Is this what i want? is this the right decision?

[byul]

hi… im not sure if taking a gap year/sem is even what i really want tbvvvh… school has been sooo heavy that i just want run away from that place which is why i think taking deferment might helps with me gaining my momentum back again and also my focus..

maybe its the loneliness of being alone in school that also make it hard for me to cope and push through the semester…i do make decisions on a whim without really think about it carefully and sit with it on the choices i have made… had a huge argument with my mom and brother yesterday that make me re-thinking about my choices of deferment…do i rlly want to continue and see how things go? or what?

i wish i have someone i could really ralk about this and help me navigate through my decisions but all the choices such as school counselor, mentor, career guidance(idk if this is helpful) hasn’t been really helping much if im being really honest… they give more of academic wise and i don’t want that…

everyday i ask myself if this is what i really want? if this will really helps with me to cope better? will this help? like really help?? i cry everyday and night wondering whats the beat and what’s even wrong with me….. and it all spirals to self-doubt and seeing alot of negative side about myself…

all i want is to have assurance and support system that i can rely on…. but i guess thats is something sooo hard for my family to even show or even tell…

[thursday]

hello, thank you for sharing. I hear that school has been stressful; perhaps you can use mindline’s resources to talk to counsellors here who can help with understanding your strresses? you don’t need to go through this alone rooting for you OP!

[FuYuan_Affections]

Dear @byul

It sounds like you’ve been trying to cope in the only ways that feel familiar, avoiding what hurts, or stepping back to reduce the disruption.

Deferment isn’t you giving up. It’s you considering a gentler path because you already noticed how loneliness and emotional strain make coping harder.

It also shows a lot of insight that you linked the heaviness to being alone in school.
You let yourself be vulnerable at home, but the response didn’t give you the cushion you needed.

That would make anyone hesitate before deciding. I also want to echo what another user (@thursday) mentioned, calling Mindline can help. Even a short conversation can give you some grounding when your thoughts feel too fast.

It’s clear that decisions feel risky for you right now. You might be wondering, “What if the outcome is not what I hope for? What if people judge me? What if I regret it?”
Those questions are fear talking, not failure. Every big step looks scary when you haven’t been supported through past choices.

This is where courage comes in. Courage doesn’t mean knowing the outcome.
It means taking the step and trusting that if things wobble, you won’t be left alone.
And you’re already showing courage by thinking through what you need rather than running away from everything.

If you decide to speak with a counsellor, here’s one way to open the conversation so they can “support” and “carry” you properly:

“I am thinking about deferment because school feels too heavy to cope with, especially with the loneliness. Avoiding class has been my way of surviving, but I know it’s not sustainable. I’m scared of making the wrong decision. I need help understanding what I’m feeling and figuring out what support I actually need.”

This gives the counsellor a clear picture of your fear, your coping style, and the kind of support you’re looking for.

You don’t need to make the perfect decision now. You just need support while you walk through it. And you’re allowed to land softly. Take care and time to ease yourself into the telephone conversation.