Hey hello, I’m taking O levels this year. There’s a lot of things all crashing down. Exam results, self image, relationships… I feel that I’m slowly getting my life back together after lying around doing nothing for the past couple years. But sometimes I stay up really late at night and wonder: “What do I even want?” I have no goal, no ambition, no drive. There’s neither a pushing force nor a pulling force. I do have a couple friends, but I don’t feel like anyone would really have time for me. They either focus on their studies and interests (which I fully support and wish them the best on that) or on their good friends. It makes me feel isolated and lonely. The only thing I have been doing is going online over and over again to find articles on how to get closer friendships, how to find a goal, but they don’t quite help. They just provide me with more things to say to comfort my friends when they feel down. I’ve never tried expressing my feelings of lonliness and uncertainty to anyone, at most sending my thoughts, ideas and emotions through multiple AI Chatbots over and over again to figure out what on Earth is wrong with me. It’s almost an obsession and a way for me to avoid facing my negativity directly. I have a horrible habit of avoiding things and hoping that I could figure everything out on my own. I don’t think I can though and nothing seemed to help. I go over my past actions and words so many times that I remember every detail I felt was “bad”. I really hate myself and the way I do things. I don’t think I should be focusing on these things during my prelims but it has been eating away at me. I need advice on how to deal with everything as I don’t think I should believe that I got it anymore. I really feel like I’m weird for kicking up such a fuss over small things, and I couldn’t even express myself clearly using this huge chunk of text.
Hey @CatchingFireflies, thank you sharing all of this 
I’d like to say that you aren’t “kicking up a fuss over small things” okay?
Whatever you’re carrying right now is genuinely a lot! Exams, identity, loneliness, self-doubt…all at the same time! Any one of this at any time can be heavy, and the fact that you’re carrying all at the same time sounds very overwhelming 
I’m really glad you were able to put it all into words at all…even if it felt messy, this definitely took a lot of courage!
I’d like to gently name something here. The self-criticism you described sounds exhausting and painful! That’s something worth paying attention to, not pushing aside until after prelims.
You shared that you’ve never actually expressed these feelings of loneliness and uncertainty to anyone before. How does it feel, even just now, to have said it out loud, or written it down, here?
You don’t have to have a goal or a direction figured out right now…but you do deserve support that’s actually for you, okay?
If you’d like to speak to someone over the phone, you can always reach out to National Mindline 1771, okay? You can call them at 1771/whatsapp them at 66691771. They are available 24/7!