Validation

[Whispering]

Why do I need to get validation from someone else for my own happiness and rely on someone else to feel wanted.

As much as I tell myself my happiness depends on myself, it feels good to have someone wanting you.

Could this be caused by my childhood trauma?

Ps: I grew up in a family where I do not stay with my parents due to whatever their reason is. But as I’m older, I do not blame them, but I don’t agree with their decision back then. Nevertheless, although they live together now, I don’t see them being a loving couple.

[ScribblingSunflower]

Hey @Whispering. Thank you for being so honest about what you’re feeling. Wanting validation and wanting to feel wanted is such a deeply human thing because we’re all social beings, and we’re wired for connection. You’re definitely not alone in this. Many people crave validation, especially if they didn’t receive consistent emotional support growing up so it’s completely understandable why you’re feeling this way.

What you shared about your childhood really adds a lot of context. It is very possible that the emotional gaps you experienced back then are showing up in how you seek connection today. When those early needs weren’t met, we can become more attuned to signs of appreciation, affection and belonging later in life. Our past shapes us but it doesn’t define us forever.

I want to acknowledge you for taking the time to understand your own needs and feelings. That’s a big step toward growth What matters most now is approaching these patterns with compassion rather than judgement towards yourself. You’re allowed to want connection and work on building your own inner happiness at the same time. Both can coexist.

And if it ever feels helpful, talking to a counsellor or therapist could give you the safe space to explore these feelings more deeply and understand where they’re coming from. It can be a supportive way to learn how to meet those emotional needs in healthier, more balanced ways.

Take gentle care of yourself as you figure this out, okie? You deserve to feel wanted and supported, both by others and from within

[FuYuan_Affections]

Hi @Whispering ,

Thanks for sharing openly and honestly, it came across like you’ve been trying so hard to reason yourself out of something that sits much deeper in the body. And the moment you brought up growing up away from your parents, something in the story started to make more sense… not in a blaming way, but in a human way.

There’s something most people dont realise, validation isn’t something we suddenly pick up as adults. It actually shows up long before we have words. Even in the womb, every tiny movement you made would have been felt and responded to by your mother’s body. You wouldn’t remember any of this, but the instinct is real: I exist, and someone reacts to me. That early pattern becomes the first version of “I matter.”

So when you talk about not staying with your parents when you were young… it reads like there was a quiet yearn­ing there, even if you learned to accept their reasons later on. Kids make meaning in their own ways, not seeing them, not seeing warmth between them, leaves this long unanswered question of “where do I belong, and who sees me?”

Even now, you’ve logically talked yourself through it, you don’t blame them, you understand, but the body doesn’t follow logic. The part of you that grew up without steady closeness didn’t get erased. It just learnt to run quietly in the background. So of course it still feels good when someone wants you. Of course validation feels like warmth. It’s not neediness. It’s the oldest instinct in you remembering what safety felt like.

I’m curious… when someone shows you they want you, does it feel like your whole system finally settles for a moment?

We don’t have to push that away. We can start from there, from the part of you that has always known what love should feel like, even if it wasn’t consistently given to you growing up. Sometimes the work is not forcing yourself to “depend only on yourself,” but understanding why this longing is there… and letting it be held gently instead of treated like a flaw.

If you are ready, you can take this slowly and build your own ways to learn on attending to the yearnings..

[thursday]

hello, thank you for sharing! perhaps self-love through doing things you enjoy, taking breaks when things are hectic can help you to find happiness through other sources. Wanting validation is something everyone has gone through once, but perhaps also focus on treating yourself through rests and engaging in hobbies. Rooting for you op!