i need advice on how to deal with peers that don't seem to care

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Hello! I’m writing because I need some insights on how to deal with people [who you have to work with] who don’t… really care about you or your well-being. It’s affected me quite badly.

For some context, I had my first major mental health intervention just a few months ago, triggered by overwork and heavy anxiety from Uni and life in general. One of the things that pushed me to want to do harmful things to myself [and worst of all, end things then and there] was that no one in my Uni batch, whether that be people I thought were friends or people who were my mandatory project mates, ever reached out to me during my sudden month-long inactivity at school.

It’s like no one in Uni cares about the people around them. I went missing for a solid month, yet all I got back were messages asking me to finish parts of a project. Some of these people were even in the so-called peer supporters club, yet all they could tell me was that not being in school was affecting my reputation, and I should save my own face by coming back. It’s crazy to think that some people just really don’t care about others. All I thought back then was, ‘If my life was clearly less important to people my age than a project or a report, what worth do I have?’

How do I deal with people like this? I need to go back to school later in the year, and the thought of working again with this batch of people makes me genuinely sick. If I need help, what do I even do? I can’t just plead to my batchmates that they have to take it easy on me. And I certainly don’t know how to make them care about those around them. What do I do about this? :’) I appreciate any advice, thank you

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Hey @cluelessunistudent,

When I read what you shared about being away from school for a month and only receiving messages about finishing project work, it sounded like a very difficult period for you. You were already overwhelmed by university and life pressures, and during that time it seemed like no one noticed how much you were struggling.

You mentioned that the loneliness during that period became so heavy that thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life appeared. When someone reaches that level of overwhelm, it usually means the pressure has been building for some time. When the responses from people around them feel focused only on tasks or performance, it can easily lead to the thought that one’s wellbeing does not matter to others.

Being in that situation can feel hurtful and lonely.

At the same time, university environments can sometimes push people into survival mode. I know of many students are also dealing with heavy workload, deadlines, and their own stress. When that happens, I notice that many may focus narrowly on what needs to be completed. It can come across as not caring, even when the reality may simply be that they do not know how to respond when someone is struggling.

You shared that some of these classmates used to feel close. I am wondering if you can recall whether anything changed in the relationship before you stopped attending school, or whether things only shifted during that month when you were away. I also wonder whether some of them might have been struggling with school work themselves.

When people do not know how to handle situations involving mental health, some may avoid the situation or focus on practical matters instead. When we are already feeling vulnerable, these responses can feel especially painful.

Right now, the most important thing may not be trying to make classmates understand or care. That is something that is often outside our control. What matters more is making sure you have support around you as you continue recovering.

If those thoughts about harming yourself return, reaching out for support could really help in those moments. You can contact National Mindline at 1771, where counsellors are available to listen and help you think through what you are going through. If there is someone you trust, a friend, family member, counsellor, or mentor letting them know what happened can also help you feel less alone while you return to school.

You have already taken a step by writing here and trying to understand what happened. For now, it may be enough to focus on your recovery and finding the right support around you. The rest can take time.

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hii, i’m really sorry this happened :(( disappearing for a month and only getting “finish the project” messages sounds honestly damn painful. and yeah, it makes sense it messed with your head.

maybe it could help to remind yourself that some ppl in uni are just… not emotionally there (even if they’re “peer supporters”), and it doesn’t mean you’re not worth caring about.

if you need support when you go back, would it feel safer to lean on someone outside the batch? like a counsellor, a tutor/prof, or even one trusted friend, so you’re not depending on projectmates to be kind.

and if the harmful thoughts come back, pls reach out to someone immediately okay? you don’t deserve to go through that alone.