took a lot of time to study myself and understand the crux of why im in the place i am in and i realized that a lot of my life can be chalked up to me feeling like everyone should give me attention and that if no one is giving it to me, i feel inadequate or very small. is it because i have low self-confidence or is it something else? any advice or comments would be appreciated
You said you spent time understanding yourself and noticed this pattern about needing attention, and without it you feel inadequate or small.
Reading that, it comes across as someone trying to make sense of themselves, not someone who is lacking. It makes sense that if attention has become a way to feel grounded, its absence would feel unsettling.
You are not alone in this pattern. For many people, attention becomes tied to a sense of worth over time, especially when it has been one of the more consistent ways to feel seen or acknowledged. So the reaction you’re noticing is understandable, even if it feels uncomfortable.
At the same time, you’ve already done something important by being able to see it and name it. That shows a level of awareness and stability that not everyone reaches easily.
I’m wondering how you are making sense of the place you are in right now. When you say “everyone should give me attention”, what does that mean to you?
And when that attention is not there, and the feeling of being small comes up, how does that show up for you? What are you noticing in yourself at those moments?
When you think about low confidence, what does that actually feel like for you? And what do you find yourself hoping to receive from others then?
We can take this slowly. You’ve already started looking at something quite closely, and that is a steady place to begin from.
Hey there, thanks for sharing how you feel. That’s actually a really insightful thing to notice about yourself. It takes a lot of honesty to recognise a pattern like that.
Wanting attention and feeling small when you don’t get it is often connected to self-worth. So yes, it can be linked to lower self-confidence, but it’s usually deeper than just that. It can come from getting used to tying your value to how others respond to you, so when that attention isn’t there, it feels like you are lacking, even though that’s not actually true.
Your mind might be using attention as a way to feel safe, seen, or reassured. So when it’s missing, it triggers that feeling of “I’m not enough.” It’s not a flaw, it’s a pattern you’ve learned over time.
A gentle way forward isn’t to force yourself to stop wanting attention, but to slowly build a sense of worth that isn’t entirely dependent on it. That can look like noticing your own efforts, validating your own feelings (“I did my best today,” “It’s okay to feel this way”), and not immediately using others’ reactions as the measure of your value.
You’re already doing the hardest part, which is becoming aware of it. That awareness is what allows change to happen, little by little. You’re not “too much” or “needy”, you’re someone learning how to feel secure in yourself, and that takes time:)
I think when I say “Everyone should give me attention”, it means I want to be the focus of everything going on; like I want to be the most important person in the room. When I don’t get that, my mood does go down and I feel like no one likes me or cares about me whatsoever. I notice my mind spiraling a little bit and overthinking about what other people think about me and how I am perceived by them. Low confidence for me feels like I am paralyzed by fear for doing tasks that are not too big like asking someone to step aside or ask out someone on date. Lastly, I hope to find validation from the people who do notice me, like they see me as someone important like I do them.