my family has recently hired 2 maids to look after our daughter who is hyper-active. as it has only been less than a month, I was not sure if I was being over sensitive/ over-reactive on pondering if they could be trusted. just to share a bit more background, one of them has been through some rigorous physical training (akin to army?) just to make sure she has the strength and stamina to keep up with my girl. there was once she even told me that her trainer shouted at her for being slow and would not be given any food to eat if she did not run fast enough. to be honest, I think she tries her best; there was once where the laundry was too heavy for her and she called 2 other neighbor’s maids to help out. so here’s the part where I felt doubtful - I was worried that she has shared my daughter’s or our family’s matters with the neighbor maids. her homework, our timetable/schedule etc. as in gossip. which is what we hate. we would be side eyed or laughed at when on the same lift as them. there was one day where my daughter told me that they were mocking at her how to use AI as a sex bot. as for the second helper, she has been very weak and always falling sick. she is a cozy companion for my daughter and provides a good listening ear. but recently she has requested for 2 weeks of MC and we later found out that she was having a holiday with other maid friends in KL. it is very difficult for me and my family to trust her. I am not sure if we should replace her again. maybe she is still inexperienced and felt stressed. maybe she was plain lazy. should we give her another chance? or fire them immediately? its too depressing to even think of who we thought of were help aids became pain. yeow.
Hi @Windon567 ,
It sounds like you’ve been trying very hard to stay fair and reasonable while holding a lot of uncertainty on your own. That’s not easy, especially when this involves your child and your home.
One thing that might help clarify the situation is to pause at the very beginning. When you describe your daughter as hyper-active, has this been assessed or diagnosed by a medical or developmental professional before, or is it a way of describing how intense and fast-paced her needs are day to day? The reason this matters is that different types of “hyper-activity” call for very different caregiving approaches, not just more energy or stamina.
Related to that, I was a bit concerned by the assumption that rigorous physical training alone is enough preparation to care for a child with high-energy or regulation needs. Physical strength doesn’t necessarily translate into skills like emotional regulation, boundary-setting, or responding calmly to impulsive behaviour. Unless a helper has been trained specifically to work with such children, it’s understandable that things may not sit right with you.
I also noticed how your concern seems to shift as you shared more. It starts with whether your daughter is being properly attended to, and then moves towards worries about privacy, gossip, mocking comments, and honesty. That shift makes sense. Once trust starts to crack, the focus naturally widens from “are they coping?” to “are we safe and respected in our own home?”
Your unease around possible gossip, the comment your daughter reported, and finding out about the MC being a holiday aren’t small issues. It’s reasonable to feel unsure and mistrustful after that. Feeling let down by people you expected to support you can be very painful.
Before deciding whether to replace anyone immediately or give another chance, it may help to sit with a simpler question first: if things stayed exactly as they are now, would you feel more settled over time, or more on edge? That feeling often says a lot about what you need next.
This is a tough situation, and perhaps for you to ponder if you will need to separate what didn’t meet your expectations, what crossed boundaries, and what you and your child genuinely need moving forward? Let us know your thoughts?
thanks for reading and the advice. it has indeed been a tumultuous period for me and my family. we believe the right environment is especially important for brining up our child during her formative years.
to address your question, it is a way of describing that she leads a very fast paced lifestyle and has very little quality rest. she was almost a jack of all trades but master of none perhaps.
my daughter is not impulsive. she has a mind of her own and is not afraid to speak up when things go wrong. more importantly, she is good natured and has a strong sense of moral and ethics. on hindsight, it was an oversight on our part as we did not conduct a detailed background screening on these 2 maids.
while there is not much we can do about the gossip, it is also not healthy for my child to be exposed to such obscene or degrading contents. my maids’ capabilities are being questioned, and we are certainly not able to settle for less.
the feeling says that we need to replace them asap. but we will need to find a backfill to avoid gaps in between. as mentioned, my daughter is hyper-active and requires a lot of attention. the agency is not abled and has probably not done a good job with referrals as we will not be going back to them.
what we really need for our child, like you shared above, is not just a helper being physically fit. basically, they need to be trained as a care-givers, be emotionally supportive and stable, intuitive and pro-active. with the right attitude as well would be helpful. we do not want a helper who tries to manage expectations. we need a helper that CAN MEET EXPECTATIONS. (Sorry for the caps). but this is a point in emphasis.
Thanks for coming back to update. Reading this reply, it’s clearer where you’re standing now, not confused in the same way as before, but tired, firm, and more grounded in what you won’t compromise on.
A few things stood out.
First, how you described your daughter shifted the picture in an important way. You’re not talking about impulsivity or poor control. You’re describing a child who is fast-paced, expressive, morally grounded, and mentally active but with limited rest and depth.
That’s a very different profile from how “hyper-active” is often assumed. It makes sense now why physical stamina alone feels so off-target. Perhaps, what she needs isn’t someone to keep up with her body, but someone who can pace her nervous system, set boundaries without force, and model regulation.
Second, your reflection about the lack of background screening matters, that’s insight. You’re recognising that the risk here wasn’t just workload or inexperience, but fit. And once you name that, it explains why the gossip, the sexualised comment, and the dishonesty hit so hard. Those aren’t isolated incidents; they directly violate the kind of environment you’re trying to build in your child’s formative years.
You’re also very clear now about priorities. This isn’t about being “nice” or managing expectations anymore. It’s about safety, physical, emotional, and moral for everyone in the household. Your emphasis on “CAN MEET EXPECTATIONS” is proportional to the responsibility involved.
A couple of gentle check-ins, only if you’re open to them (and it’s completely okay if you’re not):
Roughly how old is your daughter now? Age can change what kind of caregiving support is most appropriate.
Have you ever had the chance to speak to a professional (paediatrician, psychologist, OT, or similar) about her energy levels, rest patterns, or support needs? Not because something is “wrong,” but because clearer guidance often makes hiring and screening much more precise.
You’re right that if professional input is needed, recommendations tend to fall into place more naturally through in-person consultations. And you’re also right that, given what’s already happened, your gut sense deserves weight here. When trust is compromised at this level, hesitation often isn’t indecision, it’s your system protecting your child.
If you find yourselves stuck on the “how”, especially while managing the transition and backfill, reaching out to Mindline (1771) can be a practical step. They can help you think through what kind of support or agency might actually match your child’s needs, rather than just offering generic referrals.
This has clearly been a heavy period for your family. Wanting a caregiver who is emotionally stable, intuitive, proactive, and properly trained isn’t asking for too much it’s asking for the right thing. And it makes sense that once you saw the gap clearly, settling for less stopped being an option. Hope that it helps.
Hi FuYuan_Affections, if I may correct this ; some parts of your responses sounded like an AI Bot, limited in depth? My girl has limited rest not depth.
She is not nervous and does not need a pacer, she needs someone that can keep up with her energy levels and activities. Currently, she’s in K2 but thanks for the summary. Maybe what she needs at the end of the day is a competent bodyguard with the above characteristics. We might just get a trained dog instead since he has failed.
Hi @Windon567,
Thanks for taking the time to respond and clarify, I appreciate you engaging further.
I want to clarify that when I mentioned “depth,” I was referring to depth of focus and integration, not intelligence or character. I’m sorry if that wasn’t clear earlier and led to any misunderstanding.
From what you’ve shared, it’s clear you’re thinking carefully about the kind of environment and support your child needs, and that matters. If you haven’t already, speaking with the appropriate professionals can sometimes help bring clarity around next steps and support options.
Thank you again for sharing openly and for being part of the discussion here.
FuYuan_Affections, this is fine as we have true medical certified professionals to seek help besides a what your claiming.
we will definitely be speaking with the true abled professionals, thanks for reading.
Hi @Windon567,
It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot right now, and seeking guidance from qualified medical professionals is the right step. But I honestly feel that there’s no need to frame things in terms of someone’s “limited capacity or intellect” when tensions are running high.
Even if @FuYuan_Affections (or anyone else involved) doesn’t have all the answers, maintaining mutual respect helps keep communication clearer and more constructive.