It’s hard for me to reach out because no one takes it seriously. No one asks me how it is because when I tell them I daydream excessively (even to me), it seems like a small thing.
Long post ahead but I’ve broken it down into paragraphs with different topics.
I have it since I was 14-ish. I don’t feel real especially when I daydream intensely, triggered by music or certain media. I can mostly tell it’s not real, I just need to remind myself that & repeat facts:
I’m in my room.
JWhat day is it today.
The things I have to do.
Those things did not happened.
It makes my emotions intense, and sometimes it seeps through reality.
When it happens, it’s like a movie screen where in my vision, I’m actually seeing another world and sometimes I catch a glimpse of reality before going back to dreamworld again. I would pace around or I’d lie completely still. I have this self-aware voice that’s mocking me for staying even thought it’s not real. I can’t move. There’s another voice that’s screaming for me to get out of there and snap out of it.
My senses is dulled, when I pull out of it, the grey, muted world starts to get brighter. Literally. I start hearing background sounds again. I start feeling my body again & my normal thoughts are back.
For years I tried different methods to pull me out of it: drugs (the ones that keep me alert), self harm, sleeping pills (to slow my brain down so I can sleep).
I prioritise daydreaming more than sleep, my boyfriend, school, and more. When I have that urge/in that state - nothing matters more.
Dear user7800,
I hear you. And thank you for having the courage to reach out despite not having people taken you seriously in the past. And it sounded like life has been a mix of many things for you, this tug of war between staying in the alternate dreamworld and the physical world.
It also sounded like the past years have been tough for you, and if you will receive me, please stop hurting yourself and self-medicating to stay in reality. When life gets tough, and it often is, it’s sometimes easier to stay in an alternate world. And if you ever had thoughts of ending your life, please do reach out for help. Here are some resources you can tap into:
CHAT
The Community Health Assessment Team (CHAT) provides confidential mental health checks for young persons between 16 and 30 years old, who are currently living in Singapore. They operate CHAT hub, a mental health centre located at *SCAPE and maintains an online presence through their website and webchat.
6493 6500
6493 6501
TOUCH Community Services – TOUCHline
Emotional support and practical advice are rendered through this youth helpline
1800 377 2252
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And I can also imagine that if people have not experienced what you have experienced, it is hard to understand or even believe what you are saying. I may not be the right person to give you the answers that you are seeking, but perhaps I can help point you the way where you may find what you seek. I ask that you be open and feel into what I share here. There isn’t a right or wrong answer, only what needs to be spoken and what needs to be received:
- What is your purpose of being here? Every soul born seeks something, and each of us has something that only we can do. What is your purpose for being here?
- I often say, no matter how tough life gets. If I’m still here, it must mean there is something that I still need to do. What is that for you?
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I believe every individual has a gift. What is the gift that you are articulating? Do you know how to use your gift well? If not - set an intention and ask that the right person comes to you and guide you.
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There’s a reason why we are born in a physical body. And there are only things that we can do while in a physical body. If you like I’d like to invite you to go on a 1-month journey. Know yourself, know your body. Connect with yourself, connect with your body. Know yourself and know the world through your body and the 5 senses. Go into nature. Dance, touch and feel your body. Enjoy the sensations of being alive. Live your gifts but in the physical reality. Share your gifts, instead of hiding away.
Also, go find your community. You are threading in the realm of spirituality here, between the world of seen and unseen, known and unknown. Go and find the people who speak your language, and who can help you navigate this path while thriving in this physical world at the same time.
As a parting gift, I would like to recommend you to read a book if you haven’t already: Way of the Peaceful Warrior - By Dan Millman. Here’s wishing that you find the physical foundation for your gifts to grow, and may your physical reality reflects the magic of your alternate reality.
With a warrior heart,
Seektruth