Seems like something is burning me out mentally without knowing what it was. I feel so tired that is end up sleeping 12 to 16 hrs a day.
So much so, i didnt feed and walk my dog. And now my dog is upset that he didnt get to go for his walk. And i feel even more stress looking at his sad face when i wake up.
As my dog starting to show signs of aggression it starts to burn me out trying to figure out what to do with him. and stop letting him do what he likes most end up also somehow makes him even more aggressive towards others dogs. How much i wish i can bring him out to the dog pool for him to swim like he used to.
YesâŠdogs are just like kids, maybe worse, since they dont speak and no amount of counselling and talking can make them change their bad habits.
I wanted to engage a dog trainer but i either dont find comfortable with their technique or knowledge towards dogs or its too expensive for someone who is on financial assistance and not working to afford. Trying hard to find a job but yet no response, i guess not working for 5 yrs took a huge toll to my resume.
This is getting out of hand and soon i will find myself stuff in another unbreakable cycle.
Its sad to say that in 2022 at the very verge of wanting to end my life, i come out with one solution. Which is to create a lifeline by getting a emotional support dog, and i spend all my savings to buy him after all the shelters rejects my adoption request. And further spend another 6k in 2 months for vet and also board and train as he is hyper destructive when no one is at home. And he will only come back home for the weekend until i lost my job 3 months later and spend my time at home with him. StillâŠduring those times i came to aware that he is a special needs dog, just like children with ADHD.
And from him i learned the hardship of parents. And somehow noticed his potential of being a therapy dog but again met with a series of rejection because he is not train and also he dont listen well in new environment. And because he is ADHD its hard to find a affordable dog trainer that can train him, since to most dog trainers, ADHD dont exist in dog world and a dog is after all a dog. Still all is good until he is 2 1/2 yrs old when his starts to show sights of aggression. But lucky for me is that he is accepted as a therapy dog by a small group and that is not the only group of dogs he get a long with. And at the start of this yrs i manage to convince 2 org to let him volunteer in, but things didnt go well when his aggression issues strikes when he sees dog that he didnt know. But lucky they centre is understanding and accommodating, the other dog now volunteer in other centre, and my boy is allowed to solo. But that too has a negative side, since there is like 15 clients in the activity and he is the only dog. Tiring for him but he is happy to be able to interact and play with so many people.
StillâŠapart from bring him for his volunteer work, i really feel so tired and no mood to step out of the house.