Is it normal to push the blame to others because udw to feel bad and useless about yourself
Hey @user8222,
Yes, this is normal.
When someone pushes blame to others, it’s usually not because they don’t care or refuse responsibility. It happens because taking the blame inward triggers a deep sense of shame, often linked to feeling “bad” or “useless”.
Psychologically, when something goes wrong:
- a belief gets activated: “If this is my fault, it means something is wrong with me.”
- the feeling that follows is shame or fear
- the mind protects itself by shifting the focus outward
Blame, in this sense, is a self-protection response. It reduces emotional pain in the short term.
However, using this stance repeatedly can be detrimental to mental health. Over time, it keeps shame unresolved, increases tension in relationships, and prevents a person from building a stable sense of self-worth. The relief is temporary, but the stress accumulates.
What really helps isn’t forcing yourself to stop blaming, but learning to process the feeling underneath, to recognise and make meaning that making a mistake does not equal being useless. As that belief weakens, the need to push blame outward naturally reduces.
Noticing this pattern, like you just did, is already the first healthy shift. Would you care to share more?
Hello @user8222 thank you for sharing this here. What you’re describing is actually very common, and it makes sense. When we feel uncomfortable or distressed about ourselves, it’s natural to try to protect ourselves by shifting the blame elsewhere. For many people, this can become a habitual response over time.
As @FuYuan_Affections mentioned, deflecting blame can sometimes feel safer than turning it inward, as self-blame can bring up a lot of painful emotions.
One gentle way to work on this, if you’re open to it, might be journaling your thoughts when you notice yourself feeling bad about yourself. Writing things down can sometimes help you see that you’re being much harsher on yourself than you deserve, and over time this may reduce the tendency to place blame.
It’s already really positive that you’re aware of this pattern. That awareness shows insight and a genuine effort to understand yourself better.
hello, thank you for sharing! I think it is okay to stop thinking about the matter for a short while, and go on walks/chat with someone and then try to process what has happened and how you can move on from there. rooting for you 