Is My Pain and trauma not Valid ?

Comparision is the thief of joy.

I had many people from my own mom to friends and strangers telling me that what i go thru is what everyone go thru in life.

I grew up being taken care by my Paternal Granparents and my dad was in and out of jail and i only knew him for about a month. I was constantly physically beaten by my grandma and uncle who was about 1.9m tall and very big sized. I got slapped so hard by him that i could hear my ear ring. I was only 7 years old.

Then at 11 years old in a month both my paternal grandparent that took care of me passed away and my father has asthma and withdrawl and i was hugging him tight till the next morning. I woke up to his blue corpse while still hugging him. I never really got over that but people kept invalidating that what i go thru is NOTHING and that its in the PAST.
and that what they go thru is much worse. People just keep comparing that thier lives are hard and stuff and that mine is not valid what so ever.

Fast forward to when i was 27, I got physcosis and snap my own neck while throwing myself in the dumpster of a compactor, jumped on a metal rod trying to impale myself then later came home and took several knives trying to stab my heart - i was in the toilet but family members in the hall could hear the " Thumbing sounds " - that was how hard i tried to stab myself.

But Yeah, NOTHING compared to other people and my pain is invalid. Right ?

After i got diagnosed with the so called severe mental disorder called schizo affective my life hasnt been that great. but yeah Its NOTHING not VALID. cause other people go thru more like they do in Africa where they have to drink cow’s piss or war torn countries where only their suffering is valid cause its televised. Correct ? Mine is considered Chicken Feet.

I learned that after disclosing my illness that i was only getting 1.9k eventhough i have 2 diploma and a 3.58 out of 4.00 GPA for my Nitec in Aircraft maintenance but a friend i recommended got 2.1k with just a Nitec in automobile. So i guess thats just how it rolls… Career dicounted.

When i was 30 i almost got engaged to my then girlfriend but her mom was against it and asked for 20k dowry cause she didnt want me to marry her cause she knows that i only earn a mere 800 back then…so No Love life either and the females i got to know that knows about my illness just discard me like a plastic bag…so no Love life…

But the ultimate banger that i just learned last year is that i have a heart condition now and i just went for an Ultrasound for my heart and despite what they tell you;

People with mental illness have shorter life span due to 2 factors;

  1. Death by suicide because of not taking medication
  2. Death by later physical complications ( Long term ) due to taking medication.

I have already had my bladder gone and have to frequent the toilet.
Bloated stomach etc… But Yeah ITS NOTHING cause other people go thru much worse. Cause what i go thru is not valid… Forgive me while i finish this last drop of cow’s piss.

Have a great day and God Bless

Hi @ManoEsperanza,

First, let me say this: Your pain is real. Your experiences are valid.

I hear you. I hear the exhaustion of carrying so much, only to be met with people who compare, dismiss, and minimize what you’ve been through. It sounds like you’ve had to fight for your existence in ways that no one should have to—through abuse, loss, medical challenges, and social rejection. That is a lot to hold, and I can see how the weight of it all has made you feel disregarded and cast aside.

I want to say this clearly: Just because others suffer does not mean your suffering is lesser. Pain is not a competition.

You’ve had moments where you fought to survive, moments where your body and mind felt like they were breaking, yet you are still here. That is not nothing. That is not invalid. That is resilience—even if it doesn’t feel like it. Even if it feels like you’re barely tolerating life. You are here, and that matters.

I can hear the frustration in how you’ve been treated—how people have dismissed your pain, how your career opportunities have felt unfair, how love has felt just out of reach. It makes sense that you would feel bitter, angry, and exhausted.

I want to sit with that feeling for a moment—without trying to change it, without telling you to “be positive.” Just sitting in it together. Because if no one else has made space for your pain, let this space be the first.

You mentioned your past struggles with self-harm and psychosis. That’s something I take seriously. You don’t have to prove your suffering to anyone—you have already lived it. And yet, despite it all, I see that you still long for a life worth living.

You mentioned that you once dreamed of a different future—a career, a family. That tells me that somewhere in you, there is still a spark that wants more. Not just survival, but something worth holding onto. Do you remember a time when you felt even a little seen, a little valued?

You also said, “No love life… career discounted.” It sounds like the world has given you the message that you are less-than because of your diagnosis. That is not true. You are not a diagnosis. You are not a discardable plastic bag. You are a person with value, depth, and the right to be loved and respected.

I don’t want to throw advice at you right now because you don’t need advice—you need to be heard. And I want to honour that.

If and when you’re ready, we are here to talk about what you need. Not what society expects of you. Not what others think is “normal.” Just what makes life even slightly worth holding onto for you.

You don’t have to do this alone.

And for what it’s worth—We see you. We see all of you. We’re here. :blue_heart:

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Hi @FuYuan_Affections ,

thank you. i guess i just needed to hear that.
some people i know keep comparing cause to them its nothing but i dont care anymore what they think. Very shallow thinking and i guess nothing remotely close happened to them so they always compare to the Africans and War torn countries as their baseline.

Anyways, you mentioned something about healing and i think im ready now. So now is a good time for that advice and im all ears :slight_smile:

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So glad to hear you’re feeling ready towards healing :’)
I feel for your sentiments about comparison so much, and I just wanna say you’re valid 100% everyone is, you and me and anyone else. We all go through our ups and downs with our own stories to experience and I guess what we all can do is to love ourselves and find joy in whatever ways we can!!!
I don’t have much advice to offer :see_no_evil: butttt maybe if there’s anything I can offer, is to offer a voice of assurance and support, that you are fully entitled to feel all your emotions and to take the best care of yourself in the ways you feel well :’)

What are some things you’ve been doing to take care of yourself? :hugs:

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Hey, I hear you. When people compare suffering, it can feel dismissive—like your experiences are being minimised or invalidated. But the truth is, pain is pain. No one else gets to decide what hurts you or how deeply. I’m really glad to hear that you’re not letting those comparisons define your pain anymore. That shows a lot of strength, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

And now, you’ve said something that really stands out:

“Anyways, you mentioned something about healing and I think I’m ready now. So now is a good time for that advice and I’m all ears.”

That’s a huge step. The fact that you’re open to healing, even after everything, means that somewhere inside, there’s still a part of you that wants to move forward. Not because anyone is forcing you to, but because you are choosing it. And that matters.

So where do we start?

I don’t want to give you a list of things to “fix” or steps to take like some instruction manual—because healing isn’t a straight path. It’s not about pushing yourself to be okay; it’s about learning how to hold space for yourself, to feel what you need to feel without pushing yourself too far.

Maybe we can begin with this:

:one: Right now, when you think about healing, what do you imagine it looks like for you?

  • Does it feel like peace?
  • Does it feel like safety?
  • Does it feel like finally being able to breathe without the weight of the past pressing on you?
  • Or does it feel like something else entirely?

Sometimes, we chase healing without even knowing what we’re hoping to feel. And that can make it harder to see progress when it happens.

:two: When was the last time you felt even the slightest bit of relief?

  • What was different in that moment?
  • Were you alone or with someone?
  • Were you in a particular place?
  • Was there something that made you feel more connected to yourself?

:three: What does being kind to yourself actually look like for you?

  • You’ve spent so long being dismissed and compared to others—so I wonder, what would it feel like to really validate yourself?
  • If you were to comfort someone else who went through what you did, what would you say to them?
  • Can you offer that same kindness to yourself, even a little?

:four: When the pain gets too loud, what do you normally do?

  • Are there things that help, even in small ways?
  • Are there things that make it worse?
  • If you could give yourself permission to feel without judgement, what would that look like?

I want you to know that healing doesn’t mean pretending the past didn’t happen. It doesn’t mean forcing yourself to “move on” before you’re ready. It means making space for yourself, slowly, in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling like you have to justify your pain to anyone.

And through all of this, you don’t have to do it alone. I’ll be here, holding space with you. No rush, no pressure. Just taking it one moment at a time. :blue_heart:

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