Comparision is the thief of joy.
I had many people from my own mom to friends and strangers telling me that what i go thru is what everyone go thru in life.
I grew up being taken care by my Paternal Granparents and my dad was in and out of jail and i only knew him for about a month. I was constantly physically beaten by my grandma and uncle who was about 1.9m tall and very big sized. I got slapped so hard by him that i could hear my ear ring. I was only 7 years old.
Then at 11 years old in a month both my paternal grandparent that took care of me passed away and my father has asthma and withdrawl and i was hugging him tight till the next morning. I woke up to his blue corpse while still hugging him. I never really got over that but people kept invalidating that what i go thru is NOTHING and that its in the PAST.
and that what they go thru is much worse. People just keep comparing that thier lives are hard and stuff and that mine is not valid what so ever.
Fast forward to when i was 27, I got physcosis and snap my own neck while throwing myself in the dumpster of a compactor, jumped on a metal rod trying to impale myself then later came home and took several knives trying to stab my heart - i was in the toilet but family members in the hall could hear the " Thumbing sounds " - that was how hard i tried to stab myself.
But Yeah, NOTHING compared to other people and my pain is invalid. Right ?
After i got diagnosed with the so called severe mental disorder called schizo affective my life hasnt been that great. but yeah Its NOTHING not VALID. cause other people go thru more like they do in Africa where they have to drink cow’s piss or war torn countries where only their suffering is valid cause its televised. Correct ? Mine is considered Chicken Feet.
I learned that after disclosing my illness that i was only getting 1.9k eventhough i have 2 diploma and a 3.58 out of 4.00 GPA for my Nitec in Aircraft maintenance but a friend i recommended got 2.1k with just a Nitec in automobile. So i guess thats just how it rolls… Career dicounted.
When i was 30 i almost got engaged to my then girlfriend but her mom was against it and asked for 20k dowry cause she didnt want me to marry her cause she knows that i only earn a mere 800 back then…so No Love life either and the females i got to know that knows about my illness just discard me like a plastic bag…so no Love life…
But the ultimate banger that i just learned last year is that i have a heart condition now and i just went for an Ultrasound for my heart and despite what they tell you;
People with mental illness have shorter life span due to 2 factors;
- Death by suicide because of not taking medication
- Death by later physical complications ( Long term ) due to taking medication.
I have already had my bladder gone and have to frequent the toilet.
Bloated stomach etc… But Yeah ITS NOTHING cause other people go thru much worse. Cause what i go thru is not valid… Forgive me while i finish this last drop of cow’s piss.
Have a great day and God Bless