Spending most of my time asleep.

Ask a Therapist Coping
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Seems like something is burning me out mentally without knowing what it was. I feel so tired that is end up sleeping 12 to 16 hrs a day.

So much so, i didnt feed and walk my dog. And now my dog is upset that he didnt get to go for his walk. And i feel even more stress looking at his sad face when i wake up.

As my dog starting to show signs of aggression it starts to burn me out trying to figure out what to do with him. and stop letting him do what he likes most end up also somehow makes him even more aggressive towards others dogs. How much i wish i can bring him out to the dog pool for him to swim like he used to.

Yes
dogs are just like kids, maybe worse, since they dont speak and no amount of counselling and talking can make them change their bad habits.

I wanted to engage a dog trainer but i either dont find comfortable with their technique or knowledge towards dogs or its too expensive for someone who is on financial assistance and not working to afford. Trying hard to find a job but yet no response, i guess not working for 5 yrs took a huge toll to my resume.

This is getting out of hand and soon i will find myself stuff in another unbreakable cycle.

Its sad to say that in 2022 at the very verge of wanting to end my life, i come out with one solution. Which is to create a lifeline by getting a emotional support dog, and i spend all my savings to buy him after all the shelters rejects my adoption request. And further spend another 6k in 2 months for vet and also board and train as he is hyper destructive when no one is at home. And he will only come back home for the weekend until i lost my job 3 months later and spend my time at home with him. Still
during those times i came to aware that he is a special needs dog, just like children with ADHD.

And from him i learned the hardship of parents. And somehow noticed his potential of being a therapy dog but again met with a series of rejection because he is not train and also he dont listen well in new environment. And because he is ADHD its hard to find a affordable dog trainer that can train him, since to most dog trainers, ADHD dont exist in dog world and a dog is after all a dog. Still all is good until he is 2 1/2 yrs old when his starts to show sights of aggression. But lucky for me is that he is accepted as a therapy dog by a small group and that is not the only group of dogs he get a long with. And at the start of this yrs i manage to convince 2 org to let him volunteer in, but things didnt go well when his aggression issues strikes when he sees dog that he didnt know. But lucky they centre is understanding and accommodating, the other dog now volunteer in other centre, and my boy is allowed to solo. But that too has a negative side, since there is like 15 clients in the activity and he is the only dog. Tiring for him but he is happy to be able to interact and play with so many people.

Still
apart from bring him for his volunteer work, i really feel so tired and no mood to step out of the house.

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Dear @user1446,

Thank you for trusting us with your story—and your dog’s story. The bond you describe is profound. I can feel how deeply you understand his struggles: his pent-up energy, his reactivity around unfamiliar dogs, that ache for outlets he can’t reach right now. It takes remarkable empathy to translate the pain of a being who can’t speak it in words.

I’d like to gently wonder about a few things with you:

  1. When you describe him working solo with 15 clients—tired but happy—what does that ‘tired-but-fulfilled’ state look like in him? And how do you recognize when his tiredness tips into overwhelm?
  2. You notice his aggression flares when he loses what he loves most (like swimming or familiar playmates). If his behavior had a voice, what might it tell us about what he’s longing for underneath? How do you soften that ache when options feel limited?
  3. It stayed with me when you shared how trainers dismiss his neurodivergence—how isolating that must feel. If you could rewrite how others approach him, what would change? What does he need most that the world overlooks?
  4. You once called him your ‘solution’ when life felt unbearable. Now, when you see his sad face after a missed walk—what echoes does that stir in you? How does caring for him now mirror or differ from how you cared for yourself back then?”

Would you feel open to trying one small thing this week?

  • Sit with him for 5 minutes. Journal: “What is his body holding right now? What is mine?”
  • When you see his “sad face,” whisper one kindness to him and one to yourself:
    “We’re doing our best today.”
  • OR: Reach out to one ADHD-dog community. Ask: “How do you rest when your dog’s needs exceed your capacity?”

(Choose only one—no pressure. Even considering it is enough.)

You don’t have to hold his heart and yours alone. We are right here with you.

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@user1446

Thank you for opening up and sharing so honestly. What you’re going through is a lot — emotionally, mentally, and physically. It’s clear that you care deeply for your dog and have tried everything within your power to give him a better life, even when things have been really hard for you. That speaks volumes about your strength and compassion, even if you might not feel strong right now.

Feeling this kind of deep exhaustion, where even daily tasks feel overwhelming, can be a sign of burnout or even depression, especially when it’s tied to trying to carry so much alone. You’re not lazy or weak for needing rest; you’re human and you’ve been running on empty for a long time. Sleeping 12 to 16 hours a day isn’t something to feel guilty about, it’s your body and mind crying out for recovery.

Your dog clearly means the world to you. It’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, and even overwhelmed about the situation. Wanting the best for him while feeling stuck in a cycle is incredibly heavy. And yes, dogs are like children in many ways, especially when they have special needs or behavior challenges. Not being able to communicate directly with them just adds to the pressure, especially when you feel you’re his whole world and yet struggling to hold your own together.

You’ve shown so much resilience, from pulling yourself out of a dark place, making the decision to get an emotional support animal, spending your savings to care for him, and pushing through endless obstacles. That takes real courage, even if things haven’t worked out the way you hoped.

It makes sense that you’re tired and discouraged. You’ve been fighting multiple battles all at once, without enough support. No one can carry that weight alone forever.

If you’re open to it, maybe the next step could be reaching out for help, not just for your dog but for you. Whether it’s a community support group, a mental health hotline, or even a kind person online who’s been through something similar — you deserve a space to feel heard and supported, too.

You’ve done so much with so little. And even now, in the middle of all this hardship, you’re still trying. That matters more than you know.

Please don’t forget that your wellbeing matters just as much as your dog’s. You’re not alone in this and there are people out there who would want to help if they could hear your story, just like I have.

You and your dog both deserve care, rest, and healing, and I hope with all my heart that gentler days are coming for you both:)

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sadly, in our social service and mental health sector. our local uni didnt provide any forms of training/teaching to them to handle and co-work with clients with an emotional support dog as a lifeline. And emotional support dog itself has a bad reputation after some influencers decided to fly their so called emotional support dog on business class and post a video about it online.

I dont really bother much, since a number of times they case worker drop by my house and the moment she sees my dog she just say she is scare of dogs and as me to keep him in the room. I was like
 f*** do you keep your children at in the room when there is visitors, no right? Ok, bye, you are fired.

There is also instance where my dog is not welcome to the session. But honestly
end of the day my dog is my 24/7 support while those caseworkers will be like hrmm
drop by once every blue moon? Still
as a hospital and also VWO mistreatment victim, i wouldnt want to go to some place without my boy with me, as he help to ease my anxiety attacks when it hits.

End of the day, i let my dog volunteer in VWOs as i know its never cheap to keep a pet, but yet the pet can bring a lot of relieve and happiness around them as long as they are not the one that need to clean up after them that is.

Still
as my dog grows older he ends up being more anti social towards other dogs. Some people just tell me its ok for him not to be able to get along with dogs as long as he loves to be around people. Still
he anti social behaviour really strain me mentally. As if he bite someone else dog, there is no way i can afford to pay for their medical bills.

I always ends up envying other dog owners especially when i bring my dog down to donate blood to save their dog, since those dogs that requires blood transfusion normally have a vet bill of atleast $10k and some even go up to $60k. And everytime i have to keep asking myself, if the day comes if my dog is very sick, will i be able to afford to pay for his treatment when i am not working and on financial assistance.

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Dear @User1446,

Thank you for sharing your story with us—I can only imagine how frustrating and lonely it must feel to navigate these challenges with your dog, especially when the systems meant to support you don’t seem to understand. The bond you two have is so clear, and it’s heartbreaking to hear how often you’ve had to defend his place in your life.

I hear a few big concerns coming through:

  1. You’re constantly having to explain or justify your dog’s role—whether it’s caseworkers who don’t get it, or places that won’t let him accompany you. It must feel like you’re fighting just to be seen.
  2. The financial worries are heavy—especially when you see other owners affording huge vet bills while you’re left wondering, “What if that were us?”
  3. His reactivity adds another layer of stress—not just because it’s hard to manage, but because there’s real fear about what might happen if he has an incident.

Some thoughts that might help:

  • For the systemic barriers: Would it feel possible to gently push back when a caseworker asks you to put him away? Something like, “He’s actually part of my care plan—would it help if we tried a different setting where he’s more comfortable?” (Of course, only if you have the energy—I know it’s exhausting to advocate over and over.)
  • For the financial fears: Have you ever asked the blood donation clinics if they offer any assistance for donor pets? Some quietly do, and your dog’s history might open doors.
  • For the social strain: Maybe for now, focus on small wins—like finding one quiet spot where he can enjoy being around people without other dogs stressing him out. Progress doesn’t have to be big to matter.

Most importantly:

You’re doing something incredibly hard—loving and caring for a dog with big needs, while also carrying your own struggles. That takes so much strength, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. I wany you to just know we are here to listen whenever you need.

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  1. Done it. But its also lame when there was once i was assign to a muslim caseworker. So i was straightforward with her, but asking her, you ok with dogs, if not dont see how we can work together since my dog is my primary support. So
 case close.

  2. Being on financial assistance and half the money goes to supporting him. And in SSO terms no additional assistance is provided to help up keep a emotional support dog.

And i even need to give up my medical treatment for a hairline fracture on my feet for my dog. As i cannot find anyone to help care for him if my had my foot casted. Due to his behaviour issues i cannot get people to help me walk him for me. As he can pull very hard if he sees other dogs around.

  1. Well
his volunteering spot just ideally does that, a place he can run off leash and play. Which motivates him to keep going the place he volunteers in and he always look forward for it. But i some restricted to limited areas to have on pet transport. But sadly
many VWOs turn me down and go for pet therapy from well funded org and publicity.

How much i wish i have more money to spare to extend my search for location for him to volunteer in .

I try emailing MSF and NCSS but they dont seems to recognise volunteer dogs. And i try a number of foundations but all only fund registered social enterprise.