I have been feeling really tired and want to sleep as long as possible and not wake up. I even think that I sleep too much, more than 10 h. I keep having thoughts of wanting to be hospitalised and treated, I imagine medical procedures done to me for a very long time. But if I do get hospitalised, I think that I do not want to engage, participate or even talk. I even feel talking to be exhausting/draining. I just want to lie down, sleep or just stare/zone out.
I felt so disgusting, like a really big blob/lump of fat. I feel really fat and uncomfortable. I felt so nauseous and vomited frequently in the past, like multiple times in a week. I feel I should not eat so much, I am so fat. I feel really awful, a lot of tension, distress and want to get rid of my fats. Why do I feel nauseous, up to the point of vomiting? Or I would have tried to suppress it but fail.
I also felt intense tightness/discomfort in the chest. I felt that I could not breathe/experience palpitations but it doesn’t happen all the time.
I am a person that does not cry easily no matter what happen and I always suppress everything. But I realise now I cry easily and become more emotional. I am also very sensitive and get easily affected by what others say and get hurt and sad.
I really hate myself so so so much and felt really upset when I make mistakes or when I am not performing well. I felt that I should have push myself more and done better or to improve but I feel really exhausted. I am very disappointed in myself and I am so stupid. I am so unconfident and have low self esteem. I feel like a failure and lacking in so many areas. I don’t know why am I like this, I hate myself so much.
What could be the reasons that I keep thinking like this, especially when it persists. How do I stop feeling/having these thoughts. How do I reduce the physical symptoms?
Reading your post, it actually feels less like incoherence and more like exhaustion, when the mind and body are so drained that everything comes out in pieces. That in itself already tells us something important.
You’ve been feeling very tired, sleeping more than 10 hours, wanting to sleep and not wake up. It might help to pause and check:
roughly how long has this tiredness been going on… days, weeks, months?
was there any recent change before this started (work, studies, stress, routine, sleep schedule)?
Those questions are simple markers we use when we suspect low mood over a prolonged period, because prolonged fatigue and hypersomnia often show up early.
You also described feeling disgusted with your body, nauseous, and vomiting. Again, it may help to ground this a little:
how long has this sense of disgust been there?
if the vomiting isn’t constant, can you recall any situation, thought, or stress that tends to come before it?
You’ve also noticed a shift in yourself: someone who used to suppress emotions now crying easily, feeling more sensitive, more hurt by words. That doesn’t mean you’re getting weaker. It often means the suppression has reached its limit, and your system no longer has the energy to hold everything down.
I also noticed how harshly you speak to yourself, “stupid,” “failure,” “I hate myself.” That voice tends to get louder when someone is exhausted and depleted.
You did the right thing by putting this into words. At this point, it would really help to speak to someone in person who can assess both your mental and physical symptoms properly.
If you’re in Singapore:
You can call Mindline 1771 to talk things through and get guidance on next steps.
Alternatively, seeing your family doctor or a polyclinic is a very reasonable first step, they can check the physical side and make a referral to a mental health professional if needed.
You don’t have to be articulate or “engaged” to seek help. Showing up tired, quiet, and unsure is still showing up.
For now, let’s focus on getting you clarity and support.
The tiredness has been going on for the longest time. I don’t know when it actually started. I am always so stress and tired…
I feel disgusted for a very long time too. I don’t see my refection in the mirror or have any photos of myself. But the funny thing is I don’t care about my appearance, I don’t bother to wash my face or dress up. If given a choice, I would rather not go out and stay at home, I don’t even want to go out to buy food. I don’t even bother to bathe if I don’t need to leave my house the next day. Is it weird that I like the feeling of being hungry?
Don’t recall any particular situation but I think it always happens after eating lunch/dinner at sch/home. Although I try not to vomit at sch but the urge to vomit is too strong. As I will feel nauseous for long period and vomit, I do get scared of the consequences. I think it might be less severe during the holidays?
I have actually seen GP multiple times for my physical symptoms. Have taken medicine to reduce my nausea but I think it doesn’t help. My heart is fine too, just that it is beating too fast.
What you described helps clarify a few things. Your tiredness and stress have been around for a long time. When you are unable to identify a clear starting point, it sounds like you have been running under strain for much longer than it looks on the surface.
The pattern you described around eating and nausea, appears to come after meals, especially during school periods, and eases somewhat during holidays. That suggests your body may be reacting to stress and tension, rather than food itself. When stress stays high for a long time, the body sometimes responds with nausea, tightness, or an urge to vomit, even when medical checks come back normal.
The body disgust you mentioned sits alongside this. Not wanting to look in mirrors, withdrawing from going out, and losing motivation for basic self-care often happen when someone feels overwhelmed and depleted. Yet maintaing the feeling of hunger can also be a sign that your body is trying to quiet or control uncomfortable sensations, rather than a conscious goal to harm yourself.
You’ve already done the right thing by seeing GPs and checking your heart and physical health. Since those causes have mostly been ruled out, the next helpful step isn’t more willpower or pushing yourself, it’s getting support that looks at stress, mood, and the body together.
I encourage you to reach out and speak with your school counsellor to talk through what’s been happening and get guidance on support.
Let’s focus on getting you steadier and clearer, one step at a time. Would like to share more about the anxiety in school? And if you don’t mind me asking, is there anyone else (either adult or friends) close or you are comfortable to share this situation so that they can accompany you?
as @FuYuan_Affections has rightfully pointed out, I hear so much exhaustion in your words. Your mind is grappling with so many emotions at the same time, frustration, confusion, sadness, shame…etc… It is no wonder that you are feeling tired. Could I suggest that we take a deep deep breath, and start small? If you are comfortable, could you share with me one, just one emotion you are feeling the strongest right now? You named a couple, but is there one in particular that is bugging you at the moment? We could explore that together. We are here for you, and you matter to all of us here.
You think that my main cause is stress? I don’t think I will see a counsellor as I don’t think it will help. I just get stress and anxious at everything. In class, I will pick the flesh around my nails repeatedly until it’s out and bleed. I don’t have anyone else to share.
@FuYuan_Affections I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why am I like this exactly. Maybe it’s an accumulation of all the things that I had experience in life. It’s has been going on for so long, maybe I just can’t get better and I keep returning to negative thoughts/feelings and behaviours.
