Noone i can speak to pour out my problems without judgement

Ask a Therapist Mental Health Conditions
1

I got noone to pour out my issues without being judged

Even my own family or husband understands what i am going through

Cos everything i do is wrong to them

All the things i did is just wrong wrong wrong

Even my own parents kept pointing out my mistakes and focus on it if i dont do it their way

My husband nonetheless bothered about it. He feels i overreacted somethings but thats because he dont bother about the children future. They are still children, need guidance. We cant just throw them as it is like in old times. And i alone worry with noone to pour my feelings.

I get angry w myself and he feels i am overreacting…. dont bother to find out how i feel.

Now i kept blaming myself for not being able to protect my children. I am a super lousy failure mother cos my mom kept emphasizing on it. Its always me… the greatest failure cos i am not doing what she wants me to do.

I feel like leaving…. somewhere… but i cant bear to leave my children

Do i have a serious problem?

2

Hi @ethel,

I would like to assure you that, from what you have described, you do not have a serious porblem. In fact, there’s a raw, exhausted love and frustration in you. The “i feel like leaving… but i can’t” line is a small, loud heartbreak. It says: “i want rest from this pain, not to abandon my children.” and that’s important. It is clear that you are holding two things at once, fierce care for your kids and a call to being seen.

You’re carrying other people’s voices as your own, your mother’s critique, your husband’s “you overreact,” the way families in our culture expect mothers to hold everything. That pile of voices becomes a rule in your head: i must be perfect or i am failing. and when that rule runs, it can turn into shame.

It’s important for you to keep safe even though you are angry, for now, a small, grounding practice you can do in 60 seconds:

Sit, both feet on floor and breathe in for 4s, hold your breath for 2s and breathout out 6s. Do this three times.

A one-line boundary you can try with your husband (practice once out loud first):
“I hear you think i overreacted. I need you to ask me what i’m worried about before deciding.”

If staying safe ever feels hard, or the urge to actually leave becomes urgent, please call for immediate help: SOS 1-767, National Mindline 1771, or WhatsApp a counsellor at +65 6669 1771 (Share on WhatsApp).

You’re not “broken” or beyond help. You’re tired and under-resourced. That doesn’t make your feelings any less real , it just means you deserve real support that listens without fixing or judging. Whenever you feel that you are up for it, feel free to make the call.

3

Tks.. the only time i felt full of confidence is my work… but sinking myself in work means i neglect my family

I just hope my children can quickly grow up so that i can leave

4

Hey @ethel, thank you for sharing with us. I can only imagine how painful it must have been to bear such a heavy burden all alone. I can sense the sinking feeling you feel whenever your parents or your husband point out your mistakes and ignore your feelings. With no one to turn to, it really hurts so much to carry so much pain all by yourself.

It’s not your fault that you feel this way. Even the strongest people need someone to turn to whenever they go through hardship or struggles. This does not make you a failure; in fact, this is what makes us all human. You deserve to have someone whom you can confide in without having to worry about judgment.

If you’re open to it, you can consider the National Mindline hotline at 1771 or via Whatsapp at +65 6669 1771 as mentioned by @FuYuan_Affections, where there will be a trained counsellor on the other side of the phone to lend you their listening ear.

If this feeling persists and you feel overwhelmed by these emotions, don’t be afraid to seek help from professionals. Community Outreach Teams (CREST) are available nationwide, providing counselling services for those in distress, free of charge. You can check them out at this website: SupportGoWhere

I want to say that having to take care of your family, while trying to manage your emotions simultaneously, is not an easy task. You don’t have to do this alone; there are various avenues available that can give you the support and make things a little better. Who knows, sometimes having someone trustworthy whom you can confide in can give you the peace of mind that you are searching for! Jiayou!! :heart:

5

Hey @ethel , thank you for having the courage to share something so personal and meaningful to you. That takes real strength.

From everything you’ve described, it’s clear you’re carrying an enormous emotional load right now. I genuinely hear your longing for freedom and relief. Your feelings are completely valid.

At the same time, I’ve learned that when we’re emotionally overwhelmed, our perspective can shift in ways that make everything feel more intense or hopeless than it might actually be. When our minds are emotional, it is not the best time to jump to conclusions and make drastic decisions. It is often the time when our mind is overwhelmed and we only see the bad, and not the good. This however, doesn’t minimize what you’re experiencing—it’s just worth considering as you navigate these difficult emotions.

Communication breakdowns can be incredibly painful, especially with the people closest to us. We all express love, frustration, and needs differently, and sometimes our messages get lost in translation even when we’re speaking the same language.

If you’re open to it, I’d gently suggest having a calm conversation with your husband/ parents—not to air grievances, but to share how you’ve been feeling and what you need from them. This can help in clarity and even in gaining new perspectives, both sides. As the saying that goes from one of Stephen Covey’s principles: ‘seek to understand only to be understood’.

You might also consider couples counseling or communication workshops with your husband and your family. Having a neutral space to explore each other’s love languages and stress responses can be transformative for relationships.

The truth is, none of us are mind readers. Healthy relationships require us to clearly express our needs while also seeking to understand our partner’s perspective. It’s hard work, but it’s often the path toward the connection and understanding we’re actually seeking.

Wishing you much growth and wisdom forwards🌿

(If you’re looking for any books to help you in your relationship with your husband, the book ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ is a really great read. Do check it out it personally helped me a great deal~)

6

I feel you, when i was young i was abused by the hospital staff and when i told my mother about it she just ignored me. And when i and my bother both have our own dogs, my mother always expect me to clean up after both dogs while my brother is allow not to clean up.

And when i cook for the family my mother will nitpick say now the food i cook is not up to her taste, so in the end i just give up cooking and let her do all the cooking, and after that guess what? She start grumble how i dont bother to cook when i was at home whole day and she is out working.

Same goes to cleaning the house, she will always end up telling me i didnt clean the house properly, so i once again stop doing the cleaning, and let her do everything, again she start to grumble how i am at home the whole day not doing anything while she is out working but came home and need to do everything.

Honestly….its perfectly normal in life that you find people have different opinions to you. As quite recently my old friend’s mother actually contacted me telling me my friend is admited to the hospital for the past 5 months under MHCTA. And she dont know what to do as she dont want to speak to her, and she dont understand what the doctor is saying. So, when i told my friend’s mother that she need to call the ward to request to speak to the doctor and ask to change to another doctor, and tell her to let me know if she was mistreated by the staff inside. My friend’s mother just tell me stop acting smart and tell her what to do and also dont show off. While she keep saying i dont know this and dont know that unlike her daughter. I was like….arr…..whatever up to you. And up guess what? she say i disrespect her. i was like, why even tell me ask me when you dont want answers. She dont even know how badly i was triggered by my friend’s forced admission news, and i was not able to sleep for the entire night and the first thing i did in the morning is start sending out emails looking for help.

End of the day, i dont think you have serious problem, just that you share different point of views. But sometimes is also how we put things, that make people feel offended. And some people are easily offended. But i guess if you need help or someone to speak to, you can go to your nearby family service centre and get some marriage counselling support.

7

Yes i ever suggest counselling to my husband but he feels is never his problem. Its all mine and overthinking. And he feels it might burn his pockets, so he is never into this. Now i think he is blaming me for bringing up the kids the wrong way. He feels i should be the one setting the example and not him. Whenever i talked to him i feel v fustrated cos he never listens… cos he feels i am wrong in everything…

8

Tk u for looking into my thoughts. Yes i agree the elderly do have some unfair thoughts. They usually reach out to ppl not for suggestions but more for ppl to align with them and create an alliance rather than taking in suggestions.

Same for my mom

My work is v busy and at times my phone can non stop ringing. Nx thing i know she will call me and blast over the phone. And trying to get some credit from me, gaslighting etc.

is emotionally v tiring having to get this from her and also go home to face my husband.

9

Hey @ethel thank you for opening up and sharing how you’re feeling. I can hear how heavy this all feels for you, carrying so much on your own and feeling like everything you do is judged or criticized. That sounds incredibly exhausting and lonely, especially when even your family and husband don’t seem to fully understand or support you.

It makes complete sense that you worry about your children and want to guide them. That shows how much you care about their future, and wanting to protect and teach them doesn’t mean you’re overreacting. It means you’re a thoughtful, involved parent. Feeling frustrated or angry at yourself when you feel unsupported is a very human response.

I also hear how much your mom’s criticism weighs on you, making you question yourself and feel like you’re failing. That constant focus on mistakes can really make anyone doubt themselves, even when they’re doing their best. But feeling like a “failure” doesn’t mean it’s true. You’re doing a hard job under difficult circumstances, and doing your best in itself is something to acknowledge.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and to wish you had someone to talk to who really gets it. Reaching out and sharing your feelings is a strong, brave thing to do, and it doesn’t make you weak. You deserve to be heard, validated, and supported, not judged.

If the pressure ever feels too much, it might help to find someone outside your family. Perhaps a friend, a counsellor, or a support group, who can just listen and help you process what you’re going through. You don’t have to carry this alone, and needing support doesn’t make you any less capable as a mother. You care deeply, you’re trying your best, and that matters more than you realize. Sending u lots of care!

10

at times i thought if i have not gotten married, there wont be so many ppl being implicated by me. Or maybe my non existence will bring others more peace

11

Hey @ethel

Reading what you wrote, “maybe my non existence will bring others more peace” made my chest tighten. it tells me you’re exhausted and hurting. You also said your work gives you confidence, and yet when you come home the phone, the blasts, and the blame wait, it’s like you have to switch from being competent to being a target. Its clear that you deserve to take a rest.

Although you talked thoughts of “leaving” or “non-existence” come up, yet, I sense that there is a part of you that feels otherwise.

Again, regardless of what others say, please call for immediate help now: SOS 1-767, National Mindline 1771, or WhatsApp a counsellor +65 6669 1771 (Share on WhatsApp).

You’re carrying so much, and that doesn’t mean you’re failing. it means you need a person who can carry some of it with you. We are here to listen to your and to help you plan one tiny next step together, please reach out, your children benefit from your existence.

12

actually…if you can, maybe consider getting a break from all this crap,go for a short solo staycation or go to friend’s place to stay for a few days or a week. And take a leave of work.

Put aside your family for one moment. If yourself a me time to recharge and clear your mind. A time where you are just yourself and no one else.

As due fact, sometimes in life we just keep giving in to others that we change to what they wanted us to be, and forget who we actually are. So…take a break, walk off and switch off your phone.

Its a good time to let them try surviving without you. So they dont take your existence for granted. Its also a good time for you to think about how you want to move forward and how you want to manage your kids.

13

I ever thought of your suggestion. But i cant let down my kids.

Like now, i tried to tell my hubby something… he start questioning me….then get upset when i dont kowtow to him…

I really got noone to talk to… cant even discuss anything…

its v tiring

14

Discussing things w my hubby is like walking on eggshells… its doesnt suit his thinking he will just get upset

15

Hi @ethel ,

I can sense the fear in your response. Are you ok to share more? What you described about him getting upset, how does it look like?

I want you to know that just because a solution isn’t clear today doesn’t mean there isn’t one at all. Sometimes the first step is what you just did , naming the fear out loud.

Do you feel safe enough to make a call or WhatsApp to National Mindline +65 6669 1771?

For now, maybe a small ask, when you notice yourself around your hsuband, does your body feel more tight in your chest or more heavy in your stomach? catching that could help identify that you need safety first and that means you truly need the support, so please make the call when you get a chance.

You’ve already shown courage by putting words to your terror. we can hold this space until the way forward becomes clearer.

16

Well…..there is always a saying, a rubber band will eventually snap if you keep stretching it.

So….its really ideal if you can just walk away for a while, even for just 1 day. If you really worry about your kids, well just bring them along.

End of the day, it takes 2 hands to clap, so its hard to communicate if the other party isnt receptive about it. That is one thing i hate about human communication as well as when asking for help.

So….if its really that hard to get things going, you need to start to think for yourself and those that you care about.

Still….its best to get Family Service Centre to help you. And perhaps join a support group.

And if possible get a hobby, one that make you feel relax.

For your own parents wise, sometimes you need to consider if you will feel better if you just disconnect with them.

17

Where can i get the support group?

18

Hey @ethel,
Have you tried calling National Mindline +65 6669 1771? What about making a trip to your nearest family service centre? Else here are some other options as well.

Peer & Parenting Support Communities
AWARE Singapore – Counselling & Support Services
1800-777-5555 | https://www.aware.org.sg
For mothers struggling with work-life stress, emotional burnout, or guilt stemming from gendered caregiving expectations.