what if i really don’t belong anywhere?
Hi @peppermintt,
Are you ok to share more?
It’s such an important thought, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be to feel like you don’t belong anywhere. That sense of not fitting in can feel really heavy and isolating, and I want to acknowledge these feelings are real and valid, even if they feel overwhelming at times.
I wonder, though—when you think about this idea of belonging, what comes up for you? Is it the people around you, the environments you’re in, or maybe something else?
But here’s something that might be helpful to consider: Belonging doesn’t have to come from fitting into a specific group or environment. It can also come from within—learning to accept and understand yourself, your thoughts, and your emotions. That sense of belonging to yourself can be really powerful because it allows you to feel secure, even when the world around you doesn’t always feel like the right fit.
If you’re comfortable, would you like to explore some ways to find that sense of connection, even if it starts small? It could be reaching out to one person you feel comfortable with, or maybe it’s about finding spaces where your interests align with others. Belonging is something we build over time—it’s not about having a perfect place right away, but rather about creating moments where you feel seen and heard.
Take your time with this process, and please know that you deserve to feel connected and valued, both by others and by yourself. If you’d like, we can keep exploring these ideas together.
What do u like to do? Start off w the online communities that consist of ur likes n then chat w local ones then hang out irl?
Hi @pepperminttt , can I offer you an alternate perspective? Belonging is overrated. There are billions of people in this world and only finite things that you can be and do. If anything, I think it’s harder to stand out than fit in.
Especially with social media nowadays, hashtags with hobbies or interests can help connect with like-minded people. You can access the world, every single interest, w your fingertips. I think even being on this platform and sharing your worries is a step in creating a community that can relate to you. My advice would be to think of your own hobbies, interests, experiences, personality and own them. It’s not about how similar you are to others, it’s about how confident you are in your sense of identity and sharing about who you are.
Hello @FuYuan_Affections ,
So I’ll start by telling you a brief story about myself. I came here from another country, and I’ve been staying with my family since July 2022.
I must tell you that I’ve been through some rough times since I went here in Singapore. From grieving twice to the loss of my stepfather after a month of moving here (in August 2022), and my grandfather who took care of me, back in my home country since I was 1-month-old, also passed away in October 2022. I was left shattered, tried to blame myself for every bad thing that happened to me. I thought I don’t deserve a father figure because my real father also left me, and that I was bringing bad luck to my family.
I became depressed, ate less, locked myself up in my room and only go out whenever I need to refill my flask or go to the toilet. I also had in a fight with my mom back then, which sometimes would end up not speaking to each other for a few days (but our relationship became much better now and formed stronger bonds). I would stay in my room the whole day until she went to work at 4PM, I watch TV, cook for my brother and clean up after, then go back in my room before she even gets home. That became a routine when we’re not in good terms. I was also afraid of socialising with people before, but I tried to work on it and gladly made two friends here in Singapore.
Anyway, back to the present, the adoption order has been approved, however, the outcome of my LTVP application was unsuccessful. My short term pass will be expiring next month, and I’m so afraid that I might have to go back to my home country. I don’t have anything left back there. I started a new life when I came here. I’d also want to prioritise working and saving up for my school first before I get to attend one. I want to gain experience; learn more on how to communicate with people because I am still not confident enough with my ability to speak in English.
I get anxious these days because of my rejected application. I don’t know what else to do. I just cry myself to sleep and hope a miracle comes through. I don’t want to lose everything I have right now. It feels like a dead end to me.
I hope someone could help me out with this.
Hi @user1138 !
I find most people in my age group quite intimidating . And I also suck at socialising so I find it difficult to make new friends/connections.
I would love to know if you have any tips or advice to share! <3
Some of us are just never meant to belong anywhere.
Hi @Peppermintt,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders since coming to Singapore—losing both your stepfather and grandfather in such a short span of time must have been incredibly painful, and that’s left you feeling lost and uncertain. It’s completely understandable to have felt isolated and anxious during this time.
It also seems like you’ve been feeling a lot of pressure with the rejection of your LTVP application, and I can imagine how scary that must be when you’ve worked so hard to build a new life here. I want to acknowledge your fears, and while I may not have all the answers, I do know that it’s important not to lose hope just yet. It might be helpful to talk to someone who can offer you guidance on your application, or to explore if there are any alternative options available. You deserve to have a chance to keep building your future here.
You mentioned that you’ve been feeling insecure about your ability to communicate and make connections here in Singapore, but the fact that you’ve already made two friends shows that you’re more capable than you give yourself credit for. Building relationships can take time, and it’s okay to feel unsure sometimes. Just know that it’s part of the process, and you are making progress—even if it feels slow.
It’s also really important to give yourself permission to grieve the losses you’ve been through. It’s not something you need to carry alone, and I encourage you to reach out for help when you need it. Grief can feel like a heavy burden, but sharing it with others can lighten the load, even if just a little.
You’ve already shown so much strength by sharing your story and seeking advice. I’m here to listen and support you as you continue navigating this journey. You’re not alone in this, and we’ll keep exploring what might help you feel more secure and confident as you move forward.
Take care of yourself, and I look forward to hearing how things go from here.
Intimidating like how? Learning how to socialise takes reading up about it, practice, trial n error n figure things out. It will take a long time. Im open to be frens tho
By a long time, do you mean a lifetime of increasing disillusionment and the dawning realisation that perhaps we’re just meant to be lonely?
Hello @pepperminttt ! Thank you for taking the courage to share about how you are feeling. It seems like you’re going through a lot in a short period.
It seems like the past few years you’ve been struggling or dealing with sorrow, loss, and currently, you’re uncertain about the future despite trying so hard to build a new life in a new country.
I can hear how afraid and nervous you are, and it hurts to feel like you don’t fit anywhere in the center of all of this. However, I would like to let you know that none of the things you’re going through are your fault. Losing your stepfather and grandfather, as well as the difficulties you’ve had with your family and living environment, were not your fault or the result of anything you did. You are neither terrible luck nor a burden to anybody. You’ve shown incredible strength in overcoming these losses and going on .
It’s also incredible that, despite everything, you’ve focused on developing connections, creating friends, and attempting to better your circumstances. It demonstrates persistence and strength, even if it may not always seem like way. You’ve begun to construct a new life for yourself, and the prospect of losing everything must be terrible. But the fact that you’ve gotten this far shows that you can rebuild again, regardless of what happens next. I understand it can be difficult to make friends (if you’re an introvert + a foreigner) but just to assure you that a small step is better than no step .
About your job and residency, perhaps you could try sending out more applications. I’m not sure whether you’ve previously looked into it, but contacting out to immigration services, legal aid, or community organisations that assist with visa or residence concerns may provide some fresh choices. Talking to someone who specialises in these areas may sometimes help you see a clearer way ahead or suggest alternatives you hadn’t considered.
For the time being, take each day as it comes. Focus on what you can manage, whether it’s getting legal guidance, improving your English abilities, or just looking after your emotional health. You’ve already shown your strength by overcoming all of life’s challenges. Although it seems like a dead end right now, you have the fortitude to get through whatever comes next.
Also, if you need someone to talk to but have no one, you can write them here (if you’re comfortable)