Unsure if feelings/emotions are real

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Recently life had been so odd. I am unemployed and having a gap year before pursuing further studies and my parents are trying to get me to help them work their business. I feel like helping them is the right choice logically and morally but my gut feeling is keeping me from being positive with what they do, i feel despise and frustrated when it comes to helping and just want to be left alone despite me thinking its right to help them.

Through alot of arguments and unpleasant events, I often feel myself stressed with anxiety but only for a brief moment and suddenly my brain just asks the question ‘are you faking it for attention? For sympathy? Or just to get out of this?’. And it has been going on for quite awhile, i had feelings im having anxiety or depression but i think im faking it and i feel confused. What am i feeling? Why am i feeling so? Im not even sure what is right or wrong, am i self-gaslighting?

What is depression or anxiety and how do they actually feel?

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Hey @user0510. Thank you for being so open about what you’re going through. I just want to start by saying you’re not alone in this. A lot of people who go through anxiety or depression question whether their feelings are “real” or if they’re exaggerating. That doesn’t make your experience any less valid, it actually shows how deeply you’re trying to make sense of what’s going on inside.

Anxiety and depression can look and feel different for everyone. It doesn’t have to be dramatic or look like the extremes we see online. Sometimes it’s exactly what you described. The stress, frustration, mental conflict, and then this fog of doubt that makes you wonder if you’re faking it.

Anxiety can feel like unease that never switches off, or like your body’s bracing for something even when nothing’s happening. Depression can feel like a fog, low energy, or even feeling nothing at all. That inner tug-of-war takes a lot of energy, and it’s no wonder you’re feeling worn out. There isn’t a “right” way to experience it.

It also makes sense why you’d feel conflicted about helping your parents. Even if it seems “logical” or “right,” your emotions matter too. Feeling drained or resentful doesn’t mean you don’t love them, okay? It means your body and mind are signaling that something about this situation is tough for you to handle.

You don’t need to have it all figured out right now. If it helps, try talking to someone you trust, journaling your thoughts, or even just letting yourself rest without judgement. And if these feelings keep weighing on you, reaching out for professional support could really help bring clarity.

I know it can feel messy and confusing, but that doesn’t make your experience any less valid. You’re not faking it, and you’re definitely not alone in this. You’re navigating something really difficult, and the fact that you’re reflecting on it so deeply already shows strength.

Wishing you clarity, peace, and moments of ease as you go through this :sunflower:

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hi @user0510,

Thank you for sharing the situation that you are in right now. I would like to suggest that you work out a plan for yourself how you will be spending the time until you begin your further education. Whether it is to rest and have fun, travel overseas, or learning a new skill. Whatever it is, share this plan with your parents, and explain why you chose this over working for the family business.

For example, one reason could be that you are taking this time to explore your interests and figuring out what you want to do in life, and working on your family business could limit the scope of your exploration or influence the process.

All the best :slight_smile:

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Hey @user0510, thanks a lot for sharing this with us. Just wanted to say that your feelings are completely valid and real, and the fact that you’re reflecting on your feelings and reaching out shows that you’re being genuine, and that takes a lot of courage. Like what @ScribblingSunflower mentioned, anxiety and depression can feel different for everyone so it doesn’t mean that what you’re feeling is any less real. At the same time, its okay to feel frustrated about helping your parents and it doesn’t make you a bad person at all, it can be overwhelming at times and there’s no shame in letting yourself rest. Wishing you all the best, you got this!

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Thanks for taking the time to reply to this. I think I’ve really messed up my own mental well-being with the amount of overthinking in my head. I honestly even feel kinda bad writing here, it feels like im seeking attention for something insignificant. But nonetheless, thanks for the advice.

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Hey @user0510. I hear you, and I just want to say that reaching out here isn’t “attention-seeking” at all. It’s care-seeking. And that’s something brave, not something to feel bad about. You’re not insignificant, and neither are your feelings, okay? You know, I see someone who’s trying to understand and take care of themselves. That’s something worth acknowledging. Overthinking can really wear you down, so please don’t be hard on yourself for noticing that and talking about it. You deserve to have a safe place to let it out too.

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Dear @user0510

Thank you for writing in and being open about what has been happening. Your emotions and feelings are fully understandable and relatable. I can see that you are faced with conflicting decisions before you. Please know you are only human to question if your feelings are real.

From what I have experienced, our mind does have the tendency to churn out many thoughts on a daily basis, and many of these could be negative. Our thoughts impact our feelings, and these feelings are real.

I believe that being mindful can help you choose how you view and respond to these thoughts in a way which is aligned to your values. In this way, feelings may also change in response.

You requested in your post to know what does anxiety and depression feel like. For me, when I’m anxious, I have a feeling of dread while when I’m depressed I feel low in energy and mood.

May I recommend you can speak to a counsellor to talk about what you are going through. Processing your experiences and discussing them in a nonjudgmental safe space may help you clarify what you truly want in your life and identify harmful thoughts/behaviours that are behind the distress.

The counsellor can help you identify thinking distortions or generalisations that may be contributing to anxiety and depression.

Your counsellor and you could also brainstorm and figure out alternative healthier thoughts and small actions to take regularly to reduce distress.

Please know that you seeking clarity by writing in to this forum is already a great first step you have taken. Keep going and continue reaching out to the supportive community here as you navigate the important milestones ahead. Be compassionate to yourself and inch forward at the pace you are comfortable with. :yellow_heart:

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hi @user0510 , thank you for sharing this with us, it must not have been easy! i think it’s great that you’re giving thought and consideration to your needs, like taking a gap year and thinking about what would be best in this situation. anxiety and depression look different for everyone going through it, and what matters is that what you’re experiencing is affecting you right now.

you know yourself and what you need best! sometimes the ‘obvious’ or ‘logical’ answer isn’t necessarily what’s best for us. i can’t tell you what the right answer is, but we are all here for you anytime you need a listening ear!

if what your experiencing is confusing or bothering you, if you aren’t already, would you consider reaching out to a professional to explore this? mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore you can use this wayfinding tool to look for in-person services near you

all the best! please continue to reach out anytime you need support :heart_hands::heart_hands:

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Hey @user0510 thank you for sharing so openly. It sounds like you are navigating a lot of conflicting emotions right now, and that can feel confusing and overwhelming. Feeling a mix of obligation, frustration, and guilt is completely human, especially when family expectations collide with your own needs and boundaries. Feeling conflicted does not mean you are faking anything; it often means your mind is trying to make sense of complex emotions.

It is understandable that your brain questions your feelings, asking if you are faking it. That kind of self-doubt is very common and it does not make your experiences any less real. It can sometimes feel like self-gaslighting, but it might just be your mind’s way of trying to protect you from difficult emotions. Recognising these thoughts is actually a healthy step in understanding yourself better.

Anxiety often feels like a heightened sense of alertness, worry, or tension. It can appear physically, like a racing heart, tight chest, or restless energy, and mentally, as repetitive worrying or “what if” thoughts. Depression can feel like persistent sadness, emptiness, lack of motivation, or difficulty finding pleasure in things you usually enjoy. Both can be experienced differently from person to person, and noticing brief moments of stress or worry does not mean your feelings are not real or valid.

It might help to take a step back and notice your emotions without judging them as right or wrong. Asking yourself what you actually need right now or how you can balance helping your family with taking care of yourself can provide clarity. Sometimes setting small boundaries, even gently, can reduce the inner conflict you are feeling.

If these thoughts and feelings continue to confuse or distress you, talking to a mental health professional can provide clarity and support. They can help you distinguish between typical stress, anxiety, or depression and give you tools to cope effectively.

Above all, what you are feeling is valid. Feeling conflicted, frustrated, or anxious does not make you weak or fake. It makes you human.