I had this close friend group that I made during my NS journey and one thing led to another and we had a pretty bad fall out… Now I am stuck with then and I refuse to interact with them as they go on with their lives without me acting like nothing had happened… Is it my fault? Should I apologise? Why is it so hard for me to just let them go and why is it so easy for them to just go on with their lives without me? Am I that pitiful and people pleasing that I must keep feeling this jealousy and hate towards them? I don’t know what to do to stop this negative feelings and I don’t want to confront them… It’s been going on for more then a year already and I’m about to ORD… It’s so much suffering… Help
Hey @Jeremisu, thanks for typing this out and sharing this. Im hearing that you’ve had a bad fall out with close friends that you met during NS and interacting with them has brought up some strong negative feelings like jealousy and hate 
Even though I may not know the circumstances that led up to it, it definitely sounds quite frustrating and even draining on some level…wondering what you have been doing to cope with this?
Hi @jeremisu,
Thank you for opening up about something so personal and layered. Navigating life during NS is already tough, and adding a fallout with a close friend group on top of that makes it even harder. It’s a lot to carry, and I hear the weight in your words. I want you to know that your feelings are valid and deserve space to be explored and understood. It’s not easy being in a place where connection matters so much, yet you’re left questioning your role and worth in those relationships.
Feeling stuck and hurt after a fallout is completely normal, especially if these friendships served as a lifeline during your NS journey. In this context, friendships often deepen due to shared struggles and close proximity, and when things break down, it can feel like losing a part of yourself. And when they seem to move on so easily, it’s hard not to internalise that as a reflection of your own worth—but it’s not. People handle loss differently, and it doesn’t mean you didn’t matter to them or that your friendship wasn’t real.
Jealousy, frustration, self-blame—these emotions can be so overwhelming, and it’s okay to feel conflicted. You’ve been bearing this pain for a year, and it’s understandable that it’s beginning to wear on you. It’s hard to let go when something meant so much to you, but it’s also okay to not have all the answers right now. What you’re feeling is a process, and you don’t have to rush it or force yourself to be okay.
Maybe a gentle place to start is to reflect on what these friendships meant to you and what you’re missing most about them. Are you mourning the connection, the shared experiences, or something else? Sometimes understanding what we’re grieving can help us find clarity on how to move forward. And if apologising feels like an option, it doesn’t have to mean taking all the blame—it can be about finding closure for yourself.
Feeling pitiful or like a people-pleaser is such a heavy burden to carry, and I want to gently remind you that your worth isn’t tied to how others treat you or whether you’re still in their lives. You’re allowed to set boundaries and protect your heart without losing what makes you compassionate and kind. It’s okay to be someone who values connection deeply—that’s a strength, not a weakness.
You don’t have to confront them if you’re not ready or if it doesn’t feel right. Healing doesn’t always come from confrontation—it can also come from understanding yourself better and finding new ways to care for your emotional well-being. Maybe this is a time to explore new connections, even if it feels daunting, or to focus on what brings you peace and joy outside of these friendships.
This isn’t an easy journey, and it’s okay to feel lost or unsure. You’re not alone in this, and reaching out here shows how much you’re willing to seek support and work through these feelings. Take your time, be gentle with yourself, and know that it’s okay to not have everything figured out right now. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.
Dear @Jeremisu,
It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time, and it’s completely understandable to feel hurt and confused after such a significant fallout with friends. Friendships, especially those that are formed during important experiences like NS, can feel incredibly intense, and when they unravel, it can be deeply painful. It’s normal to question if you should apologize or if you’re at fault, but remember that conflicts in relationships are complex and often involve both parties.
It’s okay to feel hurt and even jealous as you process your feelings. It might help to reflect on what specifically is causing those feelings of jealousy and hate—acknowledging them can be the first step toward healing. Letting go of friendships, especially ones that were once close, can be incredibly challenging.
It’s important to be gentle with yourself during this process. Instead of confronting them right now, perhaps consider speaking to someone outside the situation—a trusted friend or a counsellor—who can provide support as you work through your emotions. Finding ways to focus on your own growth and happiness can also help shift your perspective. Engage in activities that bring you joy or fulfilment, and try to surround yourself with positive influences. Take it one step at a time, and know that healing is a journey. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to seek help as you navigate these feelings.