I feel so attached and so comfortable in my unwell mental state of mind. Like I know I have issues, anxious attachment , I get in depressive episodes and stuff like that. But I don’t want to get better, I genuinely don’t know why. I find so much comfort in it, like if I actually got diagnosed, I wouldn’t want to get better. Not because confronting the problem is difficult or I think it’ll be difficult to recover and get better, I just genuinely don’t want to. I don’t know why.
Hey @Engine,
When you say you feel attached to your unwell mental state, it sounds like you’re noticing something about yourself that even you don’t fully understand yet. You’re not hiding it or pretending it’s different. You’re just describing it as it is.
Sometimes when a certain emotional state has been around for a long time, it becomes familiar. Even if it isn’t pleasant, it can still feel predictable. Letting go of something familiar can feel strange, even when we know it hasn’t been good for us.
You also sound quite aware of your patterns. You mentioned anxious attachment and depressive episodes. Not everyone is able to notice these things about themselves, so the fact that you can observe it already says something about how reflective you are.
At the same time, the way you described your thoughts is something worth paying attention to. Those thoughts can be a sign that you’ve been carrying a lot for a while. DId you get a chance to reach out to someone who can help in the moment. If you’re in Singapore, SOS is available at 1767 and the National Mindline is 1771.
Sometimes the first step is simply understanding what this state has been doing for you.
If you’re open to reflecting on it, one small question might be: When you say you feel comfortable in it, does it feel more like familiarity, or more like it has become part of how you see yourself?