hi um, this is really my last resort because I don’t know what to do.
A close friend of mine from secondary school (who is on the autism spectrum) has recently been expressing suicidal thoughts. This has been especially concerning as he has a history of such behaviour — we once had to physically restrain him from attempting to jump off a building.
I feel quite helpless about how to support him. He recently shared that he “hates” his body and feels that he has “gotten fat” — these comments are linked to his desire to transition into a girl which is even further complicated by his father’s views (his dad is very conservative and holds derogatory opinions about trans people).
His recent suicidal comments came after another exchange with his father. He even texted a mutual friend, asking them to inform his parents about his sexuality if he were to pass away. I messaged him immediately that night and encouraged him to reach out to resources like this lets talk page (which he didn’t do) (He tends to be quite stubborn) . I know he used to receive regular counselling in school, but I’m unsure if he is still receiving any support now.
My year head suggested meeting up with him in person (something my friends and I are planning to do over the June holidays). I’m not sure how to approach the conversation — what I should say if he brings these issues up also how I might encourage him to get professional help besides most importantly what do I do to not make it worse (he has a tendency to misunderstand advice)
honestly tho im pretty stressed out, jc is very difficult and like this month i fell sick alot, i had a pretty bad falling out with a really close friend (we’re ok now but still recovering I suppose) and like heres the thing im like the therapist friend of sorts where i listen out their problems but other ppl in the friend grp are putting a lot of pressure on me to know the answer on how to solve this but i dont have all the answers, i try to rely on my support structures to keep me sane but its just that its like ppl feel im so well adjusted and balanced that they dont ask hows my day or even if i share their response is just not really comforting idk
First and foremost, I want to acknowledge how deeply caring and responsible you are for wanting to support your friend during such a challenging time. It’s clear how much you value their well-being, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed—this is an incredibly heavy situation. You’re already doing so much by reaching out for guidance, and that’s a testament to your strength and compassion.
Regarding Your Friend’s Safety:
Immediate Risk: If your friend ever expresses an active plan or intent to harm themselves, do not hesitate to contact emergency services or a trusted adult immediately. Safety comes first, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Crisis Resources: Encourage your friend to reach out to suicide hotlines (e.g., Samaritans of Singapore) or LGBTQ±specific support lines (e.g., The Greenhouse). These services are trained to handle sensitive situations.
Professional Help: Gently suggest reconnecting with counseling, framing it as a tool to help him navigate his feelings about his gender identity and family dynamics. For example: “I know things feel really overwhelming right now. Would it help to have someone to talk to who’s worked with people in similar situations?”
Navigating the Conversation (June Meet-Up):
Listen First: Start by validating his feelings without judgment. Phrases like, “It sounds like you’re really hurting, and I’m here to listen,” can help him feel heard.
Avoid Problem-Solving: You don’t need to “fix” things. Often, feeling understood is more powerful than advice.
Gentle Encouragement: If he mentions his body or transition, affirm his feelings (e.g., “It’s okay to feel this way, and you deserve support”). Avoid debating his self-perceptions.
Frame Help Positively: Instead of pushing him to “get help,” try: “What would feel helpful to you right now?” or “Would it be okay if we looked into resources together?”
Protecting Your Own Well-Being:
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say, “I care about you, but I’m not equipped to handle this alone. Let’s find someone who can help.” You’re not responsible for “solving” this.
Lean on Your Support System: If friends pressure you for answers, be honest: “I’m struggling with this too. Maybe we can talk to an adult together.”
Ask for Support: Tell your friends directly what you need: “I’ve been stressed lately—could we chat about something lighthearted?” or “I just need someone to listen right now.”
Self-Care: Prioritize rest, even in small ways (e.g., short walks, journaling). JC is tough—give yourself grace when you’re sick or overwhelmed.
Mental Health:CHAT provides mental health screenings and referrals for youth.
School Counseling: If he’s no longer seeing a counselor, gently ask if he’d like help reconnecting (e.g., “Would you want me to come with you to the counselor’s office?”).
You’re doing an incredible job balancing your own struggles while supporting others. Remember, you don’t need to have all the answers—showing up with kindness is enough. If things ever feel too heavy, please reach out to a counselor or trusted adult yourself.
hey @user7025 thanks for sharing all this. @FuYuan_Affections has shared some really good resources and tips on how you can support your friend.
I want to address your own needs. It’s great that you are a strong pillar for your friends around you and they feel comfortable and safe to turn to you for help, however, do know that your needs matter too and you also deserve to be seen and heard. I’m wondering if there is anyone or some friends in your friend groups who you feel safe to share your troubles and concerns with? If you do have some people in mind, I would suggest that you seek support from them too, especially in this period where you have school and friendship stresses and you’re also battling your own physical sickness. Let them know how you would like to be supported, for example, telling them that you’d appreciate if they can ask you how’s your day or check in with you once in awhile.
rmb to treat yourself as kindly as how you would treat ppl around you okie!!! its so easy to provide for people around you and forget that the most impt person you need to first take care of is yourself!!!
i think we can only be there for people around us if we are well ourselves. and i think its impt to draw boundaries for yourself - to know that youre not obliged to be there for others and that if someone pressures you into doing something youre not feeling comfortable to do, you can always always kindly step away <3 i’m sure if a friend of yours shares this exact situation they are facing, you would encourage them similarly so i hope hearing this from me here would give you the courage to first care for yourself okie!!!
for your friend who is experiencing suicidal thoughts, as a supporter, i think what we can do is to communicate your capacity clearly, and to encourage/support the friend towards seeking professional support (like seeing a counsellor). can also consider setting up a support group to help support this friend, so you guys can take turn to be present and to collectively support each other. cos it will definitely be more beneficial for yourself and for this friend of yours!!
the most impt thing to rmb is to not blame yourself or to take on the responsibility solely on yourself okie! you’re right that youve got support here on lets talk!! hope something ive shared would help you you’re alr a fantastic friend and person
I just want to take some time to show some care for you. It sounds like a lot that you’re going through. Showing up and caring for a friend with suicidal ideation isn’t easy, and you sound like a really caring friend. At the same time, it isn’t something you should do alone. It does take a village, but it sounds like a lot of people are turning to you and you’ve become the village head of sorts. I just want to say that, it’s okay to not have the answers. Even the adults sometimes don’t, and it sounds like even the year head is relying a little on you all to show up for your friend, which kinda proves the point as well. It’s okay to say you’re not sure, and to tap on the others showing up with you to support your friend.
And you showing up for yourself and asking for support here is a great step, and really thank you for doing that for yourself. I know that reassurances from your friends feel limited in their comfort, but I encourage you to keep reaching out to your friends. Give them chances to support you too. Because you deserve the support, even if you have to ask for it
Now for a bit more practical advice. I think the above has some good advice. One thing I might add is on identifying the risks. Sometimes it might feel scary to talk about suicide, but it is okay to check in with your friend on what he thinks the risk is. I hope it also takes a little weight of having to feel like you need to figure it out on your own – you can ask your friend too about how they feel about their own suicidality. Of course, do make sure these conversations are held in a conducive space, and when both you, your friend, and anyone else supporting your friend, are ready and in the right headspace.
All the best and continue taking care of yourself too
so i hope hearing this from me here would give you the courage to first care for yourself okie!!!
you’re alr a fantastic friend and person 
