I think wayyyy too much about killing myself so my ex best friend (and only best friend ever) whom i recently got in a fight with and fell out with because she was being a frigid ■■■■■ whos too immature to apologizee can realize what she did to me and how mean she is. it has really destroyed my life mentally, its been over a month and i am drepressed every day at school and cry constantly. i feel lonely and like not living most, if not all days. i hate how unbothered she is about everything. i hate my life. i hate myself, i hate everything. is revenge suicide fantasy normal
both 14f. sorry
Dear @ji9star
Thank you for reaching out. Understandably you are in a lot of pain as you have lost support from your best friend and you are feeling alone. It’s only human to want your friend to know how much you are hurting.
I can sense you are feeling helpless and overwhelmed. As you grieve from this loss, do be compassionate to yourself. May I suggest that you focus on helping yourself recover instead? I recommend that you reach out to a school counsellor or hotlines in your home country urgently to get immediate and necessary help you need to get through during this low period in your life.
Do refer to this website for a list of available hotlines you can reach out to.
https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/
Gently know there are caring and competent counsellors manning these hotlines who can journey alongside you to reduce the distress and hurt you are experiencing. Please seek help soon. 
how do i “help myself recover” i feel like i cant avoid it/her. i burst into tears everytime i see her or hear her name and we go to the same school and it im not reminded of her im just reminded of how lonly i am and i have no friends
Dear @ji9star
Thank you for replying. I can feel your hurt and sadness and it is clear that you miss your friend. To help yourself, I recommend you approach a trusted family member, teacher or a school counsellor very soon for support. Understandably it will be hard to manage the current overwhelm on your own so reach out for support soonest.
Your well being is a priority and you matter. Your life and your safety is most precious.
ive already tried talking to my counselor and it doesnt work. nothing works. i just want friends. i want a best friend. no one likes me enough to be my best friend
Dear @ji9star
It’s good you spoke to the counsellor in your country. Please do not be discouraged and continue to get support from the counsellor, brainstorming actions you can directly take to develop friendships. Do be patient as building friendships take time. You are not alone so keep going and taking small steps in this direction.