hi, i am a poly student and my mum passed away 4 months ago due to kidney failure. i have an elder sister and elder brother, but i am closest to my mum. since my mum’s death, i keep missing her. there were many times that i broke down and cried because I miss my mum so much. i tried talking to my sister whenever i miss my mum, but both of us would end up crying so in the end we don’t talk about it so that we don’t get upset. i feel like i cannot control my feelings, i don’t know why just thinking of my mother would make me shut down and cry. sometimes i just don’t want to do anything, i don’t feel like going to school also. i just want to stay in my room. i don’t feel like going out with my friends, i know they mean well but sometimes i feel like they don’t get me
my dad has always been very quiet and i don’t normally talk to my brother about what i feel so i find it strange to talk to them about this. my friends keep telling me that i should move on and live my life since it’s been a while since my mum passed away. am i doing something wrong? why can’t i control my feelings?
Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling. Losing your mom, especially when you were so close, is an incredibly painful experience. Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and missing her, crying, or feeling unmotivated are all part of this process. You are not doing anything wrong, and your feelings are valid.
It sounds like you’ve been trying to navigate this grief largely on your own, and that can be really overwhelming. You mentioned talking to your sister but avoiding the topic because it makes you both cry. It’s okay to cry together—sometimes sharing your grief with someone who understands can be healing, even if it’s emotional.
Your friends may mean well when they encourage you to move on, but grief isn’t about “getting over” someone. It’s about learning to live with the love and memories of the person you’ve lost. It’s also okay if they don’t fully understand; your journey is unique to you.
Here are a few steps that might help:
Start a journal or memory book: Write down your thoughts, memories of your mom, or things you wish you could tell her. This can be a private space to express yourself without judgement.
Set small goals for daily life. For example, focus on attending one class or going out with friends for a short while. Small steps can help you reconnect with your routine without feeling overwhelmed.
Find ways to honour your mom: Doing something in her memory, like planting a small garden, lighting a candle, or even wearing something that reminds you of her, can help you feel connected.
Reach out to supportive spaces: If you feel ready, consider speaking with a school counsellor or joining a support group for young people dealing with loss. It can help to share your story with others who understand.
Lastly, be kind to yourself. It’s okay to take your time and to feel whatever emotions come up. Your grief is a reflection of how much you loved your mom. You’re not alone in this. If you ever want to share more, we are here to listen.