to share your carer with someone else (your sibling) and that potentially taking love, time, attention, or something else you needed, away from you. These ‘negative’ responses or feelings are completely normal and can be hard to understand, both as a child and later as you grow into a teenager or an adult.
Perhaps these feelings are resurfacing because a need, such as love, attention, or comfort, remains unmet. Or, maybe there is a negative association with pregnancies, such as fear of not having needs met or fear of competition, that might require some attention and working through–whether that be talking to your parents, or another adult that you trust.
Everyone wants to feel special and loved. You are, whether you have siblings or are not the only girl in your family.
Are there certain thoughts, physical feelings, or images that came to you in your recent experience with your mum’s friend?
Please feel free to share more if you would like to. Take care